Badjim.com

October 31, 2009

10 Things That Sound Dirty On Halloween, But Aren’t…

Filed under: Bad Lists, Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 12:36 pm

1. So…What’d you get in the sack?

2. Once you get under the sheet, start moaning and groaning!!!

3. Just hop on that broomstick and ride it!

4. Those small suckers are gone in a few licks!

5. I got the best piece from that house.

6. Quit screwing around on the porch!!!

7. Stick your hand in and guess what you’re feeling….

8. It was so filled and heavy, I had to use TWO hands!!

9. They’ll suck you dry if they get their teeth in you.

10. I bobbed and bobbed, but couldn’t get my mouth around it!

October 28, 2009

Job Interview in Texas:

Filed under: Clean, Ethnic/Regional Jokes — Bad Jim @ 7:11 am

From MBlack in Houston:
A man seeking to join an East Texas Sheriff’s Department is being interviewed.

The Deputy doing the interview says:

“Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted.”

Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, he says: “Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six meth dealers, six terrorists, and a rabbit. ”

“Why the rabbit?”

“Great attitude,” says the Sergeant. “When can you start?”

October 26, 2009

Guess who is . . .

Filed under: Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 5:09 pm

Hi Family & Friends,
I thought that you would like to hear this from me 1st and not from someone else.
I know what you are probably thinking. This is confidential but most of you will know about it soon enough, so…
Anyway guess who is due in 2 months??
:
:
:
:
:
:

Santa Claus

October 24, 2009

Man admits driving drunk in custom La-Z-Boy

Filed under: Bad Jim's Pub, In the News, Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 4:46 am

Oct. 23, 2009 12:00 AM
(Minneapolis) Star Tribune
MINNEAPOLIS - The operator of a La-Z-Boy chair converted into a motorized vehicle - complete with a stereo and cup holders - has admitted that he crashed the piece of furniture after leaving a bar in Proctor, Minn., extremely drunk.

Dennis LeRoy Anderson, 61, of Proctor, pleaded guilty Monday to hopping onto the chair on the night of Aug. 31, 2008, after visiting the Keyboard Lounge, then crashing into a more traditional vehicle in the parking lot. Anderson’s blood-alcohol content was 0.29 percent, more than three times the legal limit for driving in Minnesota.

Deputy Police Chief Troy Foucault said Thursday that the chair is “quite decked out.” Along with the stereo and cup holders, it is powered by a converted gasoline-powered lawnmower, a steering wheel, headlights and a power antenna.

Foucault estimated the La-Z-Boy can top out at 15 to 20 mph. A National Hot Rod Association sticker adorns the headrest.

The chair was impounded and will be sold at the next police auction.

“We have quite a few people calling about buying it,” said Foucault, who half-seriously acknowledged that he’s tempted to bid on it, except that “I have kids who would take it out and drive it on the street.”

Anderson admitted to police that he had been drinking at home, was leaving the bar and had drunk eight or nine beers that day before getting on the La-Z-Boy and crashing it into a Dodge Intrepid parked outside, Foucault said. Anderson was treated for minor injuries at the scene and given a field-sobriety test, even though he pleaded several times with the officer to “give him a break,” according to the police report.

“He failed everything,” Foucault said, leading to Anderson’s arrest and seizure of the chair. The officer on the scene checked Anderson’s driver’s license and determined that it had been revoked because of a previous drunken-driving conviction, according to police.

October 22, 2009

Not a joke

Filed under: Personal — Bad Jim @ 7:06 am

Read the note below from my step-daughter Angie then go to
http://walktxh.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR?px=1845788&pg=personal&fr_id=11721

and please make a donation. Hey, if everyone on the jokelist only donated $10 she would raise $1,500, And if all you overpaid, ex-pat construction and oilfield trash donated over US$100 . . . you do the math! Grin.

Why I Fight MS

Having multiple sclerosis means that you may not be able to walk when you wake up. Or that you may suddenly have impaired vision. Or that your memory will fail you for no apparent reason. The symptoms of MS are different, and devastating, for everyone - the only certainty is that it will affect yet another person every hour of every day. One person, very dear to me, that MS has affected is my dad, Jerry Avera. I participate in the MS walk annually, in hope that one day this terrible disease will have a cure. The money raised will go to research and awareness and will help in furthering the movement to an MS free world.

Why I Walk

I;ve registered for the MS Walk because I want to do something for the people who have been diagnosed - and because I want to do everything to prevent more people from learning what it means to live with this disease. Today, there is no cure for multiple sclerosis, and with a diagnosis occurring most frequently between the ages of 20 and 50, many individuals face a lifetime filled with unpredictability.

Why You Should Sponsor Me

The National Multiple Sclerosis Society will use funds collected from the MS Walk to not only support research for a cure tomorrow, but also to provide programs which address the needs of people living with MS today. Because we choose to walk for those who sometimes can’t, because we choose to donate to the MS Walk, we are getting closer to the hour when no one will have to hear the words, “You have MS.”

http://walktxh.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR?px=1845788&pg=personal&fr_id=11721

October 21, 2009

Congratulations!

Filed under: Other Bad Jokes or Useless Crap — Bad Jim @ 5:46 am

Compliments of MBlack in Houston:

Why is it when your wife becomes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy and say “Congratulations”……

But none of them rub your dick and say “Well Done!!!”

In the News

Filed under: Clean, In the News — Bad Jim @ 5:25 am

Illegal alien costume pulled from stores
Oct. 20, 2009 09:18 AM

TUCSON - Customer complaints are prompting some Tucson stores to pull an illegal alien Halloween costume.

There are two costumes that are causing controversy. The one pulled by Target, Amazon, Toys R Us, and Walgreens features an orange prison-style jumpsuit with the words “illegal alien” stamped across the chest, and a space alien mask.

A second mask sold by Spirit Halloween stores has big green eyes, a mustache and a worker’s hat.

Because of complaints, Spirit decided to pull the costume off store shelves Monday morning.

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