July 31, 2008

Lady Pharmacist

Filed under: Bad Medicine — Bad Jim @ 5:25 pm

Greeting from Tanggu, China. Yeah, Bad Jim is back to the salt mines.
Welcome Queen Eddaline back to Jim’s Bad Joke List.
Bad Jim, Well, I know it’s an old-timer, but it has these autobiographical elements to it. Montana Ave
In a small Montana town a cowboy walked into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store, there were no males employed there.
She then asked if she could help the gentleman.
The cowpoke said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist. The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The young bronc-buster agreed and began by saying, “This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it.”
The pharmacist said, “Just a minute, I’ll go talk to my sister.”
When she returned, she said, “We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company pickup truck, and $3,000 a month living expenses.”

July 28, 2008

Life after death

Filed under: Bad Jim's Golf Course — Bad Jim @ 7:54 pm

Oldie from Coonass Kim:
A couple made a deal that whomever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word he made contact, ‘Connie….Connie…..’

‘Is that you, Joe?’

‘Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.’
‘That’s wonderful! What’s it like?’

‘Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it’s off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun, and then have sex a couple of more times.

Then I have lunch (you’d be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon.

After supper, it’s back to golf course again. Then it’s more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again.’

‘Oh, Joe you surely must be in Heaven!’

‘Not exactly…I’m a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona’

July 25, 2008

How to come home drunk

Filed under: Bad Jim's Pub — Bad Jim @ 4:34 pm

This oldie is compliments of Trojan Sandy in Indiana:

Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, ‘You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage.
Take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up, and yells at me for staying out so late.
His friend looks at him and says ‘Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the ass and say, ‘WHO’S HORNY????!!!’ and she acts like she’s sound asleep!
‘Works Every Time!!!’

July 23, 2008

Stosh gets sloshed

Filed under: Bad Jim's Pub, Clean, In the News — Bad Jim @ 3:56 pm

Compliments of Rockin Dave in NYC:
Driver Charged With .491 Blood Alcohol Level

Highest In State’s History For Someone Who Wasn’t Dead

PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) ¯ State Police arrested a man early Tuesday whose blood alcohol level allegedly was .491 — more than six times the legal limit — which they believe is the highest ever recorded in Rhode Island for someone who wasn’t dead.
Stanley Kobierowski, 34, of North Providence, was arrested after he drove into a highway message board on Interstate 95 in Providence, Maj. Steven O’Donnell said.
After police arrived, Kobierowski had trouble getting out of the car, then grabbed it and refused to move, forcing troopers to carry him to the breakdown lane before taking him back to their barracks, O’Donnell said.
A Breathalyzer test showed Kobierowski had blood alcohol readings of .489 followed by .491, Kobierowski said, the highest readings anyone at the State Police or the Department of Health could remember for someone who didn’t end up dead.
The legal limit in Rhode Island is .08. A blood alcohol of .3 is classified as “stupor,” .4 is “comatose” and .5 is considered fatal, according to the health department.
“Our only assumption could be that the person has a serious alcohol problem,” O’Donnell said. “The person’s lucky they survived. There’s no doubt he would have gotten killed or killed someone if he had continued on the route he was taking.”
Kobierowski was taken to Rhode Island Hospital where he was put in the detoxification unit and sedated, O’Donnell said. He was scheduled to be arraigned later Tuesday on charges of drunken driving and resisting arrest.

July 22, 2008

2 cannibals

Filed under: Clean, Gender Bashing — Bad Jim @ 12:52 pm

Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.
Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, ‘OOh dad, there’s one.’
‘No,’ said the father. ‘There’s not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We’ll just wait.’
Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, ‘Hey dad, he’s plenty big enough.’
‘No,’ the father said. ‘We’d all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We’ll just wait.’
About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman. The son said, ‘Now there’s nothing wrong with that one dad. Let’s eat her.’
‘No,’ said the father. ‘We’ll not eat her either.’
‘Why not?’ asked the son.
‘Because, we’re going to take her back alive and eat your mother.’

July 21, 2008

Lots of Love

Filed under: Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 5:52 am

Don’t tell anyone.
I’m going down on you.
And you’re gonna love it.
But it’s only going to be long enough to let you start enjoying it.
Then I’m gonna come back up again and screw you big time.
Lots of love,
Gasoline prices xx

July 20, 2008


Filed under: Other Bad Jokes or Useless Crap — Bad Jim @ 4:40 am

Jim is walking home when he sees a tramp begging for change. Feeling a bit sorry for the man, he gives him some change and begins to walk off.
“Thank you,” says the homeless man. “It used to be so good for me, but look at me now.”
“What do you mean?” asked Jim.
The tramp replied, “I was a multi-millionaire, I had bank accounts all across the world with millions in. I had investments, bonds, stocks, shares and all sorts.”
“What happened, where did it go wrong?”
The tramp replied, “Forgot my fcuking mother’s maiden name.”
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This email is strictly for entertainment purposes only. If you receive this email and it contains this disclaimer or my name, it’s because the person that sent it to you is so incompetent that they don’t even know how to edit an email or use the bcc feature. Bad Jim

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