Badjim.com

June 4, 2016

Actual dialog . . .

Filed under: Actual conversations heard . . ., Clean — Bad Jim @ 1:59 pm

Actual dialog heard at Bad Jim’s Grill and Pool Lounge:
Jim, call my phone. I can’t find it.
Ring ring ring.
OK, thanks!
Please call again, I know it’s in my bag but I can’t find it!

May 21, 2015

Parrot

Filed under: Actual conversations heard . . . — Bad Jim @ 10:08 am

From Injun Joe in AZ:

I’ve caught a stray parrot in my garden.
All he says is, “Good morning you ugly prick.”
The parrot isn’t yours is it?

October 23, 2012

Actual conversation

Filed under: Actual conversations heard . . ., Back to School — Bad Jim @ 7:45 pm

An actual nerdy engineer dialogue heard at a fabrication yard in Angola during the weighing of an FPSO module.

Arrogant French Method Engineer: So, what do we do now? Add up all four of the load cell readings?
Bad Jim: Yeah.
Method Engineer: So it weighs 4022 tonnes?
Bad Jim: (with ‘you gotta be shittin me’ expression) No, the gauge units are kilonewtons
Method Engineer: So how do we convert that to tonnes?
Bad Jim: Divide by 9.81
Method Engineer: How did you know that?
Bad Jim: They teach shit like that at Arizona State. It’s called Physics 101.

July 31, 2012

An actual dialogue heard on the streets of Baytown, Texas

Filed under: Actual conversations heard . . ., Clean — Bad Jim @ 7:52 am

“Hey Bad Jim, if I tell you a rooster dips snuff, you might as well check under his wing for a can of Copenhagen.”

October 30, 2011

Quote of the Week

Filed under: Actual conversations heard . . . — Bad Jim @ 7:20 am

Quote of the Week:
Major oil company “heavy lift and module weighing” expert aka “the Pro from Houston:
“Jim, it is my technical, expert opinion that this will be very difficult to fcuk up!”

March 2, 2010

An actual dialog . . .

Filed under: Actual conversations heard . . ., Politics as usual — Bad Jim @ 7:07 pm

Now that Bad Jim is semi-retired (translation: unemployed) he often spends his mornings in the Whataburger near his house drinking coffee, reading want ads and doing crossword puzzles. The best part of the morning is eavesdropping on the white tips (translation: white shoes and white hair) who meet there every morning for coffee and breakfast. Sound bites actually heard the last few weeks:

Ralph (looking up from his “Houston Chronicle”): Oh no. Ole Charlie Wilson died!
Thelma: Who the hell is that? Some guy you worked with at Lubrizol?
Ralph: Ya know? They made a movie about him. He was that congress guy that started the war in Afghanistan.

Bingo: That Sara Palin, she ran all them Liberals out of office in Alaska. Fired’um all.
Thelma: Like who? Name one Democrat that was ever elected in Alaska. They’re all rednecks like us.
Bingo: It’s true. My niece gotta email about it.
Ralph: I think they call’um bluenecks, Them Alaska Yankees. Ha. Uuh-ah uh-ah ha.

Ralph: If I had a business on the beach in Hawaii, and it was wiped out by that there su-lami wave, I’d sue the sh!t outta those Chill-leee ba5tards.
Bingo: Me too!

Thelma: I liked this Whataburger much better when ya could smoke here! God damn liberals.
Bingo: Sara Plain will change all that when she gets elected.

Thelma: What time does Gene’s Bar open?
Ralph: Can’t smoke there any more either sweetie. ‘Smoke-free’ everywhere in Pasadena these days.
Thelma: Smoke-free? You can bet your boots that some god damn, Yankee fag came up with that.

Ferron: Did you know the goalie on the Canada ice hockey squad was a Mexican?
Thelma: Who told you that? Mexicans can’t ice skate.
Ferron: It’s true. My wife gotta email about it from her brother. They’re gonna take their medals away.
Bingo: It’s about time.

September 9, 2009

Actual joke heard in Tanggu

Filed under: Actual conversations heard . . ., Clean — Bad Jim @ 3:00 am

Today is 9/9/09. It’s apparently a very good day to be married in China. According to local superstition, the number 9 represents longevity.

Actual joke told to Bad Jim in Jacky’s Pub last night:

Zhu: Meester Jeeem. I have good joke story.
Bad Jim: OK – let’s hear it.
Zhu: If you breathed on girl, and her eyes covered with mist, then she is cool one!
Zhu: ha HA ha-ha-ha Very funny Meester Jeeem?
Bad Jim: Wow, that’s a real knee slapper Zhu.
Zhu: huh?
Bad Jim: Let me but you a Tsingtao.

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