Badjim.com

March 30, 2007

Husband and Wife

Filed under: Gender Bashing — Bad Jim @ 2:17 am

From Toots in Colorado:
Husband and wife in bed together…..

She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder.

Wife: “Oh Sweetheart, that feels good.”

His hand moves to her breast.

Wife: “Gee, honey, that feels wonderful too.”

His hand moves to her leg.

Wife: “Oh, honey, please don’t stop.”

But he stops.

Wife: “Why did you stop???”

Hubby: “Uh, I found the remote.”

March 28, 2007

March 6, 1836

Filed under: Clean, Ethnic/Regional Jokes — Bad Jim @ 9:15 pm

This oldie is from a soul we haven’t heard from in a long time, Bill “Please remove your panties before getting into my Porshe” Mahoney, in Houston.
A bit of “little known” Texas construction history . . . March 6, 1836

On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and walked from his bunk on the floor of the Alamo up to the observation post on the west wall. William B. Travis and Jim Bowie were up there already. The three gazed at the hordes of Mexicans moving steadily towards them.

Davy turned to Bowie with a puzzled look on his face and said, “Jim, are we pouring concrete today?”
[Note from Bad Jim: And they all arrived in the same pick-up truck!]

Man says $ex toy caused his erratic driving

Filed under: In the News — Bad Jim @ 1:11 am

Injun Joe sez:
Canadian Press
Mar. 16, 2007 10:28 AM
VANCOUVER - A man says it wasn’t the 10 beers and a double cocktail that caused his car to weave before being pulled over by police.

Kristopher Lind says his attention wasn’t fully on his driving because his wife had a Sex toy bought that day at a $ex show in Vancouver.

At his impaired driving trial in B.C., Lind testified he and his wife were driving in Vancouver when they decided to check out the sex toy.

The package proved difficult for his wife to unwrap, so she handed it to him while he was driving.

He said he opened the package with one hand, using his knee to help steer the car, and did the same again to insert batteries.

Once the device was working, he said, his wife took it

He was arrested after he failed a roadside breathalyser test. Lind denied he was driving while drunk.

The judge will render his verdict March 28.

March 27, 2007

New Drugs for Women

Filed under: Bad Medicine, Gender Bashing — Bad Jim @ 1:19 am

Trojan Sandy in Valparaiso, Indiana writes:
DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full
hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out.

ST. MOMMA’S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of attention from man-wh0res, and other male dregs of society.

FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, “You make me want to be a better person.”

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can’t remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.

and my personal favorite:

FUKITOL

March 26, 2007

Vid Link of the Day - Sexy Beijing

Filed under: Website of the Week — Bad Jim @ 1:13 am

You have to have lived in China to totally get the humor here — if not — I think you’ll still get a a laugh out of this:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=cvtWAXoZjTc

March 25, 2007

The Pasta Diet and Your Health

Filed under: Bad Medicine, Clean — Bad Jim @ 10:03 pm

ITALIAN PASTA DIET — IT REALLY WORKS !!

1.. You walka pasta da bakery.

2.. You walka pasta da candy store.

3.. You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.

4… You walka pasta da table and fridge.

You will losa weight!

March 24, 2007

Re: Do over – Britney Spears

Filed under: Bad Jim's Mailbag — Bad Jim @ 9:46 pm

Dear Bad Jim,
All very good points. However, if the sheeple would quit worrying about this $hit, quit watching ‘E’, quit buying ‘People’, and quit being fantasized by the ‘News’, etc., etc., the little slut (and others - insert favorite self-centered celebrity here) would fade off into the sunset, or the swamps of Louisiana, or wherever the fnck she
came from! It’s sort of like the $7 beer at the ball park; you keep buying, they keep selling.
‘Call Me Boring, And Lovin’ It’ Rick
Pasadena, Texas

Jim,
I fell asleep about 2 paragraphs into the letter but this person (and many others) knows much too much about the lives of people he(they) will most likely never meet. Why spend even a moment contemplating
what any of them do? Time to turn off the TV and read a good book.
Linda Pat the Mad Hungarian Nutritionist
Pearland, TX

Dear Boring Rick and Mad Linda,
At the risk of sounding preachy:
I think you missed the point here. I believe the point of Jass’ rant is that (at least in his mind) many people think going to rehab is a ‘get out of jail free’ card. That it washes away any responsibility for one’s previous actions. Multiple visits to rehab even magnify this absurdity.

I thought it was well written and funny, albeit waaaay too long for the attention spans of Bad Jim’s readers! I thought about editing it but naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, that would be too much work.
Concerning Britney Spears: I’ve recently come to the conclusion that I may be the only man on earth that has not seen photos of her vagina!
You’re welcome,
Bad Jim
PS: Note to Linda: ”Time to turn off the TV and read a good book” Geeesh! When did you turn into your Mom?

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