August 31, 2009

The lighter side of health care

Filed under: Bad Medicine, Clean, Groaners — Bad Jim @ 11:24 am

For bird flu you need tweetment and for swine flu you need oinkment.

Blame Info Bob in Houston for that one!

August 30, 2009

Family sues genie for creating havoc

Filed under: Clean, In the News — Bad Jim @ 10:18 pm

Injun Joe in Arizona spotted this one:

Family sues genie for creating havoc
by Jeffrey Fleishman
Los Angeles Times
CAIRO - A family in Saudi Arabia has filed suit in a religious court against an unnamed genie, or jinn, who sounds most unpleasant: It steals cell phones, whispers threats and occasionally flings stones.

“We began to hear strange sounds,” a family member who requested anonymity told the Saudi daily Al Watan. “At first we did not take it seriously, but then stranger things started to happen, and the children got particularly scared when the genie started throwing stones.”

The genie - or genies - had demands: “A woman spoke to me first, and then a man. They said we should get out of the house,” said the family member, adding that his clan fled their home near the city of Medina.

Sheikh Amr Al Salmi, head of the local Sharia court, said he will investigate the family’s claims that it has been harassed for two years: “We have to look into this case and verify its truthfulness despite the difficulty of its consideration,” he told the Saudi daily. “What is interesting is that the complaint has come from every member of the family, and not just one.”

August 28, 2009

We’ll miss ya Teddy

Filed under: Clean, Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 8:44 pm

Any complaints should be addressed to Hugh Jas, Esq. in Houston!

* What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Teddy Kennedy? About 2 months of decay!

* Ted Kennedy has been sober for 12 hours now.

* I wonder if Ted Kennedy’s funeral will be open bar?

* How did people find out Ted was dead? He didn’t show up to the bar this morning.

* With news of Ted’s death, the Massachusetts liquor industry is now going to need a bailout.

August 27, 2009

In the News

Filed under: In the News — Bad Jim @ 3:10 am

Bad Jim — Maybe you should add this guy to your joke list as an “Honorary Member”?

Naked passenger gets in fight during flight
Aug. 20, 2009 02:25 PM
Associated Press
OAKLAND, Calif. Authorities say a St. Louis-bound Southwest Airlines flight was forced to return to Oakland International Airport after a male passenger stripped, hit another passenger and fought with crew members.

Alameda County sheriff’s deputies say flight 947 returned Thursday morning after 21-year-old Darius Chappille of Oakland allegedly exposed himself to the female passenger sitting next to him and punched her in the face.

Lt. Howard Jacobs says flight attendants and other passengers then subdued Chappille, as he disrobed. He was apparently completely naked when sheriff’s deputies arrested him.
Chappille and the woman were taken to the hospital for minor injuries.

August 26, 2009

Kitchen Wisdom

Filed under: Clean, Other Bad Jokes or Useless Crap — Bad Jim @ 12:50 am

From Mom in Highland, Indiana:

Martha Stewart vs Real Women

Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete’s sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway!

To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix.. Keeps in the pantry for up to a year.

When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won’t be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

Go to the bakery! Hell, they’ll even decorate it for you!

If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it’s still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant ‘fix-me-up.’

If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that’s too bad. Please recite with me the real woman’s motto: ‘I made it, you will eat it and I don’t care how bad it tastes!’

Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

Celery? Never heard of it!

Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I don’t.

Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All your pains go away!

If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish washing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

Don’t throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Leftover wine???????????HELLO!!!!!!!

August 25, 2009


Filed under: Clean, Groaners — Bad Jim @ 12:03 am

Despite several dire warnings from Bad Jim’s readers, the dumb Q and A jokes continue

Q: What should you do when you see a spaceman?

A: Park in it dude!

August 24, 2009

Flat screen oven door

Filed under: Clean, In the News — Bad Jim @ 1:25 am

Spotted by Geeseven in Austin, TX:

37-inch flat screen TV for $100 is really an oven door
By Jason Sweeney
Oakland Tribune

SAN LEANDRO — A brand-new 37-inch Sony flat screen television for $100? Great deal until you take it out of the box and realize you just bought an oven door.

San Leandro police Lt. Pete Ballew called it a variation on the old ‘rocks in a box’ scam, in which a box is presented as containing new, expensive electronics for sale but is actually full of rocks.

On Wednesday San Leandro police pulled over a man who had in his car a box containing what appeared to be an expensive 37-inch flat-screen television, but in actuality was a glass oven door cleverly disguised as a TV. The man is suspected of trying to sell the item for $100 in the parking lot of the San Lorenzo Wal-Mart, 15555 Hesperian Blvd.

“It was very ingenious,” Ballew said. “If you were a bargain hunter, you might think, ‘Wow, this is the deal of the day.’”

Police got an anonymous call Wednesday from someone who raised suspicions about a man who tried to sell him a television out of his beige 1980 Oldsmobile Cutlass in the Wal-Mart parking lot. The witness said the seller told him he had bought the TV for $60 at a flea market.

Later, Sgt. Luis Torres stopped the Cutlass after spotting it driving through San Leandro. The driver, Anthony Myles, 52, of Richmond, was arrested for driving on a suspended license. No charges were filed against Myles’ passenger, a 53-year-old man.

The television in question was in the back of the car wrapped in packaging material. It had installation instructions on the back, a Best Buy price sticker for $1,949 and accompanying electric cables. Police confiscated the item, but no charges were filed in relation to its attempted sale.

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