Badjim.com

April 19, 2005

Beer Quotes

Filed under: Uncategorized — Bad Jim @ 12:14 pm

Bad Jim’s Famous Ultimate Collection of Famous and Infamous Beer: Quotes, Lyrics, Proverbs and Poems

[I’ve collected these over the years from books, magazines, pub walls, memory, and yes, the Internet. – Bad Jim
PS: Yeah, I don’t know who half these people are either!]

First recorded mention of the word “ALE” occurred around 950 A.D. in the Old Norse Alvismal:
Ale it is called among men, and among gods, beer.

a. a. milne, (1880-1956) English children’s writer
Of beer, an enthusiast has said that it could never be bad, but that some brands might be better than others.

A.E. Housman (1859-1936), British poet

A Shropshire Lad, 1887

Say, for what were hop-yards meant,
Or why was Burton built on Trent?
Oh many a peer of England brews
Livelier liquor than the Muse,
And malt does more than Milton can
To justify God’s ways to man.
Ale, man, ale’s the stuff to drink
For fellows whom it hurts to think:
Look into the pewter pot
To see the world as the world’s not.
And faith, ’tis pleasant till ’tis past:
The mischief is that ’twill not last.
Oh I have been to Ludlow fair
And left my necktie God knows where,
And carried half way home, or near,
Pints and quarts of Ludlow beer

Last Poems, no. 9 (1922)

The troubles of our proud and angry dust
Are from eternity, and shall not fail.
Bear them we can, and if we can we must.
Shoulder the sky, my lad, and drink your ale.

A.J.P. Taylor, British historian (1906–1990)

In my opinion, most of the great men of the past were only there for the beer.

Al Capone, gangster and beer distributor

I am like any other man. All I do is supply a demand.

The public is a guy who wants his shot and a glass of beer.

Alan Eames (paraphrased), cultural anthropologist

This is all thousands of years old. It’s the same the world over. Anyone who has ever walked upright has loved beer, celebrated over it, told talks over it, hatched plots over it, courted over it. It’s what we do as a species. It’s what makes us human. We brew.

Allen Tate (1899–1979), U.S. poet and critic, Perimeters

Hide your pink knees from the gaze of other men.
You must be pure — go slow with that home-brew.

Alexander Hamilton, American Statesman
The moralizing tendency and salubrious nature of fermented liquors — beer, ale, porter, and cider — recommend them to a serious consideration and particularly in our country.

American folk saying

The best place to drink beer is at home. Or on a river bank, if the fish don’t bother you.

Amy Semple McPherson, Women’s Christian Temperance Union

The devil is in you.

Anne Sexton (1928–1974) American poet, For Eleanor Boylan Talking with God
God has a brown voice, as soft and full as beer.

Anonymous/unknown (If anyone REALLY knows the source of any of the following quotes, please send it to mailbadjim@badjim.com)

A great Palindrome: Lager, sir, is regal.

And on the seventh day, God made beer.

Beauty lies in the hands of the beerholder.

Beer contains Vitamin Pee

Beer has food value, but food has no beer value.

Beer is good; drink it.

Beer is made by fermentation cause by bacteria feeding on yeast cells and then defecating. In other words, it’s a nice tall glass of bacteria doo-doo.

Beer is the fountain of happiness, we should not question its power, but blindly frolic in its foamy ways.

Beer: Because one doesn’t solve the world’s problems over white wine.

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862!

Beer: If you can’t taste it, why bother!

Beer: its not just for breakfast anymore.

Beer: Natures laxative.

Beer: Take pure spring water. The finest grains. The richest ingredients. And then run them through a horse.

Cenosillicaphobia - Fear of an empty glass.

Cold War bad. Cold BEER good.

Draft beer, not people!

E equals mc squared is a hell of a concept, but can you use it to make beer?

Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.

Everything I wanted to know about life I learned from beer.

Friends don’t let friends drink Light Beer.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. Give a man a beer, and he wastes an hour, but teach a man how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.

Hold my beer while I kiss your girlfriend.

I killed a six-pack just to watch it die.

I think someone should invent Beerguard, because how often do you actually spill Scotch on the carpet?

If I had a nickel for every beer that I have had through my life…I’d have a lot of money for more beer!

If nothing beats a Bud, given the choice, Id take the nothing…

It’s better to have beer in hand than gas in tank.

Life is too short to drink cheap beer.

Milk Sucks, Got Beer?

Most regional breweries are patronized by people who knit their own yogurt.

My favorite black-and-tan is a “mother-in-law”: a mixture of stout and bitter.

Never mix beer and hard liquor…. unless you’ve only got one glass.

One pint of beer … equals 1/2 college credit in philosophy.

Over the past few years, scientists at Heinz say they’ve been developing what they say is a revolutionary new kind of baby bottle. It’s a baby bottle actually shaped like a woman’s breasts. If that’s true, forget baby bottles, make beer bottles.

Remember “I” before “E”, except in Budweiser.

Some people have six pack abdomens. I have a keg.

The best days to drink beer are days that end in the letter, “Y”.

The last swallow of lager is the worst and the last swallow of an ale is the best.

There are only two times when I drink beer, when I’m alone and when I’m with someone else.

There are those who drink and those who pound,
and those who don’t are bound to frown.
No matter what you say or what you do,
Always cheer your frosty brew!

They can have my beer when they pry it out of my cold, dead hand.

To some it’s a six-pack, to me its a Support Group.

Two hands and only one mouth…now that’s a drinking problem.

When it comes to physical fitness - Why have a six pack when you can have a barrel?

Thirsty days hath September,
April, June and November;
All the rest are thirsty too
Except for him who hath home brew.

Who’d care to be a bee and sip
Sweet honey from the flower’s lip
When he might be a fly and steer
Head first into a can of beer?

In Vino Veritas
In Cervesio Felicitas
(In wine there is wisdom, In beer there is joy.)

Some Guinness was spilt on the barroom floor
When the pub was shut for the night.
When out of his hole crept a wee brown mouse
And stood in the pale moonlight.
He lapped up the frothy foam from the floor
Then back on his haunches he sat.
And all night long, you could hear the mouse roar,
“Bring on the friggin’ cat!

Beer Prayer

Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk), At home as it is in the pub.
Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers.

For thine is the beer, The bitter, The lager.
Forever and ever,
Barmen.

Anonymous Toasts
Here’s to beauty, wit, and beer, and to a full stomach, a full purse, and a light heart.

Here’s a toast to the roast that good fellowship lends,
With the sparkle of beer and wine;
May its sentiment always be deeper, my friends,
Than the foam at the top of the stein.

Some people see the glass half-empty. Some people see the glass half full. I say its beer man, just drink it!

For every wound, a balm.
For every sorrow, cheer.
For every storm, a calm.
For every thirst, a beer.

Irish toast

Here’s to a long life, and a merry one; a quick death, and an easy one; a pretty girl, and an honest one; a cold beer - and another one!

Anonymous, These words were scribbled in the flyleaf of a paperback copy of Tristram Shandy bought in the second-hand bookstore in Alice Springs, Australia.

One of the few moments of happiness a man knows in Australia is that moment of meeting the eyes of another man over the tops of two beer glasses.

Anonymous English author
A man is not drunk so long as he can lie on the floor without holding on.

Aristophanes, Athenian playwright, (448-380 B.C.)

When people drink, then they are successful and win lawsuits and are happy and help their friends. Quickly, bring me a beaker of cider, so that I may wet my mind and say something clever.

Arnold Schwarzenegger (b.1947), Austrian actor, 1975

Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.

Art “Fatso” Donovan, defensive tackle, Baltimore Colts (1950s)

The best way to die is sit under a tree, eat lots of bologna and salami, drink a case of beer, then blow up.

Lady (Nancy) Astor (1864 - 1945), American-born social reformist and member of the British parliament

“I would rather commit adultery than drink a glass of beer.”
A voice from the crowd: “Who wouldn’t?”

Bad Jim (b.1950) , American homebrewer & general douche bag

If I drank 6 pints of barley wine in the forest and no one was around, would a tree still fall down?

Barney Gumbal, cartoon character on The Simpsons

Ahhhhhhhh!!! Natural light!!! Get it off me!!!

I’m worried about the beer supply. After this case and the other case - we only got one case left.

Buy me a beer, two bucks a glass.
Come on, help me, I’m freezing my ass.
Buy me brandy, a snifter of wine.
Who am I kidding? I’ll drink turpentine.

Ben Johnson(1572-1637), English writer ,

Every Man in his Humour. Act II

As he brews so shall he drink.

Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790), American inventor and statesman

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants to see us happy.

A toast in Bedrich Smetana’s 1866 opera The Bartered Bride

You foam within our glasses, you lusty golden brew, whoever imbibes takes fire from you. The young and the old sing your praises; here’s to beer, here’s to cheer, here’s to beer.

The Bible, New International Version, Proverbs 31:6-7

Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish; let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more

Billy Carter, presidential brother

Beer is not a good cocktail-party drink, especially in a home where you don’t know where the bathroom is.

Bishop John Still (1543-1607)

Back and side go bare, go bare,
Both foot and hand go cold;
But, belly, God send thee good ale enough,
Whether it be new or old.

Bob Carbone, homebrewer and homebrew judge
If you can make oatmeal cookies at home, you can brew beer.

Bob and Doug McKenzie (from the film Strange Brew)

Yeah ok, well we found this mouse in a bottle of YOUR beer, eh, and we was at a party and a friend of ours, a cop, had some and HE PUKED and he said come here and get free beer, or uh, he’ll press charges.

My brother always said that drowning in beer would be like heaven . . .

All the bowling alleys were destroyed so I spent most of my time . . . looking for beer.

I’m takin’ you to the looney bin, then I’m going to the brewery.

There’s no way I’ll crash this! This is a beer truck, eh!

You know people can tell what’s in beer, eh? Like, my brother can tell the difference between beers by what his burps taste like.

This movie was shot in 3-B – three beers and it looks good.

Bobby Clarke, President, Philadelphia Flyers; NHL Hall of Famer

This isn’t the old days when everybody sat around and drank beer.

Brendan Behan, Irish playwright and novelist (1923-1964)

On the chest of a barmaid in Sale,
Were tattooed the prices of ale.
And on her behind
for the sake of the blind
was the same information in Braille.

Brian Tong, ????

I like to cap off my night of beer drinking with a beer, its kinda like dessert.

Brock Wagner, brewer-owner, St. Arnold Brewing Co., Houston, TX

If you are doing this just because you want to make money, your beer has no soul.

Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

People who drink light beer don’t like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.

Carrie Nation (1846-1911), Women’s Christian Temperance Union
Men are nicotine soaked, beer-besmirched, whisky greased, red-eyed devils.

Charles Bukowski (1920-1994), American poet

. . . We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.

Charles Dickens (1812- 1870), English novelist, Ye Olde Curiosity Shop, 1841

“Did you ever taste beer?”
“I had a sip of it once,” said the small servant.
“Here’s a state of things!” cried Mr. Swiveller . . .
“She never tasted it — it can’t be tasted in a sip!”

Sir Charles Gavan Duffy (1816-1903), Irish-Australian statesman and author
The horse and mule live thirty years
And never know of wine and beers.


Christian Reuter (1665-1712), German writer of satiric fiction

It is a perfect brew that makes you feel exactly like preaching a sermon.

Christopher Howse
Real ale fans are just like train-spotters, only drunk.

Chuck Skypeck, Boscos breweries, Tennnessee
After watching Conan O’Brien’s sophomoric behavior while interviewing Michael Jackson on his show this week, I have come to the conclusion that you can judge the level of a man’s intellect simply by saying the word “beer” and watching his reaction.

Clementine Paddleford (1898-1967), American food editor
Beer is the Danish national drink, and the Danish national weakness is another beer.

Confesio, Archpoet, 12th century
When the hour is nigh me,
Let me in a tavern die,
With a tankard by me.

Colonel Adolphus Busch, Civil War veteran
You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are.

Commonwealth Brewing Co., Boston, Massachusetts
Let no man thirst for lack of Real Ale.

Conan O’Brien, TV host
The federal government is considering a proposal that would update the warning label on beer and other alcoholic beverages. For instance, one of the new warnings says, ‘Caution: Excessive drinking could cause karaoke.

Cornelia Corey, chosen 2001 Beeerdrinker of the Year by Wynkoop Brewing Co.
I don’t drink beer like a girl.

C.S. Calverley (1831-1884), English writer
O Beer! O Hodgson, Guinness, Allsopp, Bass!
Names that should be on every infant’s tongue.

Beer, 1861
Life is with such all beer and skittles;
They are not difficult to please
About their victuals.
Contentment, 1872

Danny Murtaugh, Major League Baseball manager
Why certainly I’d like to have that fellow who hits a home run every time at bat, who strikes out every opposing batter when he’s pitching, who throws strikes to any base or the plate when he’s playing outfield and who’s always thinking about two innings ahead just what he’ll do to baffle the other team. Any manager would want a guy like that playing for him. The only trouble is to get him to put down his cup of beer and come down out of the stands and do those things.

Dave Barry, American humorist
The greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

When I heated my home with oil, I found that I used an average of 800 gallons per year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.

All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.

The Circuit: Electricity originates inside clouds. There, it forms into lightning, which is attracted to the Earth by golfers. After entering the ground, the electricity hardens into coal, which, when dug up by power companies and burned in big ovens called ‘generators,’ turns back into electricity… where it is transformed by TV sets into commercials for beer, which passes through the consumers and back into the ground, thus completing what is known as a ‘circuit.’

I like beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate a major event such as the fall of communism or the fact that the refrigerator is still working.


Dave Wadsworth, Chemical engineer, 1985

After drinking two dozen Miller High Life longnecks in my garage, I was too drunk to ride my bicycle to The Gingerman Pub, so I drove.

If I was hungry, I’d drink a Guinness.

David Geary
Adhere to Schweinheitsgebot. Don’t put anything in your beer that a pig wouldn’t eat.

David Daye
If God had intended us to drink beer, he would have given us stomachs.

David Moulton
Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.

David Rains Wallace (b.1945), U.S, naturalist and essayist
Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fire.

David Spade, comedy actor
I was a horrible date all through high school and college. Here’s an impression of me on a date in high school: ‘Come on, chug it!’

Dave Thibodeau, President, Ska Brewing Co., Durango, Colorado
Beer is beer.

Danzig, Poland, City Ordinance circa11th-century
Whoever makes poor beer is transferred to the dunghill.

Dennis Hopper as Frank Booth (in the film Blue Velvet, 1986)
Heineken? Fuck that shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon!

Raymond: Do you want me to pour it Frank?
Frank Booth: No I want you to fuck it. Shit, yes, pour the fuckin’ beer.

Die Welt, German newspaper, 1976
I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society, except that which makes the road safer, the old men and women warmer in the winter, and happier in the summer, and the beer stronger.

Donald Robert Perry Marquis (1878-1937) New York newspaper columnist and humorist (1927)
Prohibition makes you want to cry in your beer, and denies you the beer to cry into.

Douglas Adams (1952 – 2001), Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
“Six pints of bitter,” said Ford Prefect…. “And quickly please, the world’s about to end.”

…. So the barman said, “Oh yes, sir? Nice weather for it.”

Drew Carey, American actor
Things don’t make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that’s something everyone can do.

Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890-1969), 34th U.S. President
Some people wanted champagne and caviar when they should have had beer and hotdogs.

Earl Holliman as Cook (in the film Forbidden Planet, 1956)
Another one o’ them new worlds. No beer, no women, no pool parlors, nothin’. Nothing to do but throw rocks at tin cans. And we gotta bring our own tin cans.

E O’Neill as Al Bundy (in the TV show Married with Children)
Give me beer or give me death! Or give me both!

Anyone know who was elected president? Well, who cares? But, whoever you are, read my lips: don’t tax beer!!!

Oh mighty one in the heavens who created the mountains, the seas and beer…

Edgar Allan Poe (1809- 1849), American writer
Fill with mingled cream and amber,
I will drain that glass again.
Such hilarious visions clamber
Through the chambers of my brain.
Quaintest thoughts–queerest fancies,
Come to life and fade away:
What care I how time advances?
I am drinking ale today.

Edgar Winter, Texas musician
To a lot of people, I’m no longer just Edgar Winter the musician. It’s like ‘Hey aren’t you that guy in the beer commercial.’

17th century English drinking song
He that drinks strong beer, and goes to bed mellow, lives as he ought to live, and dies a hearty fellow.

English drinking song, circa 1757
Let us sing our own treasures, Old England’s good cheer,
To the profits and pleasures of stout British beer;
Your wine tippling, dram sipping fellows retreat,
But your beer drinking Britons can never be beat.
The French with their vineyards and meager pale ale,
They drink from the squeezing of half ripe fruit;
But we, who have hop-yards to mellow our ale,
Are rosy and plump and have freedom to boot.

