Badjim.com

May 30, 2010

Earring

Filed under: Other Bad Jokes or Useless Crap — Bad Jim @ 9:45 am

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker is a conservative fellow, so naturally he’s curious about the sudden change in fashion sense. The man walks up to his co-worker and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”

“Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring,” he replies sheepishly.

“I’m curious,” asked the man, “how long have you been wearing an earring?”

“Well, ever since my wife found it in our bed and I told her it was mine.”

May 26, 2010

In the news - arrested for T-shirt

Filed under: In the News — Bad Jim @ 7:23 pm

Spotted by Geeseven in Austin, TX:

http://www.brobible.com/story/13157330/girl-wears-i-have-puy-i-make-rules-shirt-court-gets-jail-time

May 25, 2010

Happy Towel Day

Filed under: Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 9:54 pm

Compliments of Hugh Jass in Houston:

So why the towel? What’s so great about something seemingly so simple and basic? From Chapter 3 of “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”:

A towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-boggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can’t see it, it can’t see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.

More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: non-hitchhiker) discovers that a hitchhiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, washcloth, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet-weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitchhiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitchhiker might accidentally have *lost*. What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with.

If you have a towel, you are not only ultimately prepared but others around you will become aware of your ultimate preparedness and be randomly willing to assist to make sure you are even further prepared for your journey. Could you ask for anything more? This is what having a towel handy can do for you.
In honor of Douglas Adams: So long and thanks for all the fish!!

Name Change….Please note in your address book

Filed under: Bad Religon — Bad Jim @ 1:10 pm

Blame MBlack Esq in the Rice Village for this:
It was announced today that Buckwheat, of Our Gang fame has converted to the Muslim faith and has changed his name to Kareem of Wheat.

May 24, 2010

What would you do?

Filed under: Gender Bashing — Bad Jim @ 7:51 pm

From Rick the Controls Geek in Pass ‘Get Down’ Dena, Texas:
A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It’s after midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.
The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees.
Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man!
The husband puts a gun to the naked man’s head.
The wife shouts, “Don’t do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money.
HE paid for the Corvette I gave you.
HE paid for our new cabin cruiser.
HE paid for your season Red Sox tickets.
HE paid for our house at the lake.
HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!”
Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says, “What would you do?”
The cabby replies, “I’d cover his ass with that blanket before he catches cold.”

Quote for the Day

Filed under: Other Bad Jokes or Useless Crap — Bad Jim @ 7:28 am

RIP: Jose Lima,1972-2010, baseball player and crazy dude

A learning experience is one of those things that says, ‘You know that thing you just did? Don’t do that.’” - Douglas Adams

May 23, 2010

You Gotta Be Sh!ttin’ Me

Filed under: Groaners — Bad Jim @ 7:40 pm

Thank Larry ‘Pussyhair’ Peterson in Houston for this:

Have you ever wondered who first uttered the phrase “You Gotta Be Sh!ttin’ Me”?

Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of Our Country, way back when George Washington was crossing the Delaware River with his troops.

There were 33 (remember this number) in Washington’s boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about.

Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (remember this name) and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading. Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth.

Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Peters and his lantern into the Delaware . Washington and His troops searched for nearly an hour trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.

Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted . He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on.

Another hour later, one of his men said, *General, I see lights ahead.* They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house. What they didn’t know was that this was a house of Ill Repute, hidden in the forest to serve all who came.

General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him. The door swung open, and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman. A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there.

Washington was the first to speak, “Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men. We are tired , wet, exhausted , and desperately need warmth and comfort.”

Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, “Well, General, you have come to the right place. We can surely give you warmth and comfort. How many men do you have?”

Washington replied , *Well, Madam, there are 32 of us without Peters.*

And the Madam said, *You gotta be sh!ttin’ me.*

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