Badjim.com

May 31, 2009

Florida woman calls 911 three times over McNuggets

Filed under: Clean, In the News — Bad Jim @ 9:37 pm

Posted by Injun Joe in Fountain Hills AZ:

Associated Press
FORT PIERCE, Fla. Authorities say a Florida woman called 911 three times after McDonald’s employees told her they were out of Chicken McNuggets.

According to a police report, 27-year-old Fort Pierce resident Latreasa L. Goodman told authorities she paid for a 10-piece last week but was later informed the restaurant had run out.

She says employees refused to give her a refund, saying all sales were final. A cashier told police she offered Goodman a larger portion of different food for the same price, but Goodman became irate.

Police say Goodman was cited on a misuse of 911 charge. A current phone listing for Goodman could’t be found.

A McDonald’s spokeswoman said the company didn’t immediately have a comment on the incident.

May 30, 2009

Texas Poll

Filed under: Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 8:30 am

According to Coonass Kim in Ingleside, Texas:

The latest telephone poll taken by the Texas Governor’s office asked whether people who live in Texas think illegal immigration is a serious problem:

29 % of respondents answered: “Yes, it is a serious problem.”
71% of respondents answered: “No es una problema seriosa.”

May 27, 2009

Bank robbery

Filed under: Clean, Ethnic/Regional Jokes — Bad Jim @ 8:14 pm

Thank Coonass Kim in Ingleside, TX for this jewel.
An armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Gueydan, Louisiana and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot, one brave Cajun customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber’s face. The robber shoots the guy without hesitation! He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.
One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him also. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.
“Did anyone else see my face?” calls the robber.
There are a few moments of silence . . . then Boudreaux looking down tentatively raises his hand and says: “I think my wife Marie peeked.”

May 26, 2009

Poem

Filed under: Other Bad Jokes or Useless Crap — Bad Jim @ 11:58 pm

Thank Roughrider Dale in Dallas for this one:
Oh, I Wish I*d Looked After Me T!ts
By Pam Ayres
Oh, I wish I*d looked after me dear old knockers,
Not flashed them to boys behind the school lockers,
Or let them get fondled by randy old dockers,
Oh, I wish I*d looked after me T!ts.
Cos now I*m much older and gravity*s winning.
It*s Nature*s revenge for all that sinning,
And those dirty memories are rapidly dimming,
Oh, I wish I*d looked after me T!ts.
Cos T!ts can be such troublesome things
When they no longer bounce, but dangle and swing.
And although they go well with my Bingo wings,
I wish I*d looked after me T!ts..
When they*re both long enough to tie up in a bow,
When it*s not the sweet chariot that swings low,
When they*re less of a friend and more of a foe,
Then I wish I*d looked after me T!ts.
When I was young I got whistles and hoots,
From the men on the site to the men in the suits,
Now me nipples get stuck in the zips on me boots,
Oh, I wish I*d looked after me T!ts.
When I was younger I rode bikes and scooters,
Cruising around with my favourite suitors.
Now the wheels get entangled with my dangling hooters,
I wish I*d looked after me T!ts..
When they follow behind and get trapped in the door,
When they*re less in the air and more near the floor,
When people see less of them rather than more,
Oh, I wish I*d looked after me T!ts.

May 25, 2009

Chicken

Filed under: Bad Religon — Bad Jim @ 2:01 am

Oldie but goody from Sandy Sparky Steve who is somewhere in the Middle East (Saudi I think!)
A Priest kept chickens at his village parish. One evening the cock went missing.
At mass the priest asked, “Who has a cock?”
All the men got up.
“No! I meant who has seen a cock?”
All the women got up.
“No, No! Who has seen a cock that isn’t theirs?”
Half the women got up.
“Oh!!! For goodness sake! Who has seen my cock?”
All the nuns got up!!

May 24, 2009

Bar room wisdom

Filed under: Clean, Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 11:15 pm

From Diane at The Big Easy in Houston:

We Americans get so tired of being thought of as dumb by the rest of the world that we go to the polls each November and remove all doubt.

May 23, 2009

Mailbag

Filed under: Bad Jim's Mailbag, Clean — Bad Jim @ 4:44 pm

Dear Bad Jim
You know I am not into psychic cosmic sh!t anymore but check this out…
For about the last two years, every week I go to a nice Thai restaurant in my neighborhood. I always sit in the same seat and order from the same 25 page menu. I always pick three things, an appetizer, Thai salad and a hot dish with steamed rice on the side

I just realized today that after I add in the tip to the bill, the total comes to $25.25 every time I go there. I found the old restaurant receipts back in my room and they are all exactly the same… $25.25

Man…I freakin’…what’s this all about??
Rockin Dave
New York City

Dear Dave,
“In the year 2525, If man is still alive, If woman can survive, They may find . . . (Thai food?)”
Apologies to Zager and Evans.
Bad Jim

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