Badjim.com

January 28, 2011

A bad joke. at least it’s short!

Filed under: Other Bad Jokes or Useless Crap — Bad Jim @ 9:41 am

Bad Jim is hittin’ the road today. The jokelist will be coming to you from Lobito, Angola for the next 10 months or so. Not sure how soon he will have internet service so the jokelist may go “dark” for a few days.

Blame Wayne in Colorado for this classic oldie:

Do you know why blind people don’t skydive?

It scares the sh!t out of the dogs.

“We’re just ‘up-front’ about it.”

Filed under: In the News — Bad Jim @ 9:32 am

“On Saturdays, kids eat for free”

According to Quayside Bob in Lake Conroe: “I’m bringing my kid…he’s 30….”

http://www.foxbusiness.com/markets/2011/01/12/nice-wholesome-hooters-girl-kids/?intcmp=prn_baynote-js_A_Nice_Wholesome_Hooters_Girl_for_the_Kids#

January 27, 2011

Ronnie Corbett - Blackberry skit

Filed under: Link of the Week — Bad Jim @ 7:58 am

Thank Go-Kart Al in Vancouver for this brilliant skit..

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00ctrvp

January 26, 2011

Sweet tea

Filed under: Bad Jim's Pub, Gender Bashing — Bad Jim @ 7:23 am

Montana Ave writes:
A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue.

Doctor: “What happened?”

Woman: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me to a pulp.”

Doctor: “I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don’t swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor.”

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: “Doctor, that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came home drunk on Bud Light, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn’t touch me!”

Doctor: “You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?”

January 25, 2011

Republicans Rehearsing Grouchy Facial Expressions for State of the Union

Filed under: Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 11:11 am

Boehner Leads Weeklong Seminar
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) Preparing for what most political insiders agree is their most important performance of the year, congressional Republicans have spent the past week rehearsing their grouchiest facial expressions for Tuesday’s State of the Union Address.

For seven grueling days, GOP congressmen have been behind closed doors, refining their best winces, grimaces, and other sourpuss mannerisms under the tutelage of Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-Ohio).

“Looking like you’ve just sucked on a lemon is harder than it seems,” said Mr. Boehner. “It doesn’t come naturally for everyone like it does for Mitch McConnell.”

Mr. Boehner has been employing a “method acting” approach with his House colleagues, urging them to imagine “the most unpleasant thing they can think of – like Keith Olbermann being back on TV.”

But given the new vogue for “civility” that has swept Washington in recent weeks, Mr. Boehner is instructing House Republicans to restrain themselves from outbursts like that of Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC), who famously shouted “You lie!” during President Obama’s congressional address in 2009.

“If you feel an outburst coming on,” Mr. Boehner told his colleagues, “I ask that you instead limit yourself to a simple, tasteful jerking-off hand gesture.”

Mr. Boehner said that while he wants his Republican members to look as grumpy a possible throughout Mr. Obama’s speech, “I want them to show him the same respect we would show to any other foreign visitor to our shores.”

January 23, 2011

Fountain Lady: ‘Nobody Went to My Aid’

Filed under: Jim's Bad Law, Link of the Week — Bad Jim @ 8:40 am

This is hilarious….especially the puddy lawyer…….

compliments of Injun Joe in Arizona

http://news.yahoo.com/video/us-15749625/fountain-lady-nobody-went-to-my-aid-23909987

January 19, 2011

CALMNESS IN OUR LIVES

Filed under: Other Bad Jokes or Useless Crap — Bad Jim @ 3:44 pm

From Mrs. Bad Jim:
I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr Phil proclaimed, “The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished.”

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn’t finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates, and a half bottle of scotch.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now.
Pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace.

Next Page »