Badjim.com

January 9, 2014

Irving gets engaged

Filed under: Clean, Ethnic/Regional Jokes — Bad Jim @ 11:56 pm

From MBlack in Texas:
The Jewish sisters-in-law meet at their weekly session at the beauty shop. Ruth says to Golda, “Such news I got for you, Golda! My Irving is finally getting married. He tells me he is engaged to this wonderful Jewish girl, but he thinks the poor darling may have some strange illness called herpes.”

After offering congratulations, Golda says to Ruth, “So, Ruthie, do you have any idea what is this herpes, and can your Irving catch it?”

Ruth answers, “God forbid! But his Papa and I are just so happy to hear about his engagement. You know how we’ve all worried about him. It’s past time he’s settled with a nice girl. As far as the herpes goes, who knows?”

“Well,” Golda says, “I have a very fine medical dictionary, you know, Ruthie. I’ll just run home right now and look it up and call you.”

Golda goes home, looks it up, and calls Ruth excitedly, “Ruth! Ruth! Thank goodness, I found it. Not to worry! It says herpes is a disease affecting the gentiles.”

January 8, 2014

Not for Astronauts

Filed under: Clean, Link of the Week — Bad Jim @ 2:09 pm

RIP: Run Run Shaw 1907-2014

Bad Jim on the road is coming to you from Farnborough, England (near
London)

From Head Bozo in Houston:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WoM2bHfr48

January 5, 2014

How to win your divorce case

Filed under: Clean, Gender Bashing — Bad Jim @ 8:05 am

I went into my local library and asked, “Have you got a book called ‘How to win your divorce case please?”

“Yes, sir,” the librarian replied, “the woman’s version is under non-fiction, and the men’s is under fiction, humor.”

January 3, 2014

Frank text

Filed under: Groaners — Bad Jim @ 11:04 pm

Blame Ave in Montana:
Text from daughter to mom: “Hello mom, I need your advice. I have some of my boyfriend’s cum stuck in my hair. How do I get it out? Will I have to cut it out?”

Text from mom to daughter: “It’s nice you can send me such a frank text. No, you won’t have to cut it out. I’ve had loads of cum in my hair over the years and it will just wash out.

Daughter back to mom: “OMG, I misspelled gum.”

In the News - Fights off 15 policemen

Filed under: In the News, Jim's Bad Law — Bad Jim @ 8:42 am

Andrew Frey, Man ‘High On Meth, Fights Off 15 Police Officers While Ma5turbating’
A man who was allegedly high on meth reportedly fought off more than a dozen police officers while publicly ma5turbating.
Andrew Frey, 37, apparently made a series of outbursts and then began ma5turbating in an Oregon restaurant, The Oregonian reports.
Incredibly, police were reportedly unable to subdue Frey with a Taser.
It took 15 officers to finally take him into custody and stop him pleasuring himself.
Frey later Reportedly told authorities that he tool methamphetamine and couldn’t remember the obscene incident, according to the Marion County Sheriff’s office.
Frey was treated at a local hospital and then booked into county jail on charges of public indecency, theft of services, and resisting arrest.

January 1, 2014

TV game show

Filed under: Clean, Groaners, Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 8:46 am

Happy New Year!
From Uncle Randy in Highland, Indiana:
The TV game show was really close.
One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa’s reindeer.
The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, “Rudolph and Olive!”
The host asked the contestant, “We’ll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?”
The man looked at the host and said, “You know, ‘Olive’ the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names…”