Badjim.com

July 30, 2010

Texas bank robbery

Filed under: Clean, Gender Bashing — Bad Jim @ 9:21 am

From Terry Tak in Corpus Christi, TX (Home of Whataburger)
A hooded robber burst into a Texas bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.
On his way out the door a brave Texas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the robber’s face.
The robber shot the customer without a moment’s hesitation.
He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking
straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also.
Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.
The robber yelled, “Well, did anyone else see my face?”
There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly
afraid to speak. Then one old man tentatively raised his hand and said, “My wife got a pretty good look at you.”

July 29, 2010

Quote of the Week

Filed under: Other Bad Jokes or Useless Crap — Bad Jim @ 1:17 pm

From Uncle Sam in Houston:

“Always carry a camera with you - it makes it much easier to take pictures.” - Jay Maisel

July 24, 2010

Consumer warning for today

Filed under: Clean, Other Bad Jokes or Useless Crap — Bad Jim @ 10:05 am

Bad Jim bought a new coffee maker this week and a card with the following message was enclosed (I swear to gawd!)
Caution: Make sure to empty your coffee carafe before starting a new brew cycle. Failure to do so will lead to cold coffee and overflow of coffee from the carafe.

July 21, 2010

Paddy visits NYC

Filed under: Clean, Ethnic/Regional Jokes — Bad Jim @ 7:39 pm

From MBlack in Thompsons, Texas:

Paddy was in New York .
He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, “Okay, pedestrians. ” Then he’d allow the traffic to pass.
He’d done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, “Pedestrians! ” for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, “Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?”

July 19, 2010

HOW TO SELL TOOTHBRUSHES

Filed under: Back to School, Bad Little Jimmy — Bad Jim @ 4:11 pm

An oldie but goody from Info Bob in Houston:

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: *I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,* she said proudly, *My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.*

*Very good,* said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next: *I sold magazines,* she said, *I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.*

*Very good, Jenny,* said the teacher…

Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn.

The teacher held her breath …

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. *$2,467,* he said.

*$2,467!* cried the teacher, *What in the world were you selling?*

*Toothbrushes,* said Little Johnny.

*Toothbrushes!* echoed the teacher, *How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?*

*I found the busiest corner in town,* said Little Johnny, *I set up a Dip & Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample.*

They all said the same thing, *Hey, this tastes like dog shit!*

Then I would say,*It is dog shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?*

July 18, 2010

Investment advise

Filed under: Other Bad Jokes or Useless Crap — Bad Jim @ 8:46 am

“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” Jackie Mason

(Compliments of MBlack in Houston)

July 16, 2010

Bad Jim’s Mailbag

Filed under: Bad Jim's Mailbag — Bad Jim @ 2:32 pm

Dear People Who Use The Word ‘Hump Day’ When Referring To Wednesday,..
Please Don’t.
Sincerely,
You’re Gay.

Bad Jim,
Just heard the new Mel Gibson recording…it’s much darker and far more stalky than his previous work. Though Gibson hasn’t lost his natural flair for both the misogynistic and racially charged rants that keep his fans coming back for more, this time around he accompanies that theme with egomaniacal, murderous, rampage…
Critic Jessica
Houston

Hey Jessica
I just heard Mel Gibson has been cast as the lead role in “Hot Tub Time Machine II - In Search Of The Well Deserved Bl0w Job” Rumored co-stars are Tiger Woods, Jesse James and Lou Ferrigno…It’s going to be directed by Roman Polanski.
Bad Jim

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