December 28, 2013

Little Jimmie’s First Day of School

Filed under: Back to School, Bad Little Jimmy — Bad Jim @ 4:24 pm

On Little Jimmie’s first day at school his Mom is very worried. When she picks him up at end of the day, she anxiously asks him how his day went.

“Well, I was top of the class in Math, I made a touchdown in football, and I had sex with the teacher.”

“What! How dare you! Get into your room and wait till your father gets home!”

When his father comes home, Jimmie’s mom tells his father, “I’m absolutely disgusted with Little Jimmie. He said he was top of the class in Math, made a touchdown in football, and had sex with the teacher!”

“That’s my boy,” thinks his Dad.

So he goes upstairs to talk to Jimmie. “Don’t worry about your Mom. She’s a bit upset, but it sounds to me like you had an awesome day at school. In fact, I’m so pleased, you know that bicycle I said I was going to buy you for Christmas, I think I’ll get it for you this weekend!”

“Oh no, Dad, don’t. I don’t think I’ll be able to sit down for a while.”

October 23, 2012

Actual conversation

Filed under: Actual conversations heard . . ., Back to School — Bad Jim @ 7:45 pm

An actual nerdy engineer dialogue heard at a fabrication yard in Angola during the weighing of an FPSO module.

Arrogant French Method Engineer: So, what do we do now? Add up all four of the load cell readings?
Bad Jim: Yeah.
Method Engineer: So it weighs 4022 tonnes?
Bad Jim: (with ‘you gotta be shittin me’ expression) No, the gauge units are kilonewtons
Method Engineer: So how do we convert that to tonnes?
Bad Jim: Divide by 9.81
Method Engineer: How did you know that?
Bad Jim: They teach shit like that at Arizona State. It’s called Physics 101.

June 12, 2012

The smartest people in The State of Texas

Filed under: Back to School, In the News — Bad Jim @ 2:20 pm

Thank Info Bob in Houston for this juicy bit.

A great typo on a graduation program.

November 4, 2010

New Bra Design

Filed under: Back to School — Bad Jim @ 5:37 am

A classic from Joe “Where are the fcuking drawings?” G. in Whiting. Indiana:
Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps a woman’s breasts from jiggling, bouncing up and down, and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.

At a news conference, after announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Rickson outside and beat the living sh!t out of him.

October 19, 2010

Arkansas girl

Filed under: Back to School, Ethnic/Regional Jokes — Bad Jim @ 5:32 pm

Compliments of Rigger Robert in Houston:

A teacher asks an Arkansas redneck girl to use the word “handsome” in a sentence.

She replies, “When I’m suckin’ dick and my jaw gets sore I use my handsome.”

September 8, 2010

Student who shocked himself suing school teacher

Filed under: Back to School, In the News, Personal — Bad Jim @ 8:21 am

Found by Hugh Jass, Esq of Houston:
Definitely a “Dis guy is gettin brains fer Chrissmiss” Award contender!
By Joey Cresta
Fosters Daily Democrat
Tuesday, August 31, 2010

DOVER — The family of the Dover High School student shocked in his electrical trades class last school year has filed a lawsuit alleging negligence on the parts of the teacher, school district and City of Dover.

Documents filed in Strafford County Superior Court on Friday indicate Robert and Sandra DuBois, parents of 18-year-old Kyle DuBois, are seeking compensation for medical expenses, lost income due to time away from work and other damages related to their son being shocked in his electrical trades class on March 11. The lawsuit claims DuBois critically injured himself because of his teacher Thomas Kelleys failure to properly warn of the dangers of electrical currents.

DuBois was hospitalized after receiving a serious electrical shock while in class on March 11. On a dare, DuBois clipped alligator clips to his nipples and received a severe shock that caused him to stagger and collapse, the lawsuit says.

The incident resulted in DuBois being sent to Wentworth-Douglass Hospital, where he was diagnosed as having an out of hospital electrocution resulting in cardiac arrest, unresponsive state and respiratory failure, according to the lawsuit.

He was later taken to Massachusetts General Hospital, where doctors drilled a hole through his skull to permit the insertion of a probe to monitor internal pressure, the lawsuit says. He was released from the hospital March 16.

Kelley was allegedly aware of the dare and less than eight feet away when DuBois was shocked, the lawsuit says. Authorities said Kelley immediately performed CPR and, according to the lawsuit, responding emergency personnel found DuBois heart had stopped.

Court documents say DuBois suffered brain damage due to the heart stoppage. He has shortterm memory loss and other losses and disruptions as a result, the lawsuit states.

The lawsuit claims Kelley was negligent in that during more than one class session, he conducted experiments that belied the dangers of electrical currents. He had students hold hands in a semicircle, with students at either end of the chain holding an end of an electrical cord plugged into an ordinary household outlet, causing the current to flow through the students. The lawsuit alleges this reckless act on the teachers part led DuBois to believe the transmission of an electrical current through a person by this activity caused only a tingling sensation.

Kelley also told the students the classroom was fitted with protected circuits at the workstations to prevent harmful or fatal shocks, the lawsuit says.

On the day of the shock incident, DuBois had finished his book work and moved on to various projects in the back of the classroom. Students began playing with the electrical cord and shocking themselves, according to the lawsuit.

Kelley not only knew what the students were doing, but according to the lawsuit, may have played a part in the dare that resulted in DuBois injuries. The lawsuit claims One student heard Mr. Kelley state that Kyle should try it with his nipples and that he, Mr. Kelley, would give him a Mountain Dew if he did so.

September 7, 2010

College football truths

Filed under: Back to School — Bad Jim @ 2:23 pm

From Whiner Glen aka the Big Football Contest Operator In Texas:

(1) What does the average University of Florida player get on his SATs? …….. Drool.

(2) What do you get when you put 32 West Virginia cheerleaders in one room? ……..A full set of teeth.

(3) How do you get a Nebraska cheerleader into your dorm room? …….. Grease her hips and push.

(4) How do you get a Michigan graduate off your porch? ………Pay him for the pizza.

(5) How do you know if an Alabama football player has a girlfriend?
……There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup.

(6) Why is the Kentucky football team like a possum?
….Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

(7) What are the longest three years of a Miami ( Fla ) football
player’s life? …….. His freshman year.

(8) How many Oklahoma freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
……..None. That’s a sophomore course.

(9) Where was O. J. Headed in the white Bronco?
……. Durham , North Carolina . He knew that the police would
never look at Duke for a Heisman Trophy winner.

10. How do you keep an FSU football player out of your front yard?
Erect a goal post!

AND FINALLY (drum roll and cymbal clash)…..

(11) Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color?
……..You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday,
and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.

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