Badjim.com

April 28, 2012

Seizure

Filed under: Generally Bad — Bad Jim @ 7:23 pm

From Da Mu Guai in Dubai:

Q) What do you do if an epileptic has a seizure whilst in the bath??

A) Throw in soap and your dirty laundry

April 27, 2012

Product reviews of the Month

Filed under: Link of the Week — Bad Jim @ 10:33 am

From Owen in Wales:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

April 26, 2012

Boobs vs Willies

Filed under: Gender Bashing — Bad Jim @ 7:11 am

From Terry Tak in Corpus:
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”
The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s boobs are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.”
“Onions?”
“Yes, you see them and they make you cry.”
This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, “Mom, how many kinds of ‘willies’ are there?”
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, “Well dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 60s, it is like a Christmas tree.”
“A Christmas tree?”
“Yes . . . dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

April 24, 2012

In the News - B6stards!

Filed under: Bad Jim's Pub, Clean, In the News — Bad Jim @ 7:14 am

Injun Joe is at it again:

Alabama bans beer brand over dirty name
Apr. 19, 2012 10:18 AM
Associated Press
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. You can buy Fat B6stard wine in Alabama, but you’ll have to go elsewhere for Dirty B6stard beer.

The state alcoholic beverage control agency said Thursday it has banned Dirty B6stard beer because of profanity on its label. But the maker, Michigan-based Founders Brewing Co., can appeal the decision to the agency’s board.

The state allows the sale of Fat B6stard wine. But board attorney Bob Martin says the brand was approved years ago, and he doesn’t know the circumstances.

Alabama gained notice a few years ago for banning a wine brand that featured a nude nymph on its label. Its decision on the beer is opposed by Free The Hops, a group that advocates for new beer brands in Alabama.

April 20, 2012

You just can’t make this stuff up!

Filed under: In the News — Bad Jim @ 7:15 am

From Injuneer Joe in Fountain Hills, Arizona
Phoenix City Council approves ban on horse diving
The Phoenix City Council on Wednesday approved a ban on horse diving, the act of having a horse dive into a pool of water from dozens of feet in the air.
Phoenix City Councilwoman Thelda Williams brought the issue to the council, saying she wanted to be proactive to ban horse-diving efforts in the city.
In 2008, Williams successfully convinced fellow council members to ban horse tripping, the practice of roping or tripping equines for the purpose of entertainment. The council’s vote Wednesday amends the horse-tripping ordinance to include the ban on horse diving. A first offense would carry a fine of $1,000.
Williams hasn’t heard of any recent horse-diving attempts, but she said she came across emails in December suggesting an effort may be planned.
A recent attempt to revive equine diving at the famed Atlantic City Steel Pier, where it was popular from the 1920s to ’70s, was squashed after protests from animal-rights groups.

April 15, 2012

Politically incorrect!!

Filed under: Bad Religon — Bad Jim @ 7:39 am

From Montana Ave:
A Catholic nun was sitting on a train opposite a Middle eastern man wearing a keffiyeh and eating some fresh shrimp.
Every time he ate one he spat the tail at her and she had to throw it out the window.
Eventually she got pissed off and pulled the Emergency Cord.
The man looked at her and said, “You’ll get fined $250 for doing that you stupid Catholic slut.”
She laughed back and said, “When I cry out rape and they smell your fingers, you’ll get 10 years, you towel-headed camel fcuker.”

April 14, 2012

Latest from Borowitz

Filed under: Clean, Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 7:25 am

April 13, 2012
North Korea Expelled from Axis of Evil
Ahmadinejad Cites ‘Lack of Evil’
PYONGYANG (The Borowitz Report) – Just hours after an embarrassing launch of a rocket that crashed to the ground in a little over a minute, North Korea suffered another blow to its prestige as it was expelled from the Axis of Evil.
The decision was announced by the presiding Chairman of the Axis of Evil, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who cited as the reason for the expulsion North Korea’s evident “lack of evil.”
“There are a lot of evil countries out there, Iran for one, who are trying to terrify the world by developing nuclear weapons,” he said. “When North Korea launches a so-called ‘rocket’ and it goes about twenty feet before blowing up, that just makes it harder for the rest of us.”
A spokesman for the erstwhile evil nation objected strongly to Mr. Ahmadinejad’s statement, saying it was “totally unfair to judge how evil a country is based on one crappy rocket.”
For a rogue nation that prides itself on threatening the world community, membership in the Axis of Evil is considered essential, which makes North Korea’s expulsion from the group a particularly damaging setback.
“The rocket thing is hurting our credibility, evil-wise, no question about it,” one aide to North Korean President Kim Jong-un said today. “This afternoon we tried to threaten Japan and it went straight to voicemail.”
In a possible sign of newly reduced ambitions, North Korea today hurled a roll of toilet paper over the border at South Korea.
Mr. Ahmadinejad offered no comment about the latest incident on the Korean Peninsula, other than to say, “Really, the whole thing is kind of sad.”

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