Epitaph on a soldier’s grave (source unknown)
Here sleep in peace a Hampshire grenadier,
Who caught his death by drinking cold small beer;
Soldiers, take heed from his untimely fall,
And when you’re hot, drink strong, or not at all.

Eric Idle, actor, member of Monty Python’s Flying Circus
American Beer is a lot like making love in a row boat- its f__king close to water!

Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961) American writer,
To Have and Have Not

This beer is good for you. This is draft beer. Stick with the beer. Let’s go and beat this guy up and come back and drink some more beer.

It was as natural as eating and to me as necessary, and I would not have thought of eating a meal without drinking beer.

Hemingway made this remark after seeing David O. Selznick’s remake of A Farewell to Arms (1957): You write a book like that that you’re fond of over the years, then you see that happen to it, it’s like pissing in your father’s beer.

Flann O’Brien, Irish author, “A pint of plain” in At Swim-Two-Birds (1939)
When your health is bad and your heart feels strange,
and your face is pale and wan,
When doctors say that you need a change,
A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN.

Frank Jones Brewery Song (c. 1897)
Hurrah for Jones’ brewery, may it never fail
Brew us beer and porter and beautiful stock ale,
That’s the stuff for me, my boys, it drives away all pain,
Whenever I can get a glass of it I’ll have it just the same.

Frank Zappa (1940-1993), American rock musician
You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882-1945), 32nd U.S. President
Said, upon the ratification of the 21st Amendment repealing Prohibition:
I believe this would be a good time for a beer

Freddie Freak, The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers, Rip Off Comix
Beer will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no beer.

Frederick the Great of Prussia (1777)
It is disgusting to notice the increase in the quantity of coffee used by my subjects, and the amount of money that goes out of the country as a consequence. Everybody is using coffee; this must be prevented. His Majesty was brought up on beer, and so were both his ancestors and officers. Many battles have been fought and won by soldiers nourished on beer, and the King does not believe that coffee-drinking soldiers can be relied upon to endure hardships in case of another war.

Fritz Maytag, President Anchor Brewing
We brewers don’t make beer, we just get all the ingredients together and the beer makes itself.

It’s very hard to get pretentious about beer. You can become knowledgeable and start to talk with a highfalutin’ vocabulary. But you can only go so far with beer, and I’ve always liked that.

Futurama, TV sci-fi cartoon series
Bender: Gimme a large diet malt liquor and a popcorn with extra motor oil.

Gary Barkin ????
When we got married we registered at Bloomingdale’s because you can return everything for cash. And I figure each place setting can keep me in beer money for three months.

George Bernard Shaw (1856–1950) Anglo-Irish playwright,
Proserpine in Candida, act 3
I’m only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. I don’t like beer.

George Borrow (1803–1881), English writer and traveler, Lavengro, 1851
He is not deserving the name of Englishman who speaketh against ale, that is, good ale.

George Crabbe (1754-1832) English poet
Lo! the poor topper whose untutored sense,
Sees bliss in ale, and can with wine dispense;
Whose head proud fancy never taught to steer,
Beyond the muddy ecstasies of beer.

George Du Maurier(1834-1896) French novelist
Life ain’t all beer and skittles, and mores the pity.

George Farquhar (1678–1707), Irish dramatist,
the landlord Boniface, in The Beaux’ Stratagem, act 1, sc. 1 (1707)
I have fed purely upon ale; I have eat my ale, drank my ale, and I always sleep upon ale.

George Orwell (1903–1950), British author.
The Art of Donald McGill, 1946
He is your unofficial self, the voice of the belly protesting against the soul, his tastes lie towards safety, soft beds, no work, pots of beer and women with “voluptuous” figures.

13th century German law
The selling of bad beer is a crime against Christian love.

Unknown German Monk
He who drinks beer sleeps well.
He who sleeps well cannot sin.
He who does not sin goes to heaven.
Amen.

Gilbert Chesterton (1874–1936) British author, New York Times, June 28, 1931
Most Americans are born drunk, and really require a little wine or beer to sober them.

Grant Johnson
Beer is an improvement on water itself.

Greg Norman, professional golfer
I’m allergic to grass. Hey, it could be worse — I could be allergic to beer.

H. Allen Smith (1906-1976), American journalist, author and humorist
(Note: Smith was a contestant in the first ever Chili Cookoff. It was held in Terlingua, Texas in October 1967 with the judges declaring a draw between H. Allen Smith and Wick Fowler.)
After he drank his first American beer at a bar:
Put it back in the horse!

Harry Tyler as Pat Cohan (in the film The Quiet Man, 1952)
Whiskey? That’d be too warm; it gets your blood up. Porter’s the very thing.

Harvey Allen (1889-1949), U.S. Historian
Religions change, beer and wine remain.

Heath Ledger as Patrick (in the film 10 Things I hate about You)
Why is everyone so hot for this girl? Has she got beer-flavored nipples?

Henry Aldrich, English composer of church music (1648–1710)
If all be true that I do think,
There are five reasons we should drink:
Good beer — a friend — or being dry –
Or lest we should be by and by –
Or any other reason why.

Henry David Thoreau (1817–1862), American philosopher, author & naturalist
Cape Cod , 1855-1865
. . . it seemed to me that man himself was like a half-emptied bottle of pale ale, which Time had drunk so far, yet stoppled tight for a while, and drifting about in the ocean of circumstances, but destined ere-long to mingle with the surrounding waves, or be spilled amid the sands of a distant shore.

Ktaadn, 1848
Instead of water we got here a draught of beer,… a lumberer’s drink, which would acclimate and naturalize a man at once,—which would make him see green, and, if he slept, dream that he heard the wind sough among the pines.

Henry Lawson
Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.

Henry Miller, American author (1891-1980)
Keep your libraries, your penal institutions, your insane asylums…give me beer. You think man needs rule, he needs beer. The world does not need morals, it needs beer… The souls of men have been fed with indigestibles, but the soul could make use of beer.

Herman Melville (1819–1891) American author,
Redburn, 1849
It is plain and demonstrable, that much ale is not good for Yankee, and operates differently upon them from what it does upon a Briton; ale must be drank in a fog and a drizzle.

H.L. Mencken, in Heathen Days
I am the first man south of the Mason-Dixon Line to brew a drinkable home-brew. …

Homer Simpson, cartoon character (doh!)
Ah beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heels if you will.

Alright brain, I don’t like you and you don’t like me - so lets just get this over with so I can go back to killing you with beer.

Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you’d step over your own mother just to get one!

Beer! How did you know?

Homer no function beer well without.

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

I’d rather have a beer than win ‘Father of the Year’

Mmmmmm, beer.

Mmmm, gummy-beer!

Now son, you don’t want to drink beer. That’s for Daddies, and kids with fake IDs.

You’ve been rubbing my nose in it since I got here! Your family is better than my family, your beer comes from farther away than my beer, you and your son like each other, your wife’s butt is higher than my wife’s butt! You make me sick

The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a beer bottle, they’re on TV.

The college road trip. What better way to spread beer-fueled mayhem.

You must love this country more than I love a cold beer on a hot Christmas morning.

Marge : And punish Lisa for lying to us.
Homer : Okay, you young lady, now run to Kwik-E-mart and get me some chips and beer . . .

Hunter S. Thompson, journalist/author -2005
There is an ancient Celtic axiom that says ‘Good people drink good beer.’ Which is true, then as now. Just look around you in any public barroom and you will quickly see: Bad people drink bad beer. Think about it.

Cover a war in a place where you can’t drink beer or talk to a woman? Hell no!

Jack Handy, humorist

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

Jack Nicholson as Meadows (in the film The Last Detail)
Everybody’s old enough for a beer, ain’t that right, Mule?

Inspector Morse, TV series Inspector Morse on Mystery!
Light beer is an invention of the Prince of Darkness.

Irish love ballad
But the greatest love–the love above all loves, even greater than that of a mother… Is the tender, passionate, undying love, of one beer drunken slob for another.

James Kenneth Stephens (1882–1950), Irish poet, A Glass of Beer
If I asked her master he’d give me a cask a day;
But she, with the beer at hand, not a gill would arrange!
May she marry a ghost and bear him a kitten, and may
The High King of Glory permit her to get the mange.

Janell Harris
The best beer in the world is the one you’re holding in your hand.

Jay Leno, comedian and TV host
Some guy is claiming that a tonic of beer and urine will improve your garden. Come on, if that was true, wouldn’t frat houses be like tropical rain forests?

According to a recent study, the most popular fitness sport among Americans is bowling. Is this really a ‘fitness’ sport? Any sport where you can drink beer and eat pizza while you’re doing the sport is not a sport.

