October 29, 2012

Here is something scary.

Filed under: Groaners, Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 3:57 pm

Yesterday they found 42 dead bats.

You know where?

The Detroit Tigers dugout.

– Jay Leno

October 23, 2012

Actual conversation

Filed under: Actual conversations heard . . ., Back to School — Bad Jim @ 7:45 pm

An actual nerdy engineer dialogue heard at a fabrication yard in Angola during the weighing of an FPSO module.

Arrogant French Method Engineer: So, what do we do now? Add up all four of the load cell readings?
Bad Jim: Yeah.
Method Engineer: So it weighs 4022 tonnes?
Bad Jim: (with ‘you gotta be shittin me’ expression) No, the gauge units are kilonewtons
Method Engineer: So how do we convert that to tonnes?
Bad Jim: Divide by 9.81
Method Engineer: How did you know that?
Bad Jim: They teach shit like that at Arizona State. It’s called Physics 101.

TSA plans to fire screener

Filed under: In the News — Bad Jim @ 7:39 pm

Compliments of Injun Joe:

Compliments of Injun Joe:

TSA plans to fire screener over s3x-toy note

Associated Press

NEWARK, N.J. - The Transportation Security Administration says it intends to fire a baggage screener in New Jersey who left a handwritten note in a woman*s suitcase that contained a s3x toy.

The TSA says the note was “highly inappropriate.”

It reads: “Get your freak on girl”

The bag belongs to New York lawyer and feminist blogger Jill Filipovic. She flew to Ireland from Newark Liberty International Airport on Saturday.

The note got widespread attention after she posted a photo of it on Twitter.

TSA spokesman Kawika Riley says the agency took swift action after learning about it.

Riley says the worker has been removed from a screening job and the TSA has personally apologized to the passenger. over s3x-toy note.

October 19, 2012

Not coming into work today . . .

Filed under: Clean, Gender Bashing — Bad Jim @ 7:32 am

I called my boss this morning and said, “I’m not coming into work today.”

“Why not?” he asked.

I said, “My wife is throwing up in bed and she hasn’t ironed my uniform.”

“That’s no excuse,” he shouted.

I said, “I know, but try telling her that.”

October 18, 2012

Short story

Filed under: Generally Bad — Bad Jim @ 8:35 am

Blame Lisa in Port Arthur, Texas for this!

Once upon a time,

Fcuk you.

The end.

October 15, 2012

Deer Crossing

Filed under: Link of the Week — Bad Jim @ 10:19 am

Compliments of Uncle Randy in Chicago (and a few other folks)
I think this lady was dropped on her head at birth.

October 5, 2012

Model prisoner

Filed under: Clean, Groaners — Bad Jim @ 12:20 pm

Blame this on Info “Spellchecker” Bob in Houston:

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden knew that, deep down, Andy was a good person. So, the warden made arrangements for the inmate to learn a trade while doing his time.
Some three years later, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often, he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for citizens of the community. And, he always reported back to prison by early Sunday evening. Andy was a model inmate.One day, the warden considered remodeling his kitchen, though he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top.
So, he called Andy into his office and asked him to do the job for him. To the warden’s surprise, Andy simply refused to help.
“But, you’re an expert. Andy, I really need your help,” said the warden.
“Gosh, warden, I’d really like to help you, but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place.”