January 23, 2012

Sorry about this!

Filed under: Clean, Groaners — Bad Jim @ 8:11 am

Blame Go-kart Al in Ozzieland for this!
A man phones an model shop and asks “Do you have a model of an Italian cruise liner?” ?

The shop owner replies, “Yes we have just one left.”

“Can you put it to one side for me please?!!”

January 20, 2012

In the News - Happy Ending Meal

Filed under: In the News — Bad Jim @ 4:35 am

Bad Jim - Wonder what she would do for a Happy (Ending) Meal….
Coonass Kim

Police: woman offered sexual favors in exchange for McNuggets
January 16, 2012 9:51 a.m.
A Los Angeles woman was arrested after she offered sexual favors in exchange for chicken McNuggets, Burbank police said.
Khadijah Baseer of Los Angeles reportedly opened customers’ car doors in the drive-thru of McDonald’s on the 1700 block of Olive Avenue about 11 p.m. Wednesday, asking for free chicken McNuggets in exchange for sexual favors, Officer Joshua Kendrick said.
A man told police Baseer approached him but he refused the offer.
Baseer was arrested Wednesday on suspicion of prostitution.

January 13, 2012

Sign language help

Filed under: Link of the Week — Bad Jim @ 4:51 am


From Geeseven in Austin, TX

January 10, 2012

Young blonde wife

Filed under: Bad Blondes, Geriatrics — Bad Jim @ 7:37 am

Posted by the Head Bozo in Houston:
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast.

At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?”

Bob replies, “Girlfriend? She*s my wife!”

They are knocked over, but continue to ask. “So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?”

“I lied about my age”, Bob replies.

“What, did you tell her you were only 50?”

Bob smiles and says, “No, I told her I was 90.”

January 6, 2012

Why men are happier

Filed under: Clean, Gender Bashing — Bad Jim @ 8:06 am

From Mom in Indiana:
Men Are Just Happier People
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental - $100.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color..
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look..
You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.

January 5, 2012

Variation on an old political saying . . .

Filed under: Clean, Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 2:44 am

From Injuneer Joe in Fountain Hills, Arizona:

A recession is when your friend loses his job,

a depression is when you lose your job,

a recovery is when members of Congress lose their jobs.

January 4, 2012

Do you have any change?

Filed under: Clean, In the News — Bad Jim @ 5:24 am

I hope this guy got “Brains fer Chrissmiss”

Have you got change? Man attempts to go shopping at Walmart with a million dollar bill
By Daily Mail Reporter

Have you got change for a million dollars?
A North Carolina man allegedly tried to go shopping at Walmart with a million-dollar bill.

53-year-old Michael Fuller insisted his million-dollar note was real when he was trying to buy $476 worth of items, including a vacuum cleaner, and a microwave oven, according to the Winston-Salem Journal.

Store employees called police after the Lexington, North Carolina man insisted that the bill was legitimate, and Fuller was arrested.

Fuller was charged with attempting to obtain property by false pretense and uttering a forged instrument.

He is in jail on a $17,500 bond, and it isn’t clear if he has an attorney. He is scheduled to be in court Tuesday.

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