Jeremy Roenick, center, Phoenix Coyotes
I didn’t say throw beer on every single Detroit Red Wing fan.

Jean Sheperd, American writer and radio personality
The bear missed the train, the bear missed the train, the bear missed the train and now he’s walkin’.
He’s walkin’ near and far, he’s walkin’ far and near, he’s walkin’ near
and far, HE’s DRINKIN’ A GLASS O’ BEER!

Jeff Morris as Bob (in the film The Blues Brothers, 1980)
. . . and you boys drank $300 worth of beer.

Rev. Jesse L. Jackson
If Bush is qualified to run the country, [my sons] are qualified to run a beer distributorship.

Jim Busch
A “good” beer is one that sells! You may think it sucks but if the market embraces it, so be it. Now a “great” beer or world-class beer is another matter…. …

The Jim and Dave Radio Show, circa 1984
Our favorite beer is “free” beer!

Jimmy Buffett, American singer/songwriter
Would you really call yourself a Christian if charity cost half as much as beer?

Joe Gural (???)
We’re making the world a better place to drink: one beer at a time.

John Belushi as Bluto Blutarski (in the film Animal House)
My advice to you… is to start drinking heavily.


Sir John Betjeman, English Poet Laureate (1906-1972)

Until I felt a filthy swine
For loathing beer and liking wine,
And rotten to the very core
For thinking village inns a bore,
And village bores more sure to roam
To village inns than stay at home.

John Churchill, 1st Duke of Marlborough
No soldier can properly fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.

John Ciardi, American poet, critic, and translator 1916-1986
Fermentation and civilization are inseparable.

John Collier, in The Devil, George, and Rosie
They proceed with the speed of rockets to the northeast corner of the universe, which George perceived to be shaped exactly like a pint of beer, in which the nebulae were the ascending bubbles . . .

John Cusack as Gib (in the film The Sure Thing)
Nick’s the kinda guy you drink beers with. The kinda guy that doesn’t care if you puke in his car.

John Freyer, Three Floyds Brewing Company
Chicago is the largest whore’s beer market in the country.

John Goodman, American actor 1952 -
Beer is good food.

John Ray, British naturalists, philosopher and theologian. 1628-1705
He that buys land buys many stones,
He that buys flesh buys many bones,
He that buys eggs buys many shells,
But he that buys good ale buys nothing else.

John Shepard
Beer…the mother of all of us.

John Stark Bellamy II, American author,
By The Neck Until Dead, chapter 3
It must have been an afternoon of truly heroic drinking; Russell later testified that they had at least 25 glasses of beer and a “Dutchman” present had to be “laid out” when his stamina proved incommensurate with that of his thirsty peers.

John Steinbeck, novelist
There is nothing in the world like the first taste of beer.

John Still,
Gammer Gurton’s Needle, 1575
Back and side go bare, go bare;
Both foot and hand go cold;
But, belly, God send thee good ale enough,
Whether it be new or old.

Jack Turlington, Texan, as quoted in All About Beer Magazine, November 1998
There’s something about the taste of beer in a large, practically empty, over-air-conditioned theater on an asphalt-melting, glaringly sweltering, hot summer afternoon. In fact, I just saw The Searchers that way. Cold beer, hot popcorn and the psychotic John Wayne character, Ethan Edwards… that’s living.

James Kenneth Stephens (1882–1950), Irish poet,
A Glass of Beer
The lanky hank of a she in the inn over there
Nearly killed me for asking the loan of a glass of beer;
May the devil grip the whey-faced slut by the hair
And beat bad manners out of her skin for a year.

Jon Dos Passos, American Writer
A can of beer’d be the makin’ of a guy a cold mornin’ like this.

J.R.R. Tolkien, English author (1892-1973)
The Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Rings, 1954
Pippin: What’s that?
Merry: This, my friend, is a pint.
Pippin: It comes in pints? I’m getting one!
Sam: Pippin, you’ve had a whole half already.

Frodo: Go on Sam, ask Rosie for a dance.
Sam: I think I’ll just have another ale.

Sung by and attributed to one Frodo Baggins, Bag End, Hobbiton, in the Shire. Only a few words of it are now, as a rule, remembered.
The Man in the Moon took another mug,
and rolled beneath his chair;
And there he dozed and dreamed of ale,
Till in the sky the stars were pale,
and dawn was in the air.

J.P. Donleavy, Irish-American Novelist (1923- )
The Ginger Man, 1955
When I die, I want to decompose in a barrel of porter and have it served in all the pubs in Dublin. I wonder would they know it was me?

Jules Verne, French writer (1828-1905),
Around The World In 80 Days
. . . some thirty customers were drinking English beer, porter, gin and brandy; smoking, the while, long red clay pipes stuffed with little balls of opium mingled with essence of rose.

Julius Caesar
Beer…a high and mighty liquor.

Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany (1859-1941)
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.

Keith Kayler-Thomson, homebrew shop owner, Geelong, Victoria, Australia
There is nothing worse than an empty homebrew bottle.

Ken Jones
Water is good for only two things: floating ships and making beer.

Kurt Angle, professional wrestler
This stuff [beer] is tasty, when did they start making it?

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., American novelist (1922- )Hocus Pocus, 1990
Beer, of course, is actually a depressant, but poor people will never stop hoping otherwise.

Larry Bell, Kalamazoo Brewing Company, Kalamazoo, Michigan, US
If God had wanted us to filter our beer, he wouldn’t have given us livers

Larry Leon Wilson (1867-1939),
The Spenders
While beer brings gladness, don’t forget
That water only makes you wet.

Larry Wright
Most said you would not live long. And through the years you haven’t always been treated kindly. You’ve been punched, pulled on, kicked, bent double, misprinted and thrown into ditches to fade and rust. Some have even tried to ban you from their states. But you have stood up to the test. And now people are discovering your true beauty, dignity, personality and depth. Be proud, whether you’re new, old, rusty, or faded.
You’re a Beer Can!

Lewis C. Henry, author, Best Quotations for all Occasions
Here’s to life and a merry one, a quick death and a pretty one, a pretty girl and a true one, a cold beer and another one.

Lord Charles Neaves, English author (1800-1876)
Pure water is the best gifts a man can bring.
But who am I that I should have the best of anything?
Let princes revel at the pump, let peers with ponds make free,
…beer is good enough for me.

Louis Untermeyer, American poet and anthologist (1885-1977)
Life, alas, is very drear. Up with the glass! Down with the beer!

Mad Mordigan, Faith of the Invisible Pink Unicorn
The wise son brings joy to his father, but the wiser son brings beer.

The wages of the righteous bring them life but the income of the wicked brings them cold beer, fast cars and hot chicks.

Do not join those who drink too much wine. Drink beer, wine is for sissies.

Marge Simpson, cartoon character, The Simpsons
Now Homey, you’re getting over-stimulated. Let’s go home and get some beer in you and then it’s right to bed!

Fruit rollups for Bart. Beer rollups for Homer.

Mark Hawkins in the New York Times, 1977
Show me a nation whose national beverage is beer, and I’ll show you an advanced toilet technology.

Mark Twain, American writer, journalist, humorist (1835-1910)
Give an Irishman lager for a month and he’s a dead man. An Irishman’s stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him.

Demagogue — a vessel containing beer and other liquids.

Martin Luther (1483-1546)
Men can go wrong with wine and women. Shall we prohibit and abolish women? The sun, moon and the stars have been worshipped; shall we pluck them from the sky? See how much He has done through me even though I just prayed and preach, the Word did it all. If I wanted to, I could have started a conflagration at Worms. But while I sat still and drank beer with Philip in Hahnsdorf, God dealt the papacy a mighty blow.

It is better to think of church in the ale-house than to think of the ale-house in church.

Marv Levy, NFL coach
All the buildup and hype, everything else, is foam. The game is the beer.

Matt LeBlanc (in the film Lost in Space)
Okay: the last one to kill a bad guy buys the beer.

Mayflower logbook entry, 1620
… For we could not now take time for further search or consideration: our victuals being much spent, especially our beere.

Michael Jackson, BEER Magazine editor
Let’s all work to get people to drink more good beer, so if someone walks into your office and says he drinks Corona, don’t immediately call him a dickhead.

Drinking really cold beer is like slapping yourself in the face with an ice pick.

My house is about equidistant from the Youngs brewery and the Fullers brewery. This is no accident.

I can’t even justify going to South America for beer.

