December 31, 2009

Some alternative resolutions for 2010

Filed under: Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 7:07 pm

Some alternative resolutions for 2010 to consider:
1. I will let go of my feelings of guilt and get in touch with my inner sociopath.

2. I will assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.

3. I will use my intuition to make up for my lack of wisdom and judgment.

4. I will not suffer in silence, I will moan, whimper, and complain.

5. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.

6. I will honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.

7. I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than “I told you so!”

8. I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear. Instead, I will move my computer and TV into the bedroom.

9. If someone hurts me, I will remember that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as rewarding

10. Before I criticize a man, I will walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he’s a mile away and barefoot.

December 30, 2009

Serious traffic violation?

Filed under: Clean, In the News — Bad Jim @ 7:09 pm

This guy obviously didn’t get “brains fer Chrissmiss”. Now he’ll have to wait a full year!

Tree surfer slams into car, injures head
Dec. 29, 2009 11:37 AM
Associated Press

SAN CLEMENTE, Calif. Authorities say a man in Southern California riding a Christmas tree being dragged behind an SUV slammed into a parked car and was hospitalized with head injuries. Orange County sheriff’s spokesman Jim Amormino says the 18-year-old and another teenager were Christmas tree surfing, a seasonal Internet fad.

Capt. Greg McKeown says the car was going about 25 mph Sunday night when the female driver took a corner and the tree veered wide and crashed.

Amormino says the driver fled. Two SUV passengers and the other tree surfer told deputies they didn’t know the girl.

Authorities did not release any names. The injured man was hospitalized with moderate head injuries. Amormino says he is expected to survive.

He warned against tree surfing, calling it a serious traffic violation.

December 29, 2009

So what?

Filed under: Back to School, Clean, In the News — Bad Jim @ 7:41 pm

Injuneer Joe wishes he was there!
Teacher who took students to Hooters is put on leave
by Eugene Scott Dec. 17, 2009 12:00 AM
The Arizona Republic
A Paradise Valley High School music teacher whose students performed at one of President’s Barack Obama inauguration events has been put on administrative leave after taking 40 students to eat at a Hooters in downtown Phoenix.

Mary Segall, a choir director at the northeast Phoenix school, accompanied choral students at a performance at Arizona Center last week. While there, the students ate lunch at the Hooters restaurant, said Judi Willis, spokeswoman for the district.

Segall told her principal that the restaurant, known for its busty waitresses in tight shirts and orange shorts, was the only place that could accommodate a group of that size. She could not be reached for comment.

“We believe that there are many venues for lunch for a large group of people in the downtown Phoenix area,” Willis said. “There could have been a choice that might have been more appropriate, given that it was a school-day event with a school employee in charge.”

Mike McNeill, vice president of marketing for Hooters USA, said he was unfamiliar with the incident and could not comment.

According to Hooters’ Web site, each restaurant aims to provide diners with “a unique, entertaining dining experience . . . delivered by attractive, vivacious Hooters Girls.”

Although parents knew students would be performing at Arizona Center, it is unclear whether they knew that their children would eat lunch at the restaurant.

“I know that it was a complete surprise to the principal,” Willis said.

Several adults who aren’t employees of the district accompanied Segall and the students on the trip. Willis said she does not know whether the adults challenged Segall’s decision.

Segall, who has taught in the district for more than 23 years, was planning to retire at the end of January before the incident. She took the school choir and strings group to Washington, D.C., in January to perform at the “History in the Making: A Dream and a Change Inaugural Ball.”

December 28, 2009

Another Christmas joke

Filed under: Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 10:31 am

The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger. One of the wise men was exceptionally tall and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. “Jesus Christ!” he exclaimed.

Joseph said, “Write that down, Mary; it’s better than Clyde!”

December 26, 2009

Happy & sad

Filed under: Gender Bashing — Bad Jim @ 2:02 pm

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and mixed emotions, like be happy and sad at the same time. The husband turned to his wife and said, “Honey, that’s a bunch of crap; I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”

“You have the biggest dick of all your friends!”

Only Boxing Day joke I lnow

Filed under: Clean, Ethnic/Regional Jokes, Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 4:15 am

Q: How do you get an Aggie to laugh on Boxing Day?

A: Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve!

December 24, 2009

If you see . . .

Filed under: Bad Jim's Pub, Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 1:39 pm

Christmas gift from Elephant Ass in Tianjin, China:

If you see a fat man who’s jolly and cute,

Wearing a beard and a red flannel suit,

And if he is chuckling and laughing away,

While flying around in a miniature sleigh,

With eight tiny reindeer to pull him along,

Then let’s face it. . . . you’re pissed!

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