October 25, 2010

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton

Filed under: Groaners — Bad Jim @ 6:56 am

From Montana Ave, Woodshed Saloon proprietor:
Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an
Angel to find out if they’ll be admitted to Heaven. Unfortunately, there’s
only one space left that day, so, the Angel must decide which of them gets
in. The Angel asks Dolly if there*s some particular reason why she should
go to Heaven.
Dolly takes off her top and says, “Look at these, they’re the most perfect breasts God ever
created, and I*m sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.”
The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen
takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, drinks it down, then, wees into a toilet and pulls the lever.
The Angel says, “OK, your Majesty, you may go in.”
Dolly is outraged and asks, “What was that all about? I show you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turn me down. She wees into a toilet and she gets in. Would you explain that to me?”
“Sorry, Dolly,” says the Angel, “but even in Heaven, a Royal Flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are.”

October 20, 2010

Headline of the Month

Filed under: In the News — Bad Jim @ 7:01 pm

“Seven inches is enough, RIM tells Jobs”

See it here:

Blame Wackozacko in Houston for that!

October 19, 2010

A little history

Filed under: Ethnic/Regional Jokes, Personal — Bad Jim @ 9:41 pm

Thanks to the following Jokelist subscribers for donating to Bad Jim’s step-daughter’s MS Walk fundraiser: Jim P in London(?); Houstonians: Skatehead Eileen and Hugh Jass; Big Al in Vancouver; Eagle Eye Steve in Pearland, Texas: Webfooter in London, Ed S., Sagging Tray George in Montana, and Traveler Dave in North Carolina,
There is still time to make a generous donation to Angie’s fundraiser by following this link:
You will thank me at tax time next spring! Grin!

A Little History …compliments of Super Babe Pat from West University Place, Texas:
In 1872 the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat’s lower intestine.
In 1917 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

Arkansas girl

Filed under: Back to School, Ethnic/Regional Jokes — Bad Jim @ 5:32 pm

Compliments of Rigger Robert in Houston:

A teacher asks an Arkansas redneck girl to use the word “handsome” in a sentence.

She replies, “When I’m suckin’ dick and my jaw gets sore I use my handsome.”

October 18, 2010

“Al-Qaeda Plot For France”

Filed under: Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 3:50 pm

Suddenly these guys don’t seem so bad . . .

October 15, 2010

Strange thot for the day

Filed under: Other Bad Jokes or Useless Crap — Bad Jim @ 8:15 am

From Whinner Glen in Texas;
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial rates and blamed it on the cost of living.

October 14, 2010

Scott Harris! Winner!

Filed under: Other Bad Jokes or Useless Crap — Bad Jim @ 10:44 pm

This month’s winner of the Bad Jim’s “Dis Guy is gettin’ brains fer Chrissmiss” Award was submitted by Mrs Bad Jim, a native Staten Islander.

Travis man fires random shot, then announces act on Facebook, cops allege
Published: Tuesday, October 12, 2010, 4:19 PM

STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. A Travis man who announced on his page that he had gotten drunk and fired a gun out his window ended up arrested on felony charges, police allege.

Scott Harris, 31, took a .38 caliber pistol belonging to his father, whom he lives with, and fired it out of his second*floor window on the 100 block of Cannon Avenue at about 4:30 a.m. Monday police allege.

The shot rattled one neighbor, sparking a call to 911, and police also learned of the Facebook post, a law enforcement source said.

Harris admitted to firing the gun, saying he had come home from doing shots of liquor at a West Shore bar, the source said.

“I thought it would be a good idea (at the time) to fire one round of a .38 in the air towards the swampland,” he said, according to court papers.

Harris was arrested later that day, and charged with second- and fourth-degree criminal possession of a weapon, as well as first-degree reckless endangerment, said William J. Smith, a spokesman for District Attorney Daniel Donovan.

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