Badjim.com

July 30, 2009

Relax Republicans

Filed under: Ethnic/Regional Jokes, Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 7:07 pm

Everyone just relax!

When was the last time you heard of a black guy keeping a job for 4 years?

(This non-PC post is courtesy of Coonass Kim in Ingleside, TX)

July 29, 2009

In the News in China

Filed under: Clean, In the News — Bad Jim @ 11:57 pm

We haven’t done any In the news items from China in quite a while. Here are a few items Bad Jim found in Tuesday’s “China Daily”.
Wanted man runs naked to flee cops on trail
Police caught a wanted suspect running naked on the street in Nanjing, Jiangsu province, on Sunday.
On July 9, Ying severely injured a thief who tried to steal his bicycle and fled.
On Sunday morning Ying’s girlfriend went to visit him in a hotel room. She had no idea the cops had followed her there.
When the police knocked on Ying’s room door, he jumped out of the window naked and ran for almost a kilometer before he was caught.
Yangtze Evening News

Waitress swallows cockroach to prove a point
A waitress at a restaurant in Ningbo, Zhejiang province swallowed a cockroach crawling in one of the guests’ bowl of noodles.
Zhang Xue, in her 20s, only wanted to prove that the insect was harmless after the guests created a ruckus.

Mailbag

Filed under: Bad Jim's Mailbag — Bad Jim @ 8:24 pm

Dear Bad Jim,
What do you think about Michael Vick returning to the NFL?
Lollypop
Sugar Land, TX

Dear Lolly,
I have grave concerns as I think he had something to do with the recent death of Gidget, the Taco Bell Chihuahua.
Bad Jim

Bad Joke Feedback:

Re: Eyeglasses

I have a similar fetish with beer cans…..
Coonass Kim
Texas

Re: Jim’s ad

sorry….the only firm grasp I have is on my dck.
Injuneer Joe
Fountain Hills, AZ

Well your requirements seem to exclude me… I think I only comply with grasping absurdity and having some slight sense of humor….. does that mean you will be dropping me from the mail list?
MWK Mike
Papua New Guinea

I am perfect per ur request.
Terry *Welders do it with hotter rods* Takahashi
Corpus Christi, TX

Damn, almost there…
Pope Barefoot Bob
Houston

Guess that leaves me out!
Rockin Dave

Bad, you has a bad ad!
San Leon Freon
Lake Cherokee, Texas

Re: Loud thunder
Walter Cronkite reported on Elvis beating Michael but….that is just the way it is.
Linda Pat the Mad Hungarian Nutritionist
Pearland, TX

Re: Grasshopper walks into a bar
With those big-ass eyes you’d think he woulda seen it…
Ow.
Pope Barefoot Bob

Re: Mole family
Ya know Bad Jim, people have been shot for less than this…
Road Warrior Larry
Breckinridge, Colorado

Re: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I always thought the answer was two.
One to chrome the duck and the other to fill the bathtub with Jell-O.
Darin
Austin, TX

July 28, 2009

Half-wit

Filed under: Clean, Other Bad Jokes or Useless Crap — Bad Jim @ 7:53 pm

From MBlack, Esq of Southside Place, Texas.
A man owned a small ranch in Montana. The Montana Work Force Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

“I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,” demanded the agent.

“Well,” replied the farmer, “there’s my farm hand who’s been with me for 3 years.. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.

“The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board.

“Then there’s the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.”

“That’s the guy I want to talk to … the half-wit,” says the agent.

“That would be me,” replied the Rancher.

Who’s Chinese

Filed under: Clean, Ethnic/Regional Jokes — Bad Jim @ 2:09 am

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It is either my Mom or my Dad.
Or my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Wang Qi Jun .
But I think it’s Colin.

July 27, 2009

Man with fetish charged with stealing eyeglasses

Filed under: Clean, In the News — Bad Jim @ 10:18 pm

MILWAUKEE — An Illinois man was accused of stealing more than $45,000 worth of eyeglasses from suburban Milwaukee stores because he enjoys being around eyewear. Jerry Lowery, 38, was charged with three counts of armed robbery and one count of fleeing an officer. The charges carry a maximum penalty of more than 120 years in prison and a $310,000 fine.

Prosecutors said Lowery walked into three shops between April and July and said he had a gun. They say he took more than 500 pairs of high-end glasses including Prada and Gucci brands, but didn’t take cash.

The criminal complaint quotes Lowery as saying he “really likes to be around glasses.” He told investigators he tries them on in front of a mirror and then discards them.

Speeding ticket

Filed under: Clean, Geriatrics — Bad Jim @ 1:38 am

Blame Whiner Glen (a.k.a. Big Football Contest Operator in Michigan) for this!

Did you hear about the 81-year-old woman who talked herself out of a speeding ticket by telling the young officer that she had to get there before she forgot where she was going?

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