March 20, 2014

Bank robbery

Filed under: Generally Bad — Bad Jim @ 7:32 am

Blame Chriss in Dubai:
Two bandits decide to rob a bank at night. They have planned it carefully so that they will have no trouble entering. On the night of the robbery, not a single alarm goes off. When they enter the bank they come across a room filled with vaults. One of the bandits manages to open one of the vaults, only to discover there is nothing inside except a small bowl of yoghurt.

The two bandits open up all the vaults, one by one, and each vault only contains a small bowl of yoghurt. ‘We have been cheated! Let’s eat all the yoghurt to get back at them!’

The two bandits eat all the yoghurt and leave with their bellies full.

The next day all the papers have the same headline: ‘Unexplained robbery at spermbank.’

March 18, 2014

CNN Apologizes

Filed under: Clean, Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 4:03 am

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) CNN apologized to its viewers today for briefly airing a story on Sunday that had nothing to do with the missing Malaysia Airlines flight.

The story, which caused thousands of viewers to contact the network in anger, had something to do with Crimea, Ukraine, and Russia.

In the official apology, CNN chief Jeff Zucker wrote, “On Sunday, we briefly cut away from our nonstop coverage of Flight 370 to talk about something else. We’re not going to sugarcoat it: we messed up. CNN regrets the error and promises our viewers that it won’t happen again.”

March 17, 2014

Happy St Paddy’s Day

Filed under: Ethnic/Regional Jokes, Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 5:40 am

And Bad Jim is back in the USA to celebrate!
Barty was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O’Reilly wandered by.
‘Help!’ Barty shouted, ‘Oi’m sinkin’!’
‘Don’t worry,’ assured Mick. ‘Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi’m the strongest man in Erin, and Oi’ll pull ye right out o’there.’
Mick leaned out and grabbed Barty’s hand and pulled and pulled to no avail.
After two more unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to Barty, ‘Shure, an’ Oi can’t do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi’ll have to get some help.’
As Mick was leaving, Barty called ‘Mick! Mick! D’ye think it will help if Oi pull me feet out of the stirrups’