July 31, 2006

Gibson’s Anti-Semitic Tirade — Alleged Cover Up

Filed under: In the News — Bad Jim @ 10:47 am

This month’s winner of Bad Jim’s Darryl Strawberry Memorial Role Model
JC himself – Mel Gibson!
Posted Jul 28th 2006 9:15PM by TMZ Staff
TMZ has learned that Mel Gibson went on a rampage when he was arrested Friday on suspicion of drunk driving, hurling religious epithets. TMZ has also learned that the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s department had the initial report doctored to keep the real story under wraps.

TMZ has four pages of the original report prepared by the arresting
officer in the case, L.A. County Sheriff’s Deputy James Mee.
According to the report, Gibson became agitated after he was stopped
on Pacific Coast Highway and told he was to be detained for drunk
driving Friday morning in Malibu. The actor began swearing
uncontrollably. Gibson repeatedly said, “My life is f****d.” Law
enforcement sources say the deputy, worried that Gibson might become
violent, told the actor that he was supposed to cuff him but would not, as long as Gibson cooperated. As the two stood next to the hood of the patrol car, the deputy asked Gibson to get inside. Deputy Mee then walked over to the passenger door and opened it. The report says Gibson then said, “I’m not going to get in your car,” and bolted to his car. The deputy quickly subdued Gibson, cuffed him and put him inside the patrol car.

TMZ has learned that Deputy Mee audiotaped the entire exchange
between himself and Gibson, from the time of the traffic stop to the
time Gibson was put in the patrol car, and that the tape fully
corroborates the written report.

Once inside the car, a source directly connected with the case says
Gibson began banging himself against the seat. The report says Gibson
told the deputy, “You mother f****r. I’m going to f*** you.” The
report also says “Gibson almost continually [sic] threatened me
saying he ‘owns Malibu’ and will spend all of his money to ‘get even’
with me.”

The report says Gibson then launched into a barrage of anti-Semitic
statements: “F*****g Jews… The Jews are responsible for all the
wars in the world.” Gibson then asked the deputy, “Are you a Jew?”

The deputy became alarmed as Gibson’s tirade escalated, and called
ahead for a sergeant to meet them when they arrived at the station.
When they arrived, a sergeant began videotaping Gibson, who noticed
the camera and then said, “What the f*** do you think you’re doing?”

A law enforcement source says Gibson then noticed another female
sergeant and yelled, “What do you think you’re looking at, sugar tits?”

We’re told Gibson took two blood alcohol tests, which were videotaped, and continued saying how “f****d” he was and how he was going to “f***” Deputy Mee.

Gibson was put in a cell with handcuffs on. He said he needed to urinate, and after a few minutes tried manipulating his hands to unzip his pants. Sources say Deputy Mee thought Gibson was going to urinate on the floor of the booking cell and asked someone to take Gibson to the bathroom.

After leaving the bathroom, Gibson then demanded to make a phone
call. He was taken to a pay phone and, when he didn’t get a dial
tone, we’re told Gibson threw the receiver against the phone. Deputy
Mee then warned Gibson that if he damaged the phone he could be
charged with felony vandalism. We’re told Gibson was then asked, and
refused, to sign the necessary paperwork and was thrown in a detox

Deputy Mee then wrote an eight-page report detailing Gibson’s rampage and comments. Sources say the sergeant on duty felt it was
too “inflammatory.” A lieutenant and captain then got involved and
calls were made to Sheriff’s headquarters. Sources say Mee was told
Gibson’s comments would incite a lot of “Jewish hatred,” that the
situation in Israel was “way too inflammatory.” It was mentioned
several times that Gibson, who wrote, directed, and produced 2004’s
“The Passion of the Christ,” had incited “anti-Jewish sentiment” and
“For a drunk driving arrest, is this really worth all that?”

We’re told Deputy Mee was then ordered to write another report, leaving out the incendiary comments and conduct. Sources say Deputy Mee was told the sanitized report would eventually end up in the media and that he could write a supplemental report that contained the redacted information — a report that would be locked in the watch commander’s safe.

Initially, a Sheriff’s official told TMZ the arrest occurred “without incident.” On Friday night, Sheriff’s spokesman Steve Whitmore told TMZ: “The L.A. County Sheriff’s Department investigation into the arrest of Mr. Gibson on suspicion of driving under the influence will be complete and will contain every factual piece of evidence. Nothing will be sanitized. There was absolutely no favoritism shown to this suspect or any other. When this file is presented to the Los Angeles County District Attorney, it will contain everything. Nothing will be left out.”

