March 22, 2016

William Shatner

Filed under: Clean, Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 3:54 pm

Happy “Talk like William Shatner” Day

Thank Steve “I get more ass than a toilet seat” Moore

February 10, 2016

Ash Wedensday

Filed under: Bad Religon, Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 11:32 pm

I unwittingly had my forehead anointed with blessed ashes for Ash Wednesday. Must have fallen asleep on my bong again Fat Tuesday night.

May 5, 2015

It’s May 5!

Filed under: Groaners, Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 10:39 am

Most people don’t know that back in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

March 17, 2015

Irish Miracle

Filed under: Clean, Ethnic/Regional Jokes, Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 7:54 am

Happy St Patrick’s Day!

Happy Birthday Uncle Randy!


Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor and it lands butter-side-up.

He looks down in astonishment, for he knows that it’s a law of nature of the universe that buttered toast always falls butter-down, so he rushes round to the presbytery to fetch Father Flanagan.

He tells the priest that a miracle has occurred in his kitchen, but he won’t say what it is, so he asks Fr. Flanagan to come and see it with his own eyes.

He leads Fr. Flanagan into the kitchen and asks him what he sees on the floor.

“Well,” says the priest, “it’s pretty obvious. Someone has dropped some buttered toast on the floor and then, for some reason, they flipped it over so that the butter was on top.”

“No, Father, I dropped it and it landed like that!” exclaimed Murphy

“Oh my Lord,” says Fr. Flanagan, “dropped toast never falls with the butter side up. It’s a miracle. wait, it’s not for me to say it’s a miracle. I’ll have to report this matter to the Bishop and he*ll have to deal with it. He’ll send some people round; to interview you, take photos, etc.”

A thorough investigation is conducted, not only by the archdiocese but by scientists sent over from the Curia in Rome. No expense is spared.

There is great excitement in the town as everyone knows that a miracle will bring in much need tourism revenue.

Then, after 8 long weeks and with great fanfare, the Bishop announces the final ruling.

“It is certain that some kind of an extraordinary event took place in Murphy’s kitchen, quite outside the natural laws of the universe. Yet the Holy See must be very cautious before ruling a miracle. All other explanations must be ruled out. Unfortunately, in this case, it has been declared ‘No Miracle’ because they think that Murphy may have buttered the toast on the wrong side”

January 27, 2015

Guess what day it is?

Filed under: Clean, Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 11:55 am

Happy Thomas Crapper Day!

and Hugh Gass didnt’t have to remind me this year!

December 17, 2014

Xmas Q & A

Filed under: Groaners, Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 6:17 am

Groan . . .

Q: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.

Q: Why doesn’t Santa have any kids?
A: He only comes once a year

Q: What’s the difference between snowmen and snowladies?
A: Snowballs.

Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?
A: North Polish.

Q: What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A: A rebel without a Claus.

Q: How does a Jew celebrate Christmas?
A: He installs a parking meter on the roof.

December 7, 2014

(Almost) Annual Pearl Habor Day jokes

Filed under: Clean, Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 2:48 am

Blame Montana Ave:

Hear about the fella who was half Black and half Japanese?
Every December 7 he attacked Pearl Bailey.

Hear about the Japanese midget?
Every December 7 he attacked Minnie Pearl.

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