Badjim.com

An oldie but goody from Info Bob in Houston:

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: *I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,* she said proudly, *My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.*

*Very good,* said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next: *I sold magazines,* she said, *I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.*

*Very good, Jenny,* said the teacher…

Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn.

The teacher held her breath …

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. *$2,467,* he said.

*$2,467!* cried the teacher, *What in the world were you selling?*

*Toothbrushes,* said Little Johnny.

*Toothbrushes!* echoed the teacher, *How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?*

*I found the busiest corner in town,* said Little Johnny, *I set up a Dip & Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample.*

They all said the same thing, *Hey, this tastes like dog shit!*

Then I would say,*It is dog shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?*

From the Church of St Adrian in Houston:
It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.
Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat.

RIP: John Wooden, 1910-2010

Blame the Head Bozo over at DeFalco’s Homebrew Supply in Houston for this one:
Our teacher asked us what was our favorite animal and I said “fried
chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right,
everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried
chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my
teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I told him what
happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she’d asked the
other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried
chicken. She sent me back to the principal’s office again. He laughed, and
told me not to do it again.

I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher
doesn’t like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what
famous person we admire most.

I told her, “Colonel Sanders.”

Guess where I am now…

Compliments of The Church of St Adrian:

“The designated hitter rule has got to go.”
Lex clavatoris designati rescindenda est

From Chriss in Dubai:

Ralphy shouts out to his teacher, “Miss! Got no fookin pencil and thems got no fookin pencils either!”
Teach shouts “Ralph! The correct terms: I HAVE NO PENCIL, HE HAS NO PENCIL, THEY HAVE NO PENCILS”
Ralphy - “Who’s got all the fookin pencils Miss?”

Injuneer Joe wishes he was there!
Teacher who took students to Hooters is put on leave
by Eugene Scott Dec. 17, 2009 12:00 AM
The Arizona Republic
A Paradise Valley High School music teacher whose students performed at one of President’s Barack Obama inauguration events has been put on administrative leave after taking 40 students to eat at a Hooters in downtown Phoenix.

Mary Segall, a choir director at the northeast Phoenix school, accompanied choral students at a performance at Arizona Center last week. While there, the students ate lunch at the Hooters restaurant, said Judi Willis, spokeswoman for the district.

Segall told her principal that the restaurant, known for its busty waitresses in tight shirts and orange shorts, was the only place that could accommodate a group of that size. She could not be reached for comment.

“We believe that there are many venues for lunch for a large group of people in the downtown Phoenix area,” Willis said. “There could have been a choice that might have been more appropriate, given that it was a school-day event with a school employee in charge.”

Mike McNeill, vice president of marketing for Hooters USA, said he was unfamiliar with the incident and could not comment.

According to Hooters’ Web site, each restaurant aims to provide diners with “a unique, entertaining dining experience . . . delivered by attractive, vivacious Hooters Girls.”

Although parents knew students would be performing at Arizona Center, it is unclear whether they knew that their children would eat lunch at the restaurant.

“I know that it was a complete surprise to the principal,” Willis said.

Several adults who aren’t employees of the district accompanied Segall and the students on the trip. Willis said she does not know whether the adults challenged Segall’s decision.

Segall, who has taught in the district for more than 23 years, was planning to retire at the end of January before the incident. She took the school choir and strings group to Washington, D.C., in January to perform at the “History in the Making: A Dream and a Change Inaugural Ball.”

There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals, a Lion, a Chimpanzee, a Giraffe, and a Squirrel, who pass by.
They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.
Who do you guess will win? Your answer will reflect your personality.
So think carefully. Try and answer within 30 seconds. Got your answer?

Now scroll down to see the analysis.

If your answer is:

Lion = you’re dull.
Chimpanzee = you’re a moron.
Giraffe = you’re a complete idiot.
Squirrel = you’re just hopelessly stupid.

A COCONUT TREE DOESN’T HAVE BANANAS.

Obviously you’re stressed and overworked. You should take some time off and relax!
Try again next year.

PS: YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN A 5th GRADER