A woman’s perspective

Filed under: Gender Bashing — Bad Jim @ 8:22 am

Trojan Sandy in Valparaiso, Indiana writes:
(because they are plugged into a genius)

(they don’t have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? (they don’t stop to ask directions)

(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

(so they won’t hump women’s legs at cocktails parties)

(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

(don’t know… never happened)

(because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn)

July 30, 2006

It’s like a heat wave

Filed under: Bad Jim's Mailbag, Ethnic/Regional Jokes — Bad Jim @ 8:23 am

Bad Jim — The wimps in Cally-fornya have no clue about “hot.” I just spoke
with a client who spends about half time in Houston and half time in CA. He
marvels at the reaction of CA folks when it rises above 85 degrees.
On the other hand, I think Scott Adams might be on to something here:
Hugh Jass

Heat Wave
Recently we had a heat wave in California. My air conditioner broke because,
I assume, it is not designed to operate in hot weather. That was the bad
news. The good news is that I solved the problems in the Middle East. Allow me to explain.

During the several days that it was 112 degrees and I had no AC, all I wanted
to do was build an IED and kill the AC guy who kept driving right past my
office and helping other people. In fact, I wanted to kill everyone who didn’t
agree with me on just about any point whatsoever.

And I realized that the problem with the Middle East is insufficient AC. If
you think about it, virtually all of the organized violence in the world is
originating from places where they have poor air conditioning. And in the
desert, 112 degrees is considered a pleasant day. Imagine how grumpy you would be at 125 degrees. And guess what I never see on TV when they show footage of the Middle East?


Every frickin’ person they interview in the Middle East is standing directly
in the sun. Some shade would be a good step toward world peace.

When it’s 125 degrees outside, given the choice of sitting inside a one-room
hovel with seventeen unwashed relatives versus launching rockets at Israel,
the terrorist option starts looking mighty appealing. Because you know what
else I never see on TV when they show footage of the Middle East?


And I understand that. Most hobbies involve one of these things:

1. Glue (it would melt)
2. Spending money (they don’t have any)
3. Being outside (it’s 125 degrees)

At room temperature, you could never convince me to strap explosives to my
body and walk into a crowded hotel lobby. But at 125 degrees, I’d welcome the change of pace.

Just out of curiosity, I would love to see a graph showing a comparison of
temperature and terror/civil unrest. I’ll bet it’s a strong correlation.

The Swiss think they are all superior because they stay out of wars. I think
they’re just lucky that they’re freezing their chocolate covered nuts.

July 28, 2006

Bumper sticker sightings

Filed under: Other Bad Jokes or Useless Crap — Bad Jim @ 2:22 pm

From Queen Annie the Houston Thespian:
Jesus loves you..but everyone else thinks you are an a55hole

Impotence…Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings.”

The proctologist called… they found your head

Everyone has a photographic memory
…some just don’t have any film.

Save your breath..You’ll need it to blow up your date.

Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted

I used to have a handle on life…but it broke off.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

Guys…just because you have one, doesn’t mean you have to be one

Some people just don’t know how to drive…
I call these people “Everybody But Me.”

Heart Attacks…God’s revenge for eating His animal friends

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Try not to let your mind wander..It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.

Hang up and drive!!

The top 10 unintentionally worst company URLs

Filed under: Link of the Week, Other Bad Jokes or Useless Crap — Bad Jim @ 8:32 am

Compliments of Jim P. in Houston:
Attn: Entrepreneurs
Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today’s world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn’t give their domain names enough consideration:

1. A site called ‘Who Represents’ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at

5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company…

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South
Wales (that’s in Australia):

7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is

9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at

July 27, 2006

Dead Donkey

Filed under: Bad Religon, Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 3:39 pm

. . . but first Bad Jim’s quote for the Day
Cowboys safety Keith Davis feels blessed that he’s able to joke about being shot, he told The Dallas Morning News.
“My head has been leaking, but that’s OK,” he told the newspaper the day after he was shot from his hospital bed at Baylor University Medical Center in Dallas. “I’ve got a big head, and my braids still look good.”

A Preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead donkey in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the Preacher to the health department.

The health department said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department.

The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor.

Now the Preacher knew the mayor and was not to eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the Preacher called him anyway.

The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant & rave at the pastor and finally said, “Why did you call me any way? Isn’t it your job to bury the dead?”

The preacher paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to direct his response. He was led to say, “Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first!”

July 26, 2006

The Laws of Golf

Filed under: Bad Jim's Golf Course — Bad Jim @ 11:01 am

From Harry in Sugar Land, Texas:
Lest we ever forget!!
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, you should have inner peace knowing that a shittier one is yet to come. (This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.)

LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. (Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. Expensive clubs have been known to be partly made with this most unusual natural alloy.)

LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down. (Not always true. I actually bounced a ball off a building and back to the fairway the other day. Guess that means the building should be blown up).

LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant “You looked up,” or invoke the wrath of the universe.

LAW 6: The higher a golfer’s handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.(Funny how this law also applies to men who have no sex and advise on picking up women.)

LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.

LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.

LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.

LAW 10: Sand is alive. It will swallow your ball.

LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.

LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and a Shyster
Lawyer– or some similar combination.

LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed. (Your Mother in Law does not come close.)

LAW 14: Golf balls from the same “sleeve” tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law 3).

LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

LAW 16: “Nice lag” can usually be translated to “lousy putt.” Similarly, “tough break” can usually be translated “way to miss an easy one, a55hole.”

LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.

LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.

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