They have a drink in Texas, which is half Bigfoot, and half Sierra Nevada Pale Ale that they call “A Foggy Night in the Sierras.”
[Note from Bad Jim: Sorry Michael, it’s half Old Foghorn and half SNPA.]

I’ve never homebrewed. I’m never at home.

On the strength of British beer:
It (British beer)is usually not as alcoholic as standard US beer.
Tourist to MJ:”Then why did we get so shit-faced drinking in London?”
MJ: “Shit-faced, a technical term?”

On lawnmower beers: I don’t have a lawn. You need something substantial after mowing the concrete.

Michael McShane as Friar Tuck (in the film Robin Hood - Prince of Thieves, 1991)
This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord has intended a more divine form of consumption. Let us give praise to our maker and glory to His bounty be learning about beer.

Mike Gallagher, radio talk show host, Feb. 1, 2001
The only people who would challenge my belief that it’s time to ban college fraternities are those who are proud, glorious alumni of Tappa Kegga Brew or some other goofy frat. [Note from Bad Jim: Bite me Mike! We all know it’s Tappa Kegga Day.]

Mike Miles
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens? Ha! For me, it’s 5 or 6 beers while watching the game; getting so drunk I’ve forgotten my name. These are a few of MY favorite things.

Mike Snyder, Cedar Brewing Company
I don’t need friends, I make beer.

Mickey Lolich, pitcher, Detroit Tigers Baseball Club
All the fat guys watch me and say to their wives, ‘See, there’s a fat guy doing okay. Bring me another beer.’

Mickey Rourke as Henry Chinaski (in the film Barfly, 1987)
I remember ordering a draught, barkeep. What, are you out of brew, or has that lobotomy finally taken hold?

Mickey Spillane, detective novelist (1918 - )
Mike Hammer drinks beer because I can’t spell Cognac.

Meyer Breslau, delegate to the Prussian federal state parliament, 21 January 1880.
Beer that is not drunk has missed its vocation

Naveen Kumar
If beer is liquid bread, the Guinness is liquid cake.

Dispatch from the Colony, New South Wales, 1854

Of doctors and medicines we have in plenty more than enough…what you may, for the Love of God, send is some large quantity of beer.

A Night at the Opera, film, 1935
Groucho: “Two beers, bartender.”
Chico: “I’ll have two beers, too.”

Noel Schmid, bass player, Blues Excuse
The bladder of your average beer drinker is pretty phenomenal compared to non-beer drinkers. In fact - after awhile - a beer drinker’s bladder can get so large that it can hold almost as much as a medium-sized dam. That’s why beer drinkers can write their name in the snow cursive style with special fonts. . . I think this is a huge energy resource going to waste! If they put turbines in urinals all over this country, I reckon the sheer force of beer drinkers emptying their bladders around Australia every night could light up Sydney.

Norm Peterson on “Cheers”
Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy gets another beer. In this performance, the role of the boy will be played by Norm Peterson.

Frasier. Listen to me. This is Norm Peterson. I want you to listen very carefully. You left about a half a bottle of beer on the bar. You don’t suppose I could maybe..

My birthday, Sammy. Give me a beer, stick a candle in it, and Ill blow out my liver.

Well, I never met a beer I didn’t drink. And down it goes.

Hey, I’m high on life, Coach. Of course, beer is my life.

Terrorists, Sam. They’ve taken over my stomach. They’re demanding beer.

Just the usual Coach. I’ll have a froth of beer and a snorkel.

Gentlemen, start your taps.

Cut the small talk and get me a beer.

Well, I am going to need something to kill time before my second beer. Uhhh, how about a first one?

Ogden Nash, American poet (1902-1971)
Here’s a toast to the roast that good fellowship lends, with the sparkle of beer and wine; May its sentiment always be deeper, my friends, than the foam at the top of the stein.

Paracelsus, Swiss physician (1493-1541)
A little bit of beer is divine medicine.

Patrick McGinley, Irish novelist (1937- )

There’s nothing as heartening as the sight of an empty pub in the morning, the shelves full and everything spick and span before the barbarian hordes come in. Them that drinks bottles spoil the look of the shelves but draught is a different story - you never see the barrel going down.

The People’s Daily; China

When the beer bubbles, the masses forget their troubles.

Pete Gillen, head basketball coach, University of Virginia

If we win, I’ll have a beer–if I lose, I’ll have a beer. It’ll probably taste better if we win though.

Pete Honig

I love to be gay…it makes me enjoy the finest foods and ales.

Peter McAuslan, founder McAuslan Brewing , Montreal
You’ll never see a hockey player on one of our beer mats. I can promise you that.

Plato, Greek philosopher 428- 347 BC

He was a wise man who invented beer.

Poor Robin’s Almanac, 1695

Good pies and strong beer.

—-

Proverbs

Congoese

When the bee comes to your house, let her have beer; you may want to visit the bee’s house some day.

Czech

Blessed is the mother who gives birth to a brewer.

Dutch

Froth is not beer.

16th century English

Beer that is not drunk had missed its vocation. –Wine is but single broth, ale is meat, drink, and cloth.

Ancient Egyptian

Do not cease to drink beer, to eat, to intoxicate thyself, to make love, and celebrate the good days.

The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer.

German

In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria.

It takes Beer to make thirst worthwhile.

New England

Beer drinkin’ don’t do half the harm of love makin’

Koffyar Tribal Wisdom, Nigeria

Man’s way to God is with beer in hand.

Russian

The church is near, but the road is icy. The bar is far away, but I will walk carefully.

Scottish

Ale sellers should not be taletellers.

Quagmire in The Family Guy, TV cartoon series

Hey, Pedro, we’re heading down to The Drunken Clam for a couple of beers, and I‘m gonna shake the lady tree and see what falls out. All riiiight.

Queen Victoria

Give my people plenty of beer, good beer, and cheap beer, and you will have no revolution among them.

Ralph Waldo Emerson, American essayist, poet, and philosopher (1803-1882)

God made yeast, as well as dough, and loves fermentation just as dearly as he loves vegetation.

Ray McNeill

Beer is the reason we get up each afternoon.

Reginald De Koven, 1890 Comic Opera, Robin Hood
So laugh, lads, and quaff, lads,
Twill make yous tout and hale;
Through all my days, I’ll sing the praise
Of Brown October ale.

Sign in River Rock Brewery in Little Rock, Ark

Who needs a born-on date when you’re in the delivery room?

Robert Heinlein, American science fiction writer (1907-1988)

From Time Enough For Love, 1973
Always store beer in a dark place.

Robert Herrick (1591-1674), American poet

Come, sit we by the fireside
And roundly drink we hear,
Till that we see our cheeks all dyed
And noses tanned with beer.

Rod Dixon, New Zealand runner
All I want to do is drink beer and train like an animal.

Rodney Dangerfield as Thornton Melon (in the film Back to School)

Bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until someone passes out. Then bring one every four.

Ross Murray, Montreal Gazette, 1991

Listening to someone who brews his own beer is like listening to a religious fanatic talk about the day he saw the light.

Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936), Indian-born British novelist and poet

Payday came and with it beer.

Tommy
I went into a public-’ouse to get a pint o’ beer,
The publican ‘e up an’ sez, “We serve no red-coats here.

Ere’s to English women an’ a quart of English beer.

Rudyard Wheatley
I’ve always believed that paradise will have my favorite beer on tap.

Sam Adams, American statesman

Let no man thirst for good beer.

Samuel Butler (1612–1680), British poet, Hudibras, 1663

In mathematics he was greater
Than Tycho Brahe, or Erra Pater:
For he, by geometric scale,
Could take the size of pots of ale;
Resolve, by sines and tangents straight,
If bread and butter wanted weight;
And wisely tell what hour o’ th’ day
The clock doth strike, by algebra.

Samuel Johnson

Hermit hoar, in solemn cell,
Wearing out lifes evening gray;
Smite thy bosom, sage, and tell,
What is bliss, and which the way?
Thus I spoke; and speaking sighed;
Scarce repressed a starting tear;

When the smiling sage replyd –
Come, my lad, and drink some beer.

Saint Arnold (aka Arnulf ) of Metz, The Patron Saint of Brewers

From mans sweat and Gods love, beer came into the world.

Saint Columbanus, A.D. 612

It is my design to die in the brew-house; let ale be placed to my mouth when I am expiring, that when the choirs of angels come, they may say, “Be God propitious to this drinker.”

Second City Players

Hey, bartender, a thousand pints of light!

Shay Duffin as Brendan Behan in the play Confessions of an Irish Rebel
Did you ever notice how much a pint (of Guiness) looks like a priest?

