February 29, 2012

Golf club application

Filed under: Bad Jim's Golf Course, Personal — Bad Jim @ 2:08 pm

For some reason several people were sent to a generic site when they tried to follow the link to Emily’s *Relay for Life* personal website. Though this seems to be identical to the link Bad Jim sent out before, this seems to work. Give it a try if you’re inclined to make a donation to a worthy cause. Let me know if there are further problems.
Thanks to Fred in Norway and Sagging Tray George in Montana for their generous donations.


From Info Bob in Houston:
An elderly Scottish Jew decided to retire and take up golf.
So he applied for membership at a local golf club.
About a week later he received a letter that his application has been rejected.
So he went to the club to inquire as to why:
Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club?
Scot: Aye, but I am as Scottish as you are, ma’am, my name is MacTavish.
Secretary: Do you know that on formal occasions we wear a kilt?
Scot: Aye, I do know, and I wear a kilt too.
Secretary: You are also aware, that we wear nothing under the kilt?
Scot: Aye, and neither do I.
Secretary: Are you also aware, that the members sit naked in the steam room?
Scot: Aye, I also do the same.
Secretary: But you are a Jew?
Scot: Aye, I be that.
Secretary: So, being Jewish, you are circumcised, is that correct?
Scot: Aye, I be that, too.
Secretary: I am terribly sorry, but the members just would not feel comfortable sitting in the steam room with you, since your privates are different from theirs.
Scot: Ach, away with ya, ma*am. I know that you have to be a Protestant to march with the Orangemen. And I know that you have to be a Catholic to join the Knights of Columbus. But this is the first time I’ve heard that you have to be a complete prick to join a golf club.

February 28, 2012

His daughter is moving out

Filed under: Clean, Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 3:27 pm

From Mohamed in Cairo:
Last night, my daughter just walked into the living room and said,”Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, stereo, iPhone, iPod, and my laptop.

“Please take all of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Goodwill. Then sell my car.

“Take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don’t forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my sister.”

Well. she didn’t exactly say that, she said, “Dad, I decided to work for Obama’s re-election campaign.”

February 27, 2012

Frank Carson

Filed under: Clean, Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 1:13 pm

RIP: Frank Carson, 1926-2012
Frank is the author of one of Bad Jim’s all-time favorite Christmas jokes - and a bunch of great one-liners:

Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are at a Christmas party and each had to bring something to do with Christmas. Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, Scotsman brought a bag of holly and the Irishman brought a pair of knickers.

I asked, “What’s that got to do with Christmas?”

“They’re Carol’s.”

February 19, 2012

In the News - Pole dancing

Filed under: Bad Religon, In the News — Bad Jim @ 9:58 am

Spotted by MWKMike in Houston:

Christian pole dancing class creating controversy
Sonia Azad
OLD TOWN SPRING, TX (KTRK) — Women in the Houston area are pole dancing once a month … for Jesus. Yes, the dance moves once reserved for strip clubs are being embraced by devout, church-going women.

In the quaint turn-of-the-century community called Old Town Spring, where Victorian style shops line the streets, one business stands out - pole fitness for Jesus. There’s no preaching, just teaching.

Set to Christian music, church-going women spin and slither around poles. But the instructor and the students say it’s not about sex.

“This is my second class,” student Tiffany Booth said.

For them, this is about getting closer to God.

“God gives us these bodies and they are supposed to be our temples and we are supposed to take care of them and that’s what we are doing,” instructor Crystal Dean said.

Booth was raised in church. Now, the pole is her temple.

“I do feel a spiritual connection whenever you have the music on and it’s singing about lifting you up and being closer to God. You do feel that,” she said.

Getting classes off the ground hasn’t been easy for Dean.

“Some guy came up with his Bible and we were in class and he thumped on the door and was waving his Bible,” Dean said. “People who want to sit there and judge it, you know, like well that is sacrilegious or you know. That doesn’t make you a good Christian when you judge other people.”

February 17, 2012

Jewish son

Filed under: Bad Religon, Clean, Ethnic/Regional Jokes — Bad Jim @ 2:43 pm

From MBlack:

A Jewish businessman in Chicago decided to send his son to Israel to absorb some of the culture of the homeland. When the son returned, the father asked him to tell him about his trip.

The son said, “Pop,I had a great time in Israel. By the way, I converted to Christianity.”

“Oy, vey,” said the father. “Vot haf I dun?”

He decided to go ask his friend Jacob what to do.

Jake said, “Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel, and he also came back a Christian. Perhaps we should go see the rabbi and ask him what we should do.”

So they went to see the rabbi.

The rabbi replied,”Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel.
He also came back a Christian. What is happening to our young people?
Perhaps we should go talk to God and ask him what to do.”

The three of them prayed and explained what had happened to their sons
and asked God what to do.

Suddenly a voice came loud and clear from Heaven: “Funny you should ask. I, too, sent my Son to Israel.”

February 15, 2012

Valentine’s Day question

Filed under: Groaners, Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 11:22 am

Roughrider Dale in Algeria asks:

What is 6 inches long and was NOT sucked on Valentine’s Day ??

Whitney Houston’s crack pipe !!

February 13, 2012

Top 10 reasons why there are no Hip-Hop Stars that are NASCAR drivers:

Filed under: Bad Lists, Clean, Ethnic/Regional Jokes — Bad Jim @ 4:19 pm

# 10 - Have to sit upright while driving.

# 9 - Pistol won’t stay under front seat.

# 8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music.

# 7 - Pit crew can-t work on car while holding up pants at the same time.

# 6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr.

# 5 - Police cars on track interfere with race.

# 4 - No passenger seat for the Ho.

# 3 - No Cadillac Escalades approved for competition.

# 2 - When they crash their cars, they bail out and run.


# 1 - They can’t wear their helmets sideways.

Next Page »