August 31, 2012

Saskatchewan rancher

Filed under: Bad Blondes — Bad Jim @ 8:34 am

Oldie but goody from Harry in London:

A blonde city girl named Judy marries a Saskatchewan rancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Judy, “The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow’s stall is in the barn.

“Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?”

The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Judy takes him down to the barn.

They walk along the row of cows and when Judy sees the nail, she tells him, “This is the one right here.” The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks,

“Tell me lady, cause I’m dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?”

“That’s simple,* she said. “By the nail that’s over its stall,” she explains very confidently.

Laughing rudely at her, the man says, “And what, pray tell, is the nail for?”

The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, “I guess it’s to hang your pants on.”

August 28, 2012


Filed under: Clean, Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 6:02 am

From Info Bob in Houston:

My father was a staunch conservative and
voted straight line Republican until the day he died.
Now, he votes Democrat.

August 13, 2012

Exercise advise

Filed under: Clean, Other Bad Jokes or Useless Crap — Bad Jim @ 6:37 am

According to Roughrider Dale in Egypt:

I went to the gym yesterday and said to a trainer, “Which machine can I use to impress that beautiful blonde over there?

He looked at me and replied, “Try the cash machine outside the front door.”

August 11, 2012

“I like to drive around naked”

Filed under: Bad Religon, In the News — Bad Jim @ 10:38 am

I wonder if he’s a Randy Travis fan? - Injuneer Joe

Priest to cop: “I like to drive around naked”
By Jim Schaefer and Jennifer Dixon - Aug. 10, 2012 09:23 AM
Detroit Free Press
DEARBORN, Mich. - The pastor of a Catholic parish was completely undressed and told city police, “I like to drive around naked,” after he was pulled over last week, according to the arresting officer’s report.
“I was, uh, hot. … I like to drive around naked,” Dearborn Officer Robert Gafford quoted the Rev. Peter Petroske as saying after the priest was stopped at 11:18 p.m. Aug. 2. Another motorist had called 911 after noticing Petroske was naked while driving north on Telegraph near Michigan Avenue.
Police said Petroske’s clothes were scattered across the inside of his 2002 Volkswagen Passat. He was allowed to get dressed before stepping out of the vehicle for sobriety tests, which he failed.
“I don’t know what to say. I’m embarrassed,” police quoted the 57-year-old as saying.
The police report said officers detected a strong odor of alcohol in the vehicle and that Petroske was unable to recite the alphabet correctly or count backward. A chemical test showed his blood-alcohol level was .09, the report said. In Michigan, a person can be convicted of drunken driving at a .08 level.

August 9, 2012

This month’s winner of Bad Jim’s Darryl Strawberry Memorial Role Model Award

Filed under: Clean, In the News — Bad Jim @ 10:21 am

Forwarded by Wackozacko in Houston:
Country music legend Randy Travis is at it again.
Grayson County Texas Sheriff’s Sergeant Rickey Wheeler says the singer was arrested late Tuesday night for drunk driving, about 60 miles north of Dallas.
“Our office got a 911 call about 11:20 last night,” Wheeler told 1200 WOAI news. “A male subject laying in the roadway, possibly involved in a vehicle accident.”
Wheeler says Travis was arrested by a Texas DPS Trooper, and after Travis refused to provide a blood or breath sample, he was taken to the hospital and blood was drawn from him.
“He was not clothed at the time,” Wheeler said.
In addition, Wheeler says while Travis was being transported to the jail, he made threats to shoot and kill the troopers working the case.
Wheeler says Travis was released late this morning on $21,500 bond on charges of driving while intoxicated and retaliation, due to the threat to kill the trooper.
Retaliation is a second degree felony which carries a potential term of 2-20 years in prison. The DWI charge is a misdemeanor.
This latest incident happened just outside the tiny town of Tioga, which is Travis’ hometown. Tioga is not far from Sanger Texas, where Travis, 53, was arrested in February on a public intoxication charge
after he was found allegedly drunk inside his car in a church parking lot.

August 8, 2012

Video of the Day - Quick! Get in the car!

Filed under: Clean, Link of the Week, Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 1:24 pm

Hummmm. Guess we should have tried this at home first.

The Goldberg Brothers - The Inventors of the Automobile Air

Filed under: Clean, Groaners — Bad Jim @ 6:37 am

Blame the Head Bozo in Houston for this!

Here’s a little fact for automotive buffs or just to dazzle your friends. The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July
17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford’s office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter. Henry was
curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car. They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.
The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent. The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, “The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,” on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.
Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg’s name on two million Fords. They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally
agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.
And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show “Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max” on the controls.

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