Sid Vicious (1957–1979), British punk rocker
I’ve only been in love with a beer bottle and a mirror.

The Simpsons, episode: Jaws Wired Shut

Duffman: What beverage brewed since ancient times is made from Hops and Grains?
Lenny: How about “Ancient Hop Grain Juice”?
Homer: :trying to say “Beer”: Brr! Brr! Brr!
Moe: Wait wait wait, Homer’s trying to make a guess…
Homer: Brr Brr Brr! :turns on beer tap to get picture across:
Moe: What are you doing? You’re getting some kind of booze all over me.
Homer: Gdd Godddd! :cries:
Duffman: Time’s up, the answer is… Beer! Ooh, duff luck!
Carl: I never would have figured that out.
Lenny: That’s the kinda thing you just gotta know.

Some bitch Bad Jim overheard at The Big Easy pub in Houston exclaim sarcastically:

BEER is as exciting to me as handbags are for you dickwad.

Sophocles, Greek playwright (496 BC - 406/5 BC)
I recommend . . . bread, meat, vegetables, and beer.

South Park, TV cartoon series

Stan: Uncle Jimbo we don’t drink beer.

Ned: Thats right I don’t think eight-year-old kids drink beer.

From the film Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan
Kirk: Romulan Ale…Why Bones, you know this is illegal.
Bones: I only use it for medicinal purposes.

Steve Beitz, ????

Beer! Cause when you think about it, you’re not drunk yet!

Stephen Beaumont, World of Beer

It is not “just beer,” it is a noble and ancient beverage which, like wine, food and television advertising, can be extraordinarily good or unmercifully bad.

Beer isn’t just beer….beer needs a home.

Steven King, American writer
I work until beer o’clock.

Steven Wright, American comedian

24 beers in a case. 24 hours in a day. Coincidence?

Sydney Smith (1771-1845) English writer and Anglican clergyman
What two ideas are more inseparable than beer and Britannia?

Thomas Hughes (1822–1896) British author, Tom Browne’s Schooldays, 1857

Life isn’t all beer and skittles, but beer and skittles, or something better of the same sort, must form a good part of every Englishman’s education.

Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), 3rd U.S. President

Beer, if drank with moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit, and promotes health.

I wish to see this beverage (beer) become common instead of the whiskey, which kills one third of our citizens and ruins their families.

Thomas Mann (1875–1955), German author & critic, The Magic Mountain, 1955

“Beer, tobacco, and music,” he went on. “Behold the Fatherland.”

Thomas Mann

Beer soothes the upset soul.

Tim Powers (b. 1952), American Sci Fi fantasy writer, Sir William Ashbless, fictional poet/author in The Anubis Gates, 1983

If but we Christians have our beer, nothing’s to fear.

Tim Robbins as Andy Dufresne (in the film Shawshank Redemption, 1994)
And that’s how it came to pass that on the second-to-last day of the job, the convict crew that tarred the plate factory roof in the spring of ‘49 wound up sitting in a row at ten o’clock in the morning drinking icy cold, Bohemia-style beer…. courtesy of the hardest screw that ever walked a turn at Shawshank State Prison.

Tim Russman

A full beer is a perfect beer.

Tom Waits, singer/songwriter

Id rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

Oh yeah, I remember my first beer. (to a waitress dropping a tray of drinks)

Enscription at the U Fleku brewery in Prague, Czech Republic

Blessed is a mother who gives birth to a brewer

Unknown, Bring Us In Good Ale

Bring us in no browne bred, for that is made of brane,
Nor bring us in no white bred, for therein is no gane,
But bring us in good ale!

Bring us in no befe, for there is many bones,
But bring us in good ale, for that goth downe at ones,
And bring us in good ale!

Voltaire, (1694–1778) French philosopher and author

Englishmen are like their own beer: Frothy on top, dregs on the bottom, the middle excellent.

Sir Walter Raleigh (1552-1618) English poet and explorer

The first draught serveth for health, the second for pleasure, the third for shame, the fourth for madness.

Sir Walter Scott (1771–1832), Scottish novelist and poet, Marmion, 1808

‘Twas Christmas broach’d the mightiest ale;
‘Twas Christmas told the merriest tale;
A Christmas gambol oft could cheer
The poor man’s heart through half the year.

Warwick Franks, Australian writer and cricket historian
The easiest way to spot a wanker in a pub is to look around and find who’s drinking a Corona with a slice of lemon in the neck.

Washington Irving (1783 to 1859) American writer

They who drink beer will think beer.

William Blake (1757-1827), English poet and artist

But if at church they would give some ale
And a pleasant fire our souls to regale.
Wed sing and wed pray all the livelong day,
Nor ever once from the church to stray.

A good local pub has much in common with a church, except that a pub is warmer, and there’s more conversation.

William Booth (1829–1912), British evangelist, founder of the Salvation Army. In Darkest England, and the Way Out (1890)

The tap-room in many cases is the poor man’s only parlour. Many a man takes to beer, not from the love of beer, but from a natural craving for the light, warmth, company, and comfort which is thrown in along with the beer, and which he cannot get excepting by buying beer. Reformers will never get rid of the drink shop until they can outbid it in the subsidiary attractions which it offers to its customers.

William Butler Yeats (1865–1939), Irish poet & playwright,

The Happy Townland

Boughs have their fruit and blossom
At all times of the year;
Rivers are running over
With red beer and brown beer.

The Old Stone Cross
A statesman is an easy man, he tells his lies by rote.

A journalist invents his lies, and rams them down your throat.

So stay at home and drink your beer and let the neighbors vote.

William Oldys, English biographer and bibliographer (1696-1761)

On a Fly Drinking out of a Cup of Ale

Busy, curious, thirsty fly,
Drink with me and drink as I!
Freely welcome to my cup,
Could’st thou sip and sip it up;
Make the most of life you may;
Life is short and wears away.

William Shakespeare (1564–1616) English dramatist

Prince Hal, in King Henry IV, Part 2, act II
I do now remember the poor creature, small beer.

Prince Hal, in King Henry IV, Part 2, act II

Doth it not show viley in me to desire small beer?

Gadshill, in King Henry IV, Part 1, act II

These mad mustachio purple-hued maltworms.

Boy, in The Life of King Henry the Fifth, act III

Would I were in an alehouse in London. I would give all my
fame for a pot of ale, and safety.

Cade, in King Henry VI, Part 2, act IV

There shall be in England seven halfpenny loaves sold for a penny; the three-hooped pot shall have ten hoops; and I will make it felony to drink

small beer.

Third Neigh, in King Henry VI, Part 2, act II

And here’s a pot of good double beer, neighbour: drink, and fear not your man.

Port, in The Famous History of the Life of King Henry the Eighth, act V

for ale and cakes here, you rude rascals?

Iago in Othello, the Moor of Venice, act II
She that could think, and ne’er disclose her mind,

See suitors following, and not look behind.

She was a wight, if ever such wight were—
To suckle fools, and chronicle small beer.

Sly, in The Taming of the Shrew, induction

For God’s sake! a pot of small ale.

Sir Toby Belch in Twelfth Night, act II

Dost thou think because thou art virtuous there shall be no more cakes and ale?

Autolycus, singing in A Winters Tale, act IV

The best beer is where priests go to drink. For a quart of Ale is a dish for a King.

William Shatner, American actor, July 2000

I drink Labatt’s, not Romulan Ale.

William Shatner as James Kirk (in the film Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country)

Note to the galley– Romulan ale no longer to be served at diplomatic functions.

William Stevenson (1530?–1575), English scholar, Gammer Gurton’s Needle: Drinking Song

I am so wrapped, and thoroughly lapped of jolly good ale and old!

Back and side go bare, go bare,
Both foot and hand go cold;
But belly, God send thee good ale enough;
Whether it be new or old!

Winston Churchill, British Prime Minister

Most people hate the taste of beer — to begin with. It is, however, a prejudice.

Willy ‘n Ethel, cartoon characters

Drunk: Have you ever had an out-of-body experience?

Willy: No, but I’ve had several out-of-beer experiences that were just about as bone chilling as you can get.

Ethel: You know how animals can sense fear? Willy can sense beer.

W.L. Hassoldt

None so deaf as those who will not hear.
None so blind as those who will not see.
But I’ll wager none so deaf nor blind that he
Sees not nor hears me say come drink this beer.

————-

Bad Jim’s Ultimate Collection of Beer Lyrics

last update: 17 October 2002

Aaron Tippin, Many, many, many beers ago

Just how long she’s been gone I can’t say I really know
But it’s been many, many, many beers ago.

