Badjim.com

March 31, 2012

Link of the Week - Fitness

Filed under: Clean, Link of the Week, Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 10:23 am

Thanks to the Wildman in Angola for his generous contribution to Emily’s Relay for Life fundraiser for the American Cancer Society. There is still time to contribute and help Emily make her goal of $2000. It also makes a nice tax deduction AND you will get your name (or nickname) in lights on Bad Jim’s Jokelist.

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY12?px=22906088&pg=personal&fr_id=41075

Link for the Week compliments of GeeSeven in Austin, Texas, USA.
http://i.imgur.com/bQUI3.jpg

March 30, 2012

Tender Tony

Filed under: Geriatrics — Bad Jim @ 2:50 pm

RIP: Earl Scruggs, 1924-2012

An oldie from Head Bozo over at DeFalco’s in Houston:
Last week, she checked into a motel on her 70th birthday and she was a bit lonely. She thought, “I’ll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages.”
She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a silver dollar off his well oiled bum….
She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I’ll give him a call.
“Good evening, ma’am, how may I help you?” . . Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy!
Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in, “Hi, I hear you give a great massage. I’d like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I’m in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you’ve got in your bag of tricks. We’ll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I’m ready!! Now how does that sound?”
He said, “That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line.”

March 29, 2012

Cowboy shopping

Filed under: Generally Bad — Bad Jim @ 12:54 pm

Welcome Frogpond to Jim’s Bad Jokelist. Not sure where he or she is from - but welcome just the same.

From Coonass Kim:
Cowboy: Give me 3 packets of condoms please.

Cashier: Do you need a paper bag with that sir?

Cowboy: Nah… she ain’t that ugly!!

March 28, 2012

Dubious Achievement Award?

Filed under: Bad Jim's Pub, In the News — Bad Jim @ 8:15 am

From Wackozacko in Houston:
Maybe Bad Jim should start passing out Dubious Achievement Awards. This guy is our first candidate.
Drunken man had blood-alcohol level of 0.552 percent
By Erin Guerra SunTimes Media
Police in Northwest Indiana said a man they found unconscious along the side of a road had a staggering blood-alcohol level seven times the legal limit.
James Henderson, 28, of Valparaiso, was hospitalized for alcohol poisoning with a blood-alcohol level of 0.552 percent.
Sgt. Larry LaFlower, spokesman for the Porter County Sheriff’s Department, said that level might be a record for his county. Individuals tend to fall into a coma at about 0.40 percent and death is possible, according to guidelines by Indiana University.
About 3:15 p.m. Saturday, a woman saw Henderson lying along a road north of Valparaiso with a woman sitting beside him. She stopped and called 911 when she passed back the same way about 15 minutes later and Henderson was still lying there but was now alone.
Henderson had several bruises and, when he was wakened during treatment, made a barely coherent statement of being struck by a vehicle, police said, although they have not confirmed that happened.
Once he is released from Porter hospital, police expect Henderson to be charged with public intoxication. He has a history of alcohol-related arrests.

March 26, 2012

Belated Irish joke . . .

Filed under: Bad Jim's Pub, Clean, Ethnic/Regional Jokes — Bad Jim @ 9:47 am

From Mom in Indiana:
At an Irish wedding reception someone yelled, “Would all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living.”

The bartender was almost crushed to death.

March 23, 2012

Mechanic/Surgeon

Filed under: Bad Medicine, Clean — Bad Jim @ 2:49 pm

From Roadwarrior Larry in Breckenridge, CO:
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?”
The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine.
I open its heart, take valves out, fix ‘em, put ‘em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new.
So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?”
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic…
“Try doing it with the engine running.”

March 22, 2012

Father of the Year

Filed under: Generally Bad — Bad Jim @ 12:53 pm

From Roughrider Dale in Algeria:

A man boarded a plane with six kids.

After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, “Are all of those kids yours ?”

He replied, “No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints.”

Next Page »