Badjim.com

April 29, 2010

Women with Suntans Will Be Arrested, Iran Police Chief Warns

Filed under: Bad Religon, In the News — Bad Jim @ 6:35 pm

Compliments of Coonass Kim in Cadiz, Spain these days.

Women with suntans are violating Islamic law and will be arrested in Iran, the capital city’s police chief was reported by The Daily Telegraph as saying Wednesday.”The public expects us to act firmly and swiftly if we see any social misbehavior by women, and men, who defy our Islamic values,” Brigadier Hossien Sajedinia said.
“In some areas of north Tehran we can see many suntanned women and young girls who look like walking mannequins,” he continued. “We are not going to tolerate this situation and will first warn those found in this manner and then arrest and imprison them.”
The warning follows recent comments made by a hard-line Iranian cleric, who claimed women dressed in revealing clothing were disturbing young men and causing earthquakes.
A preacher has also told the residents of Iran’s capital Tehran to leave the city.
“Go on the streets and repent for your sins. A holy torment is upon us. Leave town,” said Ayatollah Aziz Khoshvaqt during a recent sermon in northern Tehran.

April 28, 2010

Douchebag defense

Filed under: Jim's Bad Law, Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 9:18 am

Fabrice Tourre to be Exhibit A
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - In the event of a criminal case against the banking giant, Goldman Sachs is planning to employ a rarely-used legal strategy known as the ‘douchebag defense,’ sources confirmed today.
Davis Logsdon, Dean of the University of Minnesota School of Law, summarized the unorthodox strategy: “Basically, they will be arguing that the Goldman executives had no control over their actions because they are ginormous dicks.”
‘Exhibit A’ if the bank decides to go forward with the douchebag defense will be Goldman banker Fabrice ‘Fabulous Fab’ Tourre.
“I think the government would have a hard time arguing that he was not an egregious douche,” Logsdon said.
In order to establish Tourre’s douchebag bona fides, Goldman’s lawyers would most likely offer up his emails, his Facebook profile, and several of his ex-girlfriends.
Jury selection could also be key to the success of Goldman’s douchebag defense strategy, Logsdon said.
“Goldman’s dream jury would be made up of twelve angry dickwads,” Logsdon said. “In New York, that shouldn’t be hard to find.”

April 27, 2010

Nancy Reagan letter of forgiveness

Filed under: Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 6:11 pm

Thank Injun Joe in Arizona for updating this oldie
You might recall that John Hinckley was a seriously deranged young man who shot President Reagan in the early 1980’s.
Hinckley was absolutely obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster, extremely jealous, and in his twisted mind, loved Jodie Foster to the point that to make himself well known to her, he attempted to assassinate President Reagan. There is speculation Hinckley may soon be released as having been rehabilitated. Consequently, you may appreciate the following letter from Nancy Reagan to John Hinckley:

To: John Hinckley
From: Mrs.. Nancy Reagan
My family and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery.. In our fine country’s spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know there is a nonpartisan consensus of compassion and forgiveness throughout.

The Reagan family and I want you to know that no grudge is borne against you for shooting President Reagan. We, above all, are aware of how the mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. We are confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive young man.
Best wishes,
Nancy Reagan and Family
PS: While you have been incarcerated, Barack Obama has been banging Jodie Foster like a screen door in a tornado. You might want to look into that.

April 24, 2010

Alaskan dark humor!

Filed under: Gender Bashing, Groaners — Bad Jim @ 1:46 am

Bad Jim on the Road is coming to you from Anchorage, Alaska today so this joke from Info Bob in Houston seemed appropriate:
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
“We’re sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife,” said one trooper
“Tell me! Did you find her?” Wilkens shouted.
The troopers looked at each other.
One said, “We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?”
Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”
The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay .”
“Oh my God!” exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”
The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, what’s the great news?”
The trooper said, “We’re going to pull her up again tomorrow.”

April 16, 2010

When you know your marriage is in trouble . . .

Filed under: Gender Bashing, Personal — Bad Jim @ 1:42 pm

MS 150 fundrasing update:
The ride is this weekend. Zack surpassed his $2000 goal.
Cora and Frank in Reno and Professor P. at Rice University, thank you for your generous donations.
There is still time to contribute at: http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Bike/TXHBikeEvents?px=3919313&pg=personal&fr_id=12962

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife’s voice from the kitchen.
“What would you like for dinner, my Love? Chicken, beef, or lamb?”
I said, “Thank you, I*ll have chicken..”
She replied “You’re having soup, a55hole. I was talking to the cat!”

April 15, 2010

The black panties

Filed under: Gender Bashing — Bad Jim @ 3:08 pm

Oldy from Hot Tamale Beth in Houston:
The Black Panties
Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Anna said she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone.
Her daughter immediately replied, “Mum! I have someone for you to meet…”
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend away. Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties; he was in his birthday suit.
Looking her over, he asked, “Why the black panties?”
She replied: “My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning.”
He knew he was not getting lucky that night. The following night was the same- she stood there wearing the black panties, and he was in his birthday suit - but now he was wearing a black condom.
She looked at him and asked: “What’s with the black condom?”
He replied, “I want to offer my deepest condolences…”

April 14, 2010

What a woman wants in a man

Filed under: Clean, Gender Bashing — Bad Jim @ 3:08 pm

What I Want In A Man!
Original List:
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn’t drive off until I’m in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I’m talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8.. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn’t belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn’t borrow money too often
4. Doesn’t nod off to sleep when I’m venting
5. Doesn’t re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off the couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn’t scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn’t require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he’s laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8.. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it’s the weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
1. Breathing.
2. Doesn’t miss the toilet.

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