Aerosmith, Can’t Stop Messin’

and the beer cans in the alley
from the rich folks on the hill
they’re screamin’ hallelujah

Adam Sandler, Bad Boyfriend

I had the beer at work, for God’s sake
Fuck you!

Alabama, Cheap Seats

We like beer flat as can be.

Alice Cooper, Escape
Escape, I’m crying in my beer,
Escape, just get me out of here

Alice Cooper, Guilty
I’m a dirt-talking, beer-drinking, woman-chasing minister’s son.

America, Sandman
Funny I’ve been there
And you’ve been here

We ain’t had no time to drink that beer

The B-52’s, Deadbeat Club
Going down to Allen’s for a twenty-five cent beer

Bad Jim, Beer Can Stomp
I’ll be stompin’ beer cans,

Stompin’ beer cans

Doin’ the Beer Can Stomp!

Bad Religion, Doing Time

Darkness falls, curtain calls, the cynic’s beer soon overflows.

Beastie Boys, Hold It Now - Hit It!

You like men - and we like beer.

Beastie Boys, No Sleep ‘Til Brooklyn

I sip the def ale with all the fly women

Beastie Boys, Paul Revere

Just me and my horsy and a quart of beer
Riding across the land - kicking up sand . . .

. . . Now what do we have here - an outlaw and his beer
I run this land, you understand - I make myself clear.

The Beautiful South, Look What I Found In My Beer

Look what I found in my beer
A couple of dancing ladies and a ticket out of here
Look what I found in my beer
A start to being lonely and an end to my career

Billy Joel, Piano Man
And the piano sounds like a carnival

And the microphone smells like a beer.

Billy Joel, Scenes from an Italian Restaurant

Cold beer, hot lights

My sweet romantic teenage nights

Blood Sweat & Tears, Go Down Gamblin

Born a natural loser — can’t recall just where
Raised on brew and poker and a dollar here and there

Bob & Doug McKenzie, from their version of the song 12 Days of Christmas
And a beer…in a tree

Bob Seger, Roll Me Away

Twelve hours out of Machinaw City stopped in a bar to have a brew

Bobby Goldsboro, Straight Life

Suddenly all my silly thoughts disappear,
She comes to me softly with crackers and beer

Busta Rhymes Featuring Jim Carrey, Grinch 2000

Never mind he already took the liquor out your Heineken
He already quick to try again

Cake, Ain’t No Good
He’s gonna yell when he drinks his beer.

The Clash, Revolution Rock

And you poured your beer in me hat

Collio, Kinda High Kinda Drunk

Got kinda high and uhh kinda drunk
Beer drinkin beer beer drinkin eight ball

Cream (Jack Bruce, Eric Clapton and Ginger Baker) Falstaff Beer
The beer that can slake any thirst, any thirst

The beer you reach for first

When you want to quench your thirst

Falstaff
The thirst slaker

Darin Murphy, Funky Flying Chair
Get a couple of malt liquors to go.

D.H. Murphy, Baytown Homesick Blues
I was lonesome down in Baytown and I was sitting in a bar,

Drinking little shots of whiskey and my thirteenth beer so far.

Dick Feller, Uncle Hiram And The Homemade Beer
Hey there Hiram, what’s goin’ on down there
There’s some peculiar odor comin’ up the basement stairs
Go back to your sewin’ Hon’ - I’m varnishin’ a chair
The time my Uncle Hiram made his famous homemade beer

Elton John, Someone Saved my Life Tonight
And there’s one more beer

And I don’t hear you anymore

Elton John, Talking Old Soldiers

I’d stand at that bar with my friends who’ve passed away
And drink three times the beer that I can drink today

Elton John, Mellow

Don’t forget the beer, my lover dear

It helps to sow the mellow seed

Eminem, I’m Shady

Do drink beer, I just wanna make a few things clear

5 Chinese Brothers, My Dad’s Face

He was fat, I was skinny
He drank beer, I smoked pot
But now my feet are disappearing beneath an ocean of beer

Donald Fagen, New Frontier

We’ve got provisions and lots of beer
The key word is survival on the new frontier

The Fugees, No Woman, No Cry

And then we’d hit the corner store for Roots, paper, and brew.

Floyd Dickson/Blues Bros., Hey Bartender

Draw one, Draw two, Draw three, four glasses of beer

Frank Sinatra - There Used To Be A Ballpark

And the air was such a wonder
From the hot-dogs and the beer.
Yes, there used to be a ballpark right here.

Garth Brooks, Beer Run

[Bad Jim: a blatant rip-off of Todd Snider’s song Beerrun]

Doing ninety miles an hour toward the county line
Quick sack, twelve pack, back agian
It’s a B double - E double - R U N.

Garth Brooks, Low Places
I’ve got friends in low places

Where the whiskey drowns and the beer chases

My blues away

Grateful Dead, Bondi Pier

I was down by Bondi Pier, drinkin’ tubes of ice cold beer,

With a bucket full of prawns upon my knee,

When I swallowed the last prawn,

I had a Technicolor yawn and I chundered in the old Pacific Sea.

Green Day, Westbound Sign

Xanax a beer for thought
And she determined… She’s taking off

Guy Clark, Desperadoes Waiting For A Train

From the time that I could walk he’d take me with him
To a bar called the Green Frog Cafe
There was old men with beer guts and dominos
Lying ’bout their lives while they played

Guy Clark, Uncertain Texas

Have it made in the shade of a very sleepy pine thicket
Get covered up in chiggers and drink ten tubs of beer

So give him his guitar and a long legged girl
Moonlight in Texas and a six-pack of Pearl

Homer Simpson song lyrics from The Simpsons:

Happy With Things The Way They Are
Homer: Around the house, I never lift a finger,
As a husband and a father, I’m sub-par.
I’d rather drink a beer
Than win father of the year,
I’m happy with things the way they are.

Goodbeer
Homer: When I was seventeen
I drank some very good beer
I drank some very good beer I purchased with a fake ID
My name was Brian McGee
We stayed up listening to Queen
When I was seventeen

Hootie & The Blowfish, Let Her Cry

So I sat back down and had a beer and felt sorry for myself

House Of Pain, Put On Your Shit Kickers

You catch us puffin’ on a blunt, and sippin’ a brew
What’s up with that brew, man, hurry up and finish
Now grab the barmaid and order me another Guiness
You can drink the Guiness while I’m sippin’ on the mickeys

Indigo Girls , Galileo

And then you had to bring up reincarnation

Over a couple of beers the other night.

Indigo Girls, Joking

You said good friends are hard to come by I laughed and bought you a beer ’cause it was too corny to cry

Indigo Girls, Lifeblood

Another night in a succession

Thinly glued with beer and wine

Iron Maiden, 2 AM

I get in from work at 2a.m.
And sit down with a beer

Jackson Browne, Rosie
Well I sat her down right next to me
And I got her a beer

While I mixed that sound on the stage
So the band could hear

The Jam, Town Called Malice

To either cut down on beer or the kid’s new gear

Jerry Reed, West Bound and Down, from the movie Smoky and the Bandit
The Boys are thirsty in Atlanta
They got beer in Texarkana
Gonna bring it back no matter what it takes.

Jesus and Mary Chain, fizzy

And my friend Ben thinks that beer is food

Jim Morrison/The Doors, Roadhouse Blues

Well I woke up this mornin’ and I got myself a beer.

Jimmy Buffet, Cheeseburger in Paradise
Big Kosher pickle and a cold draft beer
Well good God Almighty which way do I steer . . .

Jimmy Buffet, The Great Filling Station Hold Up

We’re wanted men, we’ll strike again, but first let’s have a beer.

Jimmy Buffet, Why Don’t we get Drunk and Screw
. . . so barmaid, bring a pitcher

Another round of brew

Oh why don’t we get drunk and screw

John Prine, Jesus the Missing Years

Wine was flowing so were beers

So Jesus found his missing years

John Prine & Gary Nicholson, Quit Hollerin’ At Me
Non-alcoholic beer

It’s enough to make a grown man

Blow up his own TV

Johnny Russell, Rednecks, White Socks and Blue Ribbon Beer

There’s no place that I’d rather be than right here

With my red necks, white socks and blue ribbon beer

Kid Rock, American Bad Ass

30-pack of Stroh’s, 30-pack of hoes
No Rogaine in the propane flows

Kid Rock, Where U At Rock

Where U At Rock? Where U At? Over here, to the rear with your girl and the 40s of beer.

Kris Kristofferson, Sunday Morning Coming Down

Well, I woke up Sunday morning with no way to hold my head that didn’t hurt.

