Badjim.com

April 16, 2014

Zuckerberg Vows Facebook Will Shoot Down Google Drones

Filed under: Clean, Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 4:35 pm

MENLO PARK, CA (The Borowitz Report) — One day after Google outbid Facebook for a manufacturer of solar-powered drones, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg served warning that his company was prepared to blow Google’s drones out of the skies.
At a presentation for Facebook employees at the company’s headquarters in Menlo Park, Zuckerberg announced plans to build a $24 billion Facebook laser shield, a global network of satellites capable of identifying and incinerating Google drones in midair.
Zuckerberg delighted his audience with a brief animated demonstration showing a Facebook satellite locking in on a Google drone and obliterating it with a green laser.
“Unfriended, bitch,” said Zuckerberg, to a roaring ovation from his employees.
Within an hour, Google responded with a stern warning of is own, vowing, “Any act of aggression against Google drones will not stand.”
To that end, the company announced that it was prepared to shoot down Facebook’s laser satellites with a long-range super cannon called Google Gun.

April 12, 2014

Dumbass of the Month

Filed under: In the News — Bad Jim @ 1:46 pm

RIP Jesse Winchester 1944-2014

Compliments of Injun Joe:
Woman complains to police about marijuana quality
Apr 7, 3:04 PM EDT
LUFKIN, Texas (AP) — Police in East Texas have arrested a woman after she called them to complain about the quality of the marijuana she had purchased from a dealer.

Lufkin police Sgt. David Casper said Monday that an officer went to the home of 37-year-old Evelyn Hamilton to hear her complaint that the dealer refused to return her money after she objected that the drug was substandard.

Casper says she pulled the small amount of marijuana from her bra when the officer asked if she still had it.

She was arrested Friday on a charge of possession of drug paraphernalia.

Hamilton said Monday that she spent $40 on “seeds and residue.” She says she called police when she got no satisfaction from the dealer’s family.

April 9, 2014

The confessional

Filed under: Bad Religon — Bad Jim @ 10:05 am

From Injun Joe in Arizona:
I went into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.
On one wall, there’s a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses.
On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. Then the priest comes in.
I say to him, “Father, forgive me, for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.”
He replies: “Get out, you moron, you’re on my side!!”