September 30, 2005

Parking with Pedro

Filed under: Bad Religon, Clean — Bad Jim @ 1:22 am

Pedro was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place.

Looking up toward heaven, he said “Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila.”

Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Pedro looked up again and said “Never mind. I found one.”


Filed under: Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 12:12 am

From Coonass Kim in Lafayette, Louisiana:
A guy in a bar stood up and shouted, “Democrats are assh0les!”

A guy at the other end of the bar shouted back, “I resent that!”

“Are you a Democrat?”

“No, I’m an assh0le.”

September 27, 2005

President Bush Sells Louisiana Back to the French

Filed under: Clean, Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 8:54 pm

Sent to us by Bill ‘Let’s stop by the 7-11 on our way home from work for a couple 40s of malt liquor’ Mahoney in Houston:
BATON ROUGE, LA. - The White House announced today that President Bush has successfully sold the state of Louisiana back to the French at more than double its original price of $11,250,000.

“This is a bold step forward for America,” said Bush. “And America will be stronger and better as a result. I stand here today in unity with French Prime Minister Jack Sharak, who was so kind to accept my offer of Louisiana in exchange for 25 million dollars cash.”

The state, ravaged by Hurricane Katrina, will cost hundreds of billions of dollars to rebuild.

“Jack understands full well that this one’s a ‘fixer upper,’” said Bush. “He and the French people are quite prepared to pump out all that water, and make Louisiana a decent place to live again. And they’ve got a lot of work to do. But Jack’s assured me, if it’s not right, they’re going to fix it.”

The move has been met with incredulity from the beleaguered residents of Louisiana.

“Shuba-pie!” said New Orleans resident Willis Babineaux. “Frafer-perly yum kom drabby sham!”

However, President Bush’s decision has been widely lauded by Republicans.

“This is an unexpected but brilliant move by the President,” said Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. “Instead of spending billions and billions, and billions of dollars rebuilding the state of Louisiana, we’ve just made 25 million dollars in pure profit.”

“This is a really smart move,” commented Fox News analyst Brit Hume. “Not only have we stopped the flooding in our own budget, we’ve made money on the deal. Plus, when the French are done fixing it up, we can easily invade and take it back again.”

The money gained from ‘The Louisiana Refund’ is expected to be immediately pumped into the rebuilding of Iraq.

September 26, 2005

His/her Diary

Filed under: Gender Bashing — Bad Jim @ 6:54 pm

From Hugh Jass in Houston:
R.I.P., Agent 86.
Say ‘hi’ to Gilligan, and keep your shoe phone charged!
Donald James Yarmy (Adams); April 13, 1926 - September 25, 2005.
Sorry about that chief . . .

Bad Jim understands that this actually happened to Coonass Kim before he got married.
Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go some where quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior; I don’t know why he didn’t say ‘I love you too’.

When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent.

Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed, and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else.

He fell asleep — I cried.

I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with
someone else. My life is a disaster.


Today LSU lost … but at least I had sex.

September 25, 2005

That’s not funny!

Filed under: Groaners — Bad Jim @ 10:59 am

From Harry in London:
The 60’s band ‘The Animals’ have issued a public apology . . .

apparently there isn’t a house in New Orleans !!

September 23, 2005

2 Brazillinas

Filed under: Bad Blondes — Bad Jim @ 7:43 pm

As Hurricane Rita approaches Port Arthur, Texas a famous quote from rock singer Janis Joplin comes to mind (not that Bad Jim necessarily agrees with her observation):
“Port Arthur is the a55hole of the earth, and Beaumont….it’s 20 more miles up it.”
From Whiner Glen’s college football pool ranting:
Two blondes were reading their daily newspapers and one of them sees a headline that says:
She thinks for a minute, and then whispers to her friend, “Psssst… many is a brazilian?”

Once upon a time . . .

Filed under: Gender Bashing — Bad Jim @ 1:02 am

Compliments of Big Beijing Al:
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl “Will you marry me?”
The girl said,”NO!”
And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and farted whenever he wanted.

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