June 30, 2011

In the News - wart removal

Filed under: Clean, In the News — Bad Jim @ 2:32 pm

From Jim P. in The Woodlands, Texas:
British man Sean Murphy shoots off own finger with shotgun to remove wart
By Michael Sheridan DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER Thursday, June 16th 2011, 12:30 PM
A British man desperate to rid himself of a pesky wart used a rather
unorthodox method to remove it - a shotgun. The weapon blasted away
the growth, along with most of his middle finger. Sean Murphy ended up
facing charges for possessing an illegal weapon, but dodged jail time,

The Star in England reported. “I know I could have gone to jail for
up to 15 years for a firearms offense,” the 38-year-old told the
newspaper. “The best thing is that the wart has gone,” he added. “It
was giving me lot of trouble.” Murphy, who hails from Doncaster in
northern England, had lost his job as a security guard shortly before
the incident in March. The wart, which was about the size of a dime,
plagued him for at least five years,
The Star reported. “It was hurting a lot and causing my finger to
bend,” Murphy said. “I.d been to the doctors and tried all sorts of
things, but it wouldn*t go.”
Murphy’s lawyer, Richard Heigh, said his client was a “victim of his
own stupidity.”

June 19, 2011

In the News - 10 too many

Filed under: Bad Jim's Pub, In the News — Bad Jim @ 8:51 am

R.I.P.: Clarence Clemons, 1942-2011

From Injun Joe:

Arrested man says he had about 10 beers too many

Jun. 17, 2011 10:20 AM

Associated Press

HUDSON, Fla. — A man told Pasco County Sheriff’s deputies he had about 10 beers too many as he celebrated his birthday.

Fifty-eight-year-old James Taylor says he drank 48 beers on Thursday evening, prompting a stern lecture from a deputy for causing a disturbance at Hudson Beach.

Officials say Taylor, a transient, left the beach. But he came back, and officials say this time he caused such a ruckus that he scared a woman and her young grandchildren.

An arrest report states that Taylor exposed his genitals and ‘urinated in the middle of the sand.’

He also continued to shout profanities.

A deputy returned to the beach, arrested Taylor and took him to the Land O’Lakes jail. He is charged with disorderly intoxication in a public place and causing a disturbance.

June 16, 2011

Top 10 Weinergate headlines

Filed under: Bad Lists, Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 12:48 pm

Funny Anthony Weiner Headlines

1. Battle of the Bulge, Weiner Exposed (New York Post)

2. Disgusted Democrats Letting Weiner Shrivel (New York Post)

3. Yeah, I’m A Schmuck (New York Daily News)

4. The Big Wang Theory (The Daily Show)

5. Weiner’s Pickle (Daily News)

6. Cocksure Weiner Mocked Larry Craig Sex Scandal (TMZ)

7. The Lesson of Weiner’s Schnitzel: Delete, Delete, Delete (Kansas
City Star)

8. Boehner Won’t Bite on Weiner (CNSNews)

9. Congressman Wants Weiner Probe (Fox News)

10. Weiner’s ‘Junk’ Defense (The Daily Beast)

June 12, 2011

In the News - Dead Weasel

Filed under: Clean, In the News — Bad Jim @ 12:34 pm

From Geeseven in Austin, Texas:

Man with dead weasel-like creature accused of Hoquiam assault
Police say a man was carrying a dead weasel when he burst into a Hoquiam apartment and assaulted a man.
The Associated Press
HOQUIAM, Wash. Police say a man was carrying a dead weasel when he burst into a Hoquiam apartment and assaulted a man.

The victim asked, *Why are you carrying a weasel?* Police said the attacker said, “It’s not a weasel, it’s a martin,” then punched him in the nose and fled.

The attacker was apparently looking for his girlfriend and had gone to her former boyfriend’s apartment Monday night where the victim was a guest.

KXRO reports he left carcass behind.

Police later found the suspect arguing with his girlfriend at another location and arrested the 33-year-old Hoquiam man after a fight.

June 4, 2011


Filed under: Geriatrics — Bad Jim @ 1:22 pm

A man comes up to an 80-year-old hooker and asks how she tastes.

She looks at him, smile and says, …. “depends.”

Blame Injun Joe in Arizona for that!

June 2, 2011


Filed under: Clean, Ethnic/Regional Jokes — Bad Jim @ 1:46 pm

Compliments of retired Ave in Montana:

A good ole Tennessee boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing. He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says, “What you gonna do with that. There ain’t no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here.”

He says, “I won it and I’m a gonna keep it.”

His brother came over to visit several days later. He sees the wife and asks where his brother is.

She says, “He’s out there in his bass boat,” pointing to the field behind the house.

The brother heads out behind the house and sees his brother sitting in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand down in the middle of a big field. He yells out to him, “What are you doing?”

His brother replies, “I’m fishin. What does it look like I’m a doing.”

His brother yells, “It’s people like you that give people from Tennessee a bad name, makin everybody think we is stupid. If I could swim, I’d come out there and whip your ass!”