Here’s a few Halloween jokes recycled from years past:
This one from Fruit Fun Al in Hawaii and Whiner Glen in Michigan:
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the
VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: ‘I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.’
She answers, My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.’
‘Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.’
She responds, ‘Well, let’s see what we can do about that: #1, you have
to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.’
The cab driver is very excited and says, ‘Yes, I’m single and Catholic!’
‘OK’ the nun says. ‘Pull into the next alley.’
The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
‘My dear child,’ says the nun, ‘why are you crying?’
‘Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess, I’m married and
I’m Jewish.’
The nun says, ‘That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party.’
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Bad Jim thinks Queen Eddaline posted this one several years ago but he’s too lazy to look it up:
A black man and his wife were going to a Halloween party in a couple of days so the husband tells his wife to go to the store and get costumes for them to wear.
When he comes home that night he goes into the bedroom and there laid out on the bed is a Superman costume. The husband yells at his wife, “What are you doing? Have you ever heard of a black Superman? Take this back and get me something else I can wear.”
The next day the wife, not too happy, returns the costume and gets a replacement. The husband comes home from work goes to the bedroom and there, laid out on the bed, is a Batman costume. He again yells at his poor wife, “What are you doing? Have you ever heard of a black Batman? Take this back and get me something I can wear to the costume party!”
The next morning his irate wife goes shopping. When the husband comes home again from work, there laid out on the bed are three items: one is a set of three white buttons, the second is a thick white belt, and the third item is a 2×4 The husband yells at the wife, “What the hell are these for?”
The wife yells back, “Take your clothes off. You can put the three white buttons on the front of you and go as a domino. If you don’t like that idea, you can put the white belt on and go as an Oreo. And if you don’t like THAT idea, you can shove the 2 x 4 up your ass and go as a fudgesicle!”
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An old Cajun joke. Coonass Kim sent us a couple years ago:
This happened last Halloween just outside of Cocodrie, a little town in the bayou country of Louisiana and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it’s real.
This out of state traveler was on the side of the road, hitchhiking on a real dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm. Time passed slowly, and no cars went by.
It was raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his face. Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approaching and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It moved slowly and silently crept toward him and stopped.
Wanting a ride real bad, the jumped in the car and closed the door; only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel, and no sound of an engine to be heard over the rain. Again the car crept slowly forward, and the guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running.
The guy saw that the car was approaching a sharp curve, and still too scared to jump out, he started to pray and begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road into the bayou, and he would surely drown!
But just before the curve a shadowy figure appeared at the window and a hand reached in and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Then, just as silently the hand disappeared through the window and the hitchhiker was alone again!
Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally the guy, scared near to death, had all that he could take and jumped out of the car, and ran to town.
Wet and in shock, he went into a bar, and with voice quavering, ordered 2 shots of whiskey and told everyone about his supernatural experience.
A silence enveloped and everybody got goose bumps as they realized the guy was telling the truth (and not just some drunk).
About half an hour later, two guys walked in to the bar, and one says to the other, “Look Boudreaux, ders dat idiot dat rode in our car when we wuz pushin in dah rain.”