Badjim.com

December 30, 2010

Video for the Month

Filed under: Link of the Week — Bad Jim @ 2:54 pm

RIP: “Mean Gene” Kelton (April 10, 1953 – December 28, 2010)

Injuneer Joe in Fountain Hills, Arizona sez: “I love watching idiots with big machinery.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeo-xyY8nt8

December 29, 2010

A homely man (but not Rockin’ Dave)

Filed under: Bad Medicine — Bad Jim @ 2:04 pm

From Pope Barefoot Bob at the Church of St Adrian.

A very homely man made an appointment with a shrink.

The homely man walked into the doctor’s office and said, “Doctor, I’m so depressed and lonely. I don’t have any friends, no one will come near me, and everybody laughs at me.

“Can you help me accept my ugliness?”

“I’m sure I can….” the shrink said to the homely man. “Just go over and lie face down on that couch.”

December 27, 2010

Jamaican vacation

Filed under: Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 12:05 pm

Compliments of Montana Ave:
Lady goes on a Christmas vacation to Jamaica. Upon arriving, she meets a black man, and after a night of passionate love making she asks him, “What is your name?”

“I can’t tell you,” the black man says.

Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what his name is, and he always responds the same, he can’t tell her. On her last night there she asks again “Can you please tell me your name?”

“I can’t tell you my name because you will laugh at me.” says the black man.

“There is no reason for me to laugh at you,” the lady says.

“Fine, my name is Snow!” the black man replies. And the lady bursts into laughter.

The black man gets mad and says, ” I knew you would make fun of it”.

The lady replied, “I’m not making fun of your name. I’m thinking of my husband who won’t believe me when I tell him that I had 10 inches of Snow every day in Jamaica.”

December 26, 2010

Boxing Day greetings

Filed under: Ethnic/Regional Jokes, Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 11:14 am

How do you make an Irishman laugh on Boxing Day ?

Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve !

December 25, 2010

The Top 15 Reindeer Games

Filed under: Bad Lists, Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 11:16 am

15 Strip poker with Mrs.Claus

14 Attach the Mistletoe to Santa’s Ass

13 Spin the Salt Lick

12 Crapping down the chimneys of non-believers

11 Moose or Dare

10 Flying into the “No Fly Zone” over Iran just to watch Mahmoud
Ahmadinejad do a slow burn and Santa dampen his Depends

9 Bait -and -Shoot Elmo

8 The Annual Turn-Frosty -Yellow -from -50 -Paces Contest

7 Scare the Holy Crap Out of the Airline Pilot

6 Convince the Elves to Eat ‘Raisinets’

5 Pin the Tail on Santa’s Big Fat Animal -Abusing Ass

4 Hide the Venison Sausage with Vixen

3 Elf Tossing

2 Sniff the Tail on the Donkey

and the Number 1 Reindeer Game…

1 The “Rudolph the Shi!faced Reindeer ” Drinking Game

December 24, 2010

A special wish for my friends and family

Filed under: Jim's Bad Holidays, Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 2:12 pm

A Republican variation of an oldie from Rick the Controls Geek in Pasa *Get down* dena, Texas:

A special wish for my friends and family
To All My Democrat Friends:
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2011 but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

To My Republican Friends :
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

December 23, 2010

10 Things that Sound Dirty at Christmas, But Aren’t

Filed under: Bad Lists, Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 5:59 pm

Happy Festivus! The “Airing of Grievances” may now commence.

10 Things that Sound Dirty at Christmas, But Aren’t

10. Did you get any under the tree?

9. I think your balls are hanging too low.

8. Check out Rudolph’s Honker!

7. Santa’s sack is really bulging.

6. Lift up the skirt so I can get a clean breath.

5. Did you get a piece of the fruitcake?

4. I love licking the end till it’s really sharp and pointy.

3. From here you can’t tell if they’re artificial or real.

2. Can I interest you in some dark meat?

1. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.

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