And the beer I had for breakfast wasn’t bad so I had one more for dessert.

Led Zeppelin, Black Country Woman

You didn’t have to make me a total disgrace

Didn’t have to leave me with that beer in my face

Leonard Cohen, Queen Victoria
My father and all his tobacco loved you,
I love you too in all your forms,
the slim and lovely virgin floating among German beer

Live, Century

Everybody’s here
Puke stinks like beer

Live, Horse
it’s the middle of the night and you’re here
playing dominoes and drinking beer

L.L. Cool J, Clap Your Hands

I rhyme like Superman, you rap like Jimmy Olson
I break you like a bottle of green Golden Molson

The Mamas & The Papas, Mississippi

Sippin’ on a beer in Bourbon Street and I’m sittin’ easy
Don’t get me wrong, it takes a lot to please me

Mark Knopfler, El Macho

Gonna buy you another beer
‘Cos you look like a fine thing Jerry

Mary Chapin Carpenter, Hero In Your Own Hometown

We were buzzing on midnight, Luckys and Rolling Rock

Mary Chapin Carpenter, I Am A Town

I’m a town in Carolina, I am billboards in the fields
I’m an old truck up on cinder blocks, missing all my wheels
I am Pabst Blue Ribbon, American, and “Southern Serves the South”
I am tucked behind the Jaycees sign, on the rural route

Meatloaf, Dead Ringer For Love

Rock ‘n roll and brew, rock ‘n roll and brew
They don’t mean a thing when I compare ‘em next to you
Rock ‘n roll and brew, rock ‘n roll and brew
I know that you and I oh we got better things to do

Midnight Oil, Seeing Is Believing

Beer soaked mansions block the sky,
Dingos howl and white flags fly

Mighty Mighty Bosstones, The Bartender’s Song

I like this beer, and your friendly face
I’ve really grown to like this place

Montell Jordan, Can’t Get Enough

About another 30 minutes
A 40-ounce and some Guinness

Nat King Cole, Those Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of summer

Roll out those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer
Those days of soda and pretzels and beer

Neil Young, Changing Highways

See the lights turn
To something graphic
With my suitcase and my brew

The Offspring, One Fine Day

Now excitement seems to grow
When we’re hangin’ with the bro’s
When we’re chillin’ and we pound
A case of Stroh’s

Peter Frampton, Do You Feel Like We Do

Peached up, Peached Ale, never fails.

Phish, Demand

He’s yelling at the parking lot

Throwing beer cans down the stairs

The Presidents Of The United States Of America, Stranger

Slim, relaxed, buyin’ wine at the QFC
On a snowy Saturday night
Black pearls, and I swear you were drinking beer

Badjim.combadjim.combadjim.com

Queen, My Melancholy Blues

Wanna be intoxicated with that special brew

Randy Newman, Christmas In Capetown

This English girl from the North somewhere
Is stayin’ with me at my place
Drinkin’ up all my beer . . .

. . . And the beer don’t taste the way it ought to taste somehow
And I don’t know why

Ray Wiley Hubbard, Redneck Mothers
He sure does like his Falstaff beer.

Reel Big Fish, Beer
. . . and I say, I think I’ll have myself a beer.

Red Clay Ramblers, The Ace
Made a detour by the barbecue shack,

Put twelve cold beers on ice in the back

Ricky Martin, The Cup Of Life

Here we go! Ale,Ale,Ale!
Go,go,go! Ale,Ale!
Arriba Va!! El mundo esta de pie
Go,Go,Go!!! Ale,Ale,Ale

Ricky Nelson, My Bucket’s Got A Hole In It
Yes, my bucket’s got a hole in it
I can’t buy no beer

Roger Waters, Who Needs Information?

Me and Benny went out last night
Looking for fun
Supping ale in the moonlight
Waiting for the dawn to come

The Rolling Stones, Going To A Go Go

It doesn’t matter if you’re black
It doesn’t matter if you’re white
Take a dollar fifty
A six pack of beer
And we goin’ dance all night

Rush, Working Man
I get home at five o’clock, and I take myself out a nice, cold beer.

The Scorpions, It All Depends

Takes my dinner
Drinks my beer
Spends my money
But I don’t care

Shane MacGowan (The Pogues), House Of The Gods

Finally found a place they could never reach
Sipping singha beer on Pattaya Beach
Singha beer don’t ask no questions
Singha beer don’t tell no lies

Sheryl Crow, All I Wanna Do

I like a good beer buzz early in the morning

Sheryl Crow, A Change

He’s a platinum canary drinkin’ Falstaff beer

Simon & Garfunkel, Still Crazy After All These Years

I met my old lover on the street last night
She seemed so glad to see me, I just smiled
And we talked about some old times and we drank ourselves some beer

Slobberbone, (I Can Tell) Your Love Is Waning

A macrame‚ frame, ’round a picture of me,
Sittin’ in a pool of stale beer, on a black and white T.V.

The Smiths, Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others

As Anthony said to Cleopatra
As he opened a crate of ale

Snoop Doggy Dogg, I Love My Momma

Schlitz Malt Liquor was the thing back then
My momma was my homey my daddy, and my best friend

Soul Asylum, Crawl

Good to see you, see you later, maybe one more beer
I’m gonna crawl home from here

Steely Dan, Here at The Western World

Down at the Lido they welcome you with sausage and beer.

Sting, Seven Days

I.Q. is no problem here;

We won’t be playing Scrabble for her hand, I fear;

I need that beer

Stray Cats, Sexy and 17
. . . just a dollar to get in and twenty-five cents a beer

Styx, Too Much Time on My Hands
I’ve given up hope for the afternoon soaps and a bottle of cold brew

Sublime, Burittos

I don’t wanna look at naked chicks and drink beer

They Might Be Giants, Alienation’s for the Rich

Well I ain’t feeling happy
About the state of things in my life
But I’m working to make it better
With a six of Miller High Life

Third Eye Blind, New Girl

But then I’m here again, I’m crying in my beer again

The Toadies, Tyler

I find a window in the kitchen, and I let myself in
Rummage through the refrigerator, find myself a beer

Todd Snider, Beerrun
B double E double R - U - N beer run

B double E double R - U - N beer run
All we need is a ten and a fiver

A car, and a key, and a sober driver

B double E double R - U - N beer run

Tom T. Hall, I like Beer

Whiskeys too rough,

Champagne costs too much,

Vodka puts my mouth in gear.

I hope this refrain,

Will help me explain,

As a matter of fact, I like beer.

Tom Paxton, Yuppies in the Sky

I’d seen them in commercials sailing boats and playing ball

Pouring beer for one another, crying, “Why not have it all”

Traditional, In Heaven there is No Beer Polka

In Heaven there is no beer

That’s why we drink it here

And when we’re gone from here

All our friends will be drinking all our beer

Traditional, Stack A Lee

Stack-A-Lee walked to the barroom, and he called for a glass of beer

Violent Femmes, I Wanna See You Again

Cast out fear.
Let me, buy you a beer.

Weezer, Slob

Waiting for little clues to appear
That I drank some of grandaddy’s beer

Widespread Panic, Space Wrangler
He’s knowing that he found the place
That pours the coldest beer
Skol, very cold beer
Cheers, to your friends so near
High, your dreams so clear
Raise another glass to the dreams so near

Will Glahe - Beer Barrel Polka [translated from Czech, its original title was "Skoda Lasky" (Unrequited Love) - as recorded by The Andrews Sisters in 1939]

Roll it out, roll it out, roll out the barrel
Da-da-da da-da da-da da-da-da-da-da
Sing a song of good cheer
‘Cause the whole gang is here
Roll it out, roll it out
Let’s do the beer barrel polka

XTC, Dear God
Dear god, hope you get the letter and…
I pray you can make it better down here

I don’t mean a big reduction in the price of beer

XTC, No Thugs In Our House

Is this your son’s wallet I’ve got here?

He must have dropped it after too much beer!

XTC, Meccanic Dancing (Oh! We go!)

I’m standing in front of this girl

I’m under a fluorescent light

I’ve had a few beers inside me

I feel like a giant tonight

XTC, The Affiliated

He’d nothing to fear

He had his beer B-E-E-R!

ZZ Top, Mexican Blackbird

Now, ya got it! Hand me another one of them brews from back there.
Oh, this is gonna be so good.

ZZ Top, Beer Drinkers & Hell Raisers
I’ll be here around suppertime with my can of dinner and a bunch of fine beer drinkers and hell raisers, yeah.

—–

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