Badjim.com

November 29, 2013

Things you will never hear an Alabama Football fan say . . .

Filed under: Clean, Ethnic/Regional Jokes — Bad Jim @ 7:23 pm

I have reviewed your job application.

I hope this wasn’t tested on animals.

Nope, no more for me. I’m driving tonight.

I’ll take Literature for 1000, Alex.

I’ve got it all on my external hard drive.

Too many deer heads on the wall detract from the decor.

I’ll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

Trim the fat off that steak.

Come to think of it, I’ll have a Guinness.

You can’t feed that to the dog.

Checkmate.

She’s too old to be wearing a bikini.

Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Lou

I don’t think banjo sounds good with that song.

Smoking is such a nasty habit.

I didn’t know that could be fried.

Oh I just couldn’t. I mean really, she’s only sixteen

My truck will never make through that mud bog

I’m too drunk to fish

Paintball is for kids

Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?

Get that dog out of my truck!

I have reviewed your job application.

I hope this wasn’t tested on animals.

Nope, no more for me. I’m driving tonight.

I’ll take Literature for 1000, Alex.

I’ve got it all on my external hard drive.

Too many deer heads on the wall detract from the decor.

I’ll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

Trim the fat off that steak.

Come to think of it, I’ll have a Guinness.

You can’t feed that to the dog.

Checkmate.

She’s too old to be wearing a bikini.

Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Lou

I don’t think banjo sounds good with that song.

Smoking is such a nasty habit.

I didn’t know that could be fried.

Oh I just couldn’t. I mean really, she’s only sixteen

My truck will never make through that mud bog

I’m too drunk to fish

Paintball is for kids

Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?

Get that dog out of my truck!

November 27, 2013

Thansgiving quotes

Filed under: Clean, Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 7:58 pm

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone
in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I
killed them and took their land. - Jon Stewart

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often. - Johnny Carson

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen. - Kin Hubbard

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half*times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. - Erma Bombeck

I love Thanksgiving turkey… it’s the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Thanksgiving, man! Not a good day to be my pants. - Kevin James

Looks like they’ll be feeding him Thanksgiving dinner through a tube.
–Sportscaster on the football player’s injury, “The Simpsons”

Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, Well, this has been fun, but we
know you have a long voyage back to England. - Jay Leno

When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a
turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following
Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of
thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It
was the cat! - David Letterman

November 26, 2013

Frozen turkey

Filed under: Clean, Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 3:29 pm

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family.

She asked the stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

The stock boy answered, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

November 25, 2013

Undestanding Thanksgiving

Filed under: Clean, Jim's Bad Holidays, Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 7:45 am

I’m not sure Texas Gov. Rick Perry understands Thanksgiving. When they asked him if he were gonna deep fry a turkey, he said, “Well, if he’s found guilty.” - Jay Leno

November 23, 2013

That’s not FAIR! Link of the Week

Filed under: Clean, Link of the Week — Bad Jim @ 10:17 am

From Da Mu Guai in Dubai:

“That’s NOT Fair!” haha.

http://bit.ly/1dmt9Pk

November 22, 2013

Thanksgiving in the UK

Filed under: Clean, Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 7:35 am

A few years ago, an American and a British journalist were discussing Thanksgiving on a British radio program. The American asked if Thanksgiving was celebrated in the UK.

“Yes,” the British journalist replied, “but we celebrate it on the 6th of September.”

“Why then?”

“That’s when you chaps left.”

November 21, 2013

Quote of the Day

Filed under: Clean, Other Bad Jokes or Useless Crap — Bad Jim @ 2:32 pm

Drat! I forgot to go to the gym today … that’s 8 years in a row now - Bill Murray

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