March 27, 2011

Mechanic’s exam

Filed under: Bad Medicine, Personal — Bad Jim @ 12:55 pm

A big thank you to Ed Siteman, Wackozacko, and members and friends of rock band “Jealous Creatures” for donating to my step-daughter’s American Cancer Society fund raiser.
I think she’s very close to her goal. Check it out:

Compliments of MWKMike in Houston
A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and was on the verge of being burned out.

Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to change careers and became an auto mechanic.

He found out from the local technical college what was involved, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently and learned all he could.

When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.

Fearing an error, he called the instructor saying; “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there has been an error that needs adjusting?” The instructor said; “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly which is also worth 50% of the mark.”

The instructor went on to say; “I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it through the muffler.”

March 21, 2011

Knock, knock

Filed under: Bad Religon, Clean — Bad Jim @ 1:31 pm

Bad Jim - Your kind of encounter.
Montana Ave

There was a knock on the door this morning. I opened it to find a young man standing there who said, “I’m a Jehovah’s Witness.”
I said, “Come in and sit down, what do you want to talk about?”
He said, “Beats the sh!t out of me, I’ve never gotten this far before.”

March 19, 2011

Prince William’s bachelor party

Filed under: Other Bad Jokes or Useless Crap — Bad Jim @ 2:22 pm

Terry Tak in Corpus sez: It’s gotta be weird stuffing money into a stripper’s ass-crack when every bill has a photo of your grandmother printed on it.

March 18, 2011

Re: Annual St Paddy’s Day Joke

Filed under: Ethnic/Regional Jokes, Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 10:53 pm

My annual joke: what do you get when you cross a leprechaun and prostitute?
A wee li’l focker ’bout yea tall.
Pope Barefoot Bob

March 17, 2011

It’s March 17!

Filed under: Personal — Bad Jim @ 2:23 pm

Thank Jim P. in The Woodlands, Texas for these:

Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbour’s dog is
barking like mad in the garden.
Paddy says, “To hell with this!” and storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks “What did
you do?”
Paddy replies “I’ve put the dog in our garden. Let’s see how they
like it!”

Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.
“Be Jeysus!” he said, “I didn’t even know they had mobile phones!”

Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.
Mick says “Crikey! There’s a bloke here who was 152!”
Paddy says “What’s his name?”
Mick replies “Miles, from London!”

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Filed under: Ethnic/Regional Jokes, Groaners, Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 12:38 pm

Time for Montana Ave’s Annual Telling of ‘The Joke’:

The Irish gal’s vibrator?

Peter O’Toole

And one of Bad Jim’s favorite Irish groaners:

Q: What is Irish and stays out all night?

A: Paddy O’Furniture

March 16, 2011

World’s shortest Irish joke

Filed under: Clean, Ethnic/Regional Jokes — Bad Jim @ 2:17 pm

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

Blame Injun Joe.

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