October 30, 2011

Quote of the Week

Filed under: Actual conversations heard . . . — Bad Jim @ 7:20 am

Quote of the Week:
Major oil company “heavy lift and module weighing” expert aka “the Pro from Houston:
“Jim, it is my technical, expert opinion that this will be very difficult to fcuk up!”

October 27, 2011

Greece Offers to Repay Bailout with Giant Horse

Filed under: Clean, Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 2:11 pm

October 26, 2011
Steed Wheeled Into Brussels at Night

BRUSSELS (The Borowitz Report) – In what many are hailing as a breakthrough solution to Greece’s crippling debt crisis, Greece today offered to repay a bailout from the European Union nations by giving them a gigantic horse.

Finance ministers from sixteen EU nations awoke in Brussels this morning to find that a huge wooden horse had been wheeled into the city center overnight.

The horse, measuring several stories in height, drew mixed responses from the finance ministers, many of whom said they would have preferred a cash repayment of the EU’s bailout.

But German Chancellor Angela Merkel said she “welcomed the beautiful wooden horse,” adding, “What harm could it possibly do?”

October 23, 2011

Link of the Week - great beverage combination

Filed under: Bad Jim's Pub, Link of the Week — Bad Jim @ 1:40 am
Thank Geeseven in Austin for that!

October 22, 2011

A Male Fairy Tale

Filed under: Clean, Gender Bashing — Bad Jim @ 12:27 am

Roughrider Dale in Algeria writes:
Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, “Will you marry me?”
The Princess said, “No!!!”
And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and dated skinny long-legged full-breasted women and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and banged cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and ate spam and potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was frikin’ cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.
The End

October 19, 2011

In the News - frozen armadillo

Filed under: Clean, In the News — Bad Jim @ 11:17 pm

From Quayside Bob in Houston:
Man Allegedly Beat Woman with Frozen Armadillo
DALLAS - A man used a frozen armadillo to attack a 57-year old Pleasant Grove woman, Dallas police said.
The incident happened on Sept. 29 in an apartment complex parking lot.
According to investigators, the altercation occurred when the suspect was selling the carcass to the victim, who planned to eat the animal.
The pair apparently began arguing over the price of the item when the man twice threw the armadillo at the woman.
The animal first struck the woman in the leg and then in her chest.
She was reportedly bruised by the attack.
Detectives have been unable to find the man, who could face assault charges.

October 18, 2011

In the News - Herman Cains

Filed under: Clean, In the News, Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 11:37 pm

Herman Cain sings “Imagine there’s no pizza”
And No.1 with a bullet is a golden oldie. In 1991, when Herman Cain was working as president of Godfather’s Pizza in Omaha, Neb., the Omaha World-Herald reports that he took the stage with the Godfather’s Girls chorus line during an Omaha Press Club event. Cain walked out on stage in a business suit, the Girls exited, and Cain began what sounded like a patriotic speech: “One of the wonderful things about living in America is the freedom we have to laugh at ourselves,” said Cain. “We have so many freedoms it is easy to sometimes take them for granted. It’s helpful sometimes to try and imagine what it’s like to lose some of those freedoms …”
Then, Cain is re-joined on stage with the Godfather’s Girls, who are now dressed as a choir. He slips out of his suit coat, and into a white choral robe before singing:
Imagine there’s no pizza
I couldn’t if I tried
Eating only tacos
Or Kentucky Fried
Imagine only burgers
It’s frightening and sad
You’re lucky you have pizza
To feed your kids for you
Only frosting or cookies
And no dishes you must do
Imagine eating pizza
Each and every day

Cain has a deep, soulful baritone voice. He’ll often break into song on the campaign trail, as he did in Tennessee at a Tea Party rally recently, where he treated the crowd to a few verses of the “Impossible Dream.”

October 16, 2011

Bad Jim’s Mailbag

Filed under: Bad Jim's Mailbag, Clean — Bad Jim @ 1:33 am

Dear Bad Jim,
As the Occupy Wall Street movement has spread throughout the US and even overseas, can we get up update on Occupy Angola? I can’t seem to find any updates from the big media outlets, as clearly they are trying to ignore Angola’s 99%. I can only assume that Occupy Angola has degraded to a shirtless drum circle like Occupy Austin.
It ain’t me, It ain’t me, I ain’t no baker’s son.
GeeSeven, Austin, TX

Geeseven, sorry but I don’t keep up with the US news here in Angola. What exactly is Occupy Wal-Mart? I’m guessing it involves morbidly obese people in Chinese-manufactured, ill-fitting clothes? What do the Greeters think of this occupation?

Bad Jim

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