Badjim.com

December 14, 2014

Knock knock cops

Filed under: Clean, Jim's Bad Law, Knock Knock Jokes — Bad Jim @ 11:02 am

Compliments of the Rosenberg, TX Police Department:
Police: Knock, knock
Me: Who is it?
Police: The Police
Me: What do you want?
Police: We just want to talk.
Me: How many of you are there?
Police: 2
Me: Then talk to each other

December 12, 2014

Dirty Christmas Pick-up lines

Filed under: Bad Lists, Jim's Bad Law — Bad Jim @ 10:55 am

Time to break out some old Christmas jokes.

Today Bad Jim is officially in single digits - 9 more wake-ups in The Republic of Georgia! I’m heading home Dec 21 - so all you Pagans should be happy!

Christmas Pick-up lines

Are you Christmas, because I want to Merry you.

Is your name Jingle Bells, cause you look like you go all the way

Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa exactly what I want
for Christmas.

If your left leg was thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas,
can I come visit you between the holidays?

Shouldn’t you be on top of the tree, Angel?

You know I would love to show you the toys my elves make for adults.

How about I slip down your chimney, at half past midnight?

Wanna meet Santa’s little helper?

What do you say we make this a Not-so-Silent Night?

Believe me if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows!

Screw the nice list, I’ve got you on my - nice and naughty list!

That’s not a candy cane in my pocket. I’m just glad to see you!

My best toys run on batteries

Hey Cutie ever do it in a sleigh?

He may have a nice car but I have a fast sleigh

I know its not Christmas, but Santa’s lap is always ready.

Santa’s lap isn’t the only place wishes come true.

Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?

Interested in seeing the ‘North Pole’? (Well, that’s what the Mrs.
calls it)

If you jingle my bells, I’ll promise you a white Christmas

December 3, 2014

Banana Man

Filed under: Clean, In the News, Jim's Bad Law — Bad Jim @ 8:13 am

From Injun Joe in AZ.
Bad Jim’s “Dis guy is Gettin’ Brains fer Chrissmiss” Award nominee.

Man arrested; deputies say he aimed banana at them
GRAND JUNCTION, Colo.(AP) - A man is facing a felony menacing charge after two western Colorado sheriff’s deputies say he pointed a banana at them and they thought it was a gun.

The Grand Junction Daily Sentinel reports 27-year-old Nathan Rolf Channing, of Fruitvale, was arrested Sunday.

According to an arrest affidavit, Mesa County deputies Joshua Bunch and Donald Love said they feared for their lives even though they saw that the object was yellow. Bunch wrote in the affidavit that he has seen handguns in many shapes and colors.

He wrote that Love was drawing his service weapon when Channing yelled, “It’s a banana!”

The deputies say Channing told them he was doing a trial run for a planned YouTube video and he thought it would “lighten the holiday spirit.”

January 3, 2014

In the News - Fights off 15 policemen

Filed under: In the News, Jim's Bad Law — Bad Jim @ 8:42 am

Andrew Frey, Man ‘High On Meth, Fights Off 15 Police Officers While Ma5turbating’
A man who was allegedly high on meth reportedly fought off more than a dozen police officers while publicly ma5turbating.
Andrew Frey, 37, apparently made a series of outbursts and then began ma5turbating in an Oregon restaurant, The Oregonian reports.
Incredibly, police were reportedly unable to subdue Frey with a Taser.
It took 15 officers to finally take him into custody and stop him pleasuring himself.
Frey later Reportedly told authorities that he tool methamphetamine and couldn’t remember the obscene incident, according to the Marion County Sheriff’s office.
Frey was treated at a local hospital and then booked into county jail on charges of public indecency, theft of services, and resisting arrest.

October 5, 2011

Advertising

Filed under: Bad Religon, Jim's Bad Law — Bad Jim @ 1:07 pm

Info Bob in Houston writes:
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said:

‘Two Prostitutes - $50.00′

A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they’d either have to remove the sign or go to jail.

Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying:

‘JESUS SAVES.’

One of the girls asked the officer, “How come you don’t stop them?!”

“Well, that’s a little different,” the officer smiled, “Their sign pertains to religion.”

The following day the same police officer noticed the same two hookers driving around with a large sign on their car.

He figured he had an easy arrest until he read their new sign:

Two Fallen Angels
Seeking Peter — $50

July 18, 2011

Yellow light - an oldie

Filed under: Bad Religon, Clean, Jim's Bad Law — Bad Jim @ 11:54 pm

The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing,
stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red
light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in
frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection,
dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and
looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer
ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.

He took her to the police station where she was searched,
fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened
the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the
arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, “I’m very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up
behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy
in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him.

“I noticed the ‘What Would Jesus Do’ bumper sticker , the ‘Choose
Life’ license plate holder, the ‘Follow Me to Sunday-School’ bumper
sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so
naturally I assumed you had stolen the car.”

January 23, 2011

Fountain Lady: ‘Nobody Went to My Aid’

Filed under: Jim's Bad Law, Link of the Week — Bad Jim @ 8:40 am

This is hilarious….especially the puddy lawyer…….

compliments of Injun Joe in Arizona

http://news.yahoo.com/video/us-15749625/fountain-lady-nobody-went-to-my-aid-23909987

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