Badjim.com

October 8, 2015

I’m going to the bar

Filed under: Bad Jim's Pub, Gender Bashing — Bad Jim @ 11:48 am

From Mohamed in Cairo:

A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, “Honey, I*ll be right back.”

“Where are you going, Coochy Coo?” asked the wife.

“I’m going to the bar, Pretty Face. I’m going to have a beer.”

The wife replies, “You want a beer, my love?”

She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, “Yes, Lollipop…but at the bar…you know…they have frozen glasses… ”

He didn’t get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, “You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?”

She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, “Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious…I won’t be long. I’ll be right back. I promise. OK?”

“You want hors d’oeuvres, Poochie?” She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and pork strips.”

“But my sweet honey…at the bar….you know there’s swearing, dirty words and all that…”

“You want dirty words, Cutie Pie?…LISTEN UP DICKHEAD! SIT DOWN, SHUT THE FUCK UP, DRINK YOUR DAMN BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN MUG, AND EAT YOUR FUCKIN’ HORS D’OEUVRES. BECAUSE YOU’RE MARRIED ASS ISN’T GOING TO A FUCKIN’ BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER… GOT IT, ASSHOLE?”
…and they lived happily ever after.

October 16, 2014

2 guys talking in a bar

Filed under: Bad Jim's Pub, Clean, Gender Bashing — Bad Jim @ 7:00 am

Roadwarrior Larry overheard 2 guys talking in a bar in Breckenridge:

I couldn’t help but over-hear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at a bar. One of the guys says to his buddy, “Man you look tired.”

His buddy says, “Dude I’m exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. I just don’t know what to do.”

A fellow about my age, sitting a couple of stools down had also over-heard the conversation. He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says, “Marry her. That’ll put a stop to that sh!t!”

June 26, 2014

Barry on beer

Filed under: Bad Jim's Pub, Clean — Bad Jim @ 10:54 am

Compliments of Injun Joe in AZ:

“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.
Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”
Dave Barry
“…and there are wheels on Beer trucks!”

December 5, 2013

Reindeer walks into a bar . . .

Filed under: Bad Jim's Pub, Clean, Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 4:49 am

One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer’s hoof.
As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said, “You know, I think you’re the first reindeer I’ve ever seen in here.”
The reindeer looked hard at the hoofful f change and said, “Hmmmpf. Let me tell you something, buddy. At these prices, I’m the last reindeer you’ll see in here.”

September 19, 2013

How to open a beer

Filed under: Bad Jim's Pub, Link of the Week — Bad Jim @ 11:24 am

Bad Jim . . . For your viewing pleasure, a truly important film clip
Road Warrior Larry from Breckenridge, CO
http://devour.com/video/how-to-open-a-beer/

September 11, 2013

Jumper cable

Filed under: Bad Jim's Pub, Groaners — Bad Jim @ 11:20 am

Blame Pope Bob for this:

A jumper cable walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “OK I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

July 28, 2013

What does he have?

Filed under: Bad Jim's Pub — Bad Jim @ 10:11 am

R.I.P. J.J. Cale 1938-2013

From Cardinal “Blackhat” Ron in Ireland:
At the pub, James orders 10 pints of ale. An hour later, he orders 10 more.
What does he have?

A wife and 5 fcuking kids.

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