August 31, 2012

Saskatchewan rancher

Filed under: Bad Blondes — Bad Jim @ 8:34 am

Oldie but goody from Harry in London:

A blonde city girl named Judy marries a Saskatchewan rancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Judy, “The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow’s stall is in the barn.

“Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?”

The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Judy takes him down to the barn.

They walk along the row of cows and when Judy sees the nail, she tells him, “This is the one right here.” The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks,

“Tell me lady, cause I’m dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?”

“That’s simple,* she said. “By the nail that’s over its stall,” she explains very confidently.

Laughing rudely at her, the man says, “And what, pray tell, is the nail for?”

The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, “I guess it’s to hang your pants on.”

January 10, 2012

Young blonde wife

Filed under: Bad Blondes, Geriatrics — Bad Jim @ 7:37 am

Posted by the Head Bozo in Houston:
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast.

At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?”

Bob replies, “Girlfriend? She*s my wife!”

They are knocked over, but continue to ask. “So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?”

“I lied about my age”, Bob replies.

“What, did you tell her you were only 50?”

Bob smiles and says, “No, I told her I was 90.”

September 1, 2011

Really bad blonde joke

Filed under: Bad Blondes, Clean — Bad Jim @ 2:13 pm

Just in time for football season! American rules of course!
Blame MWKMike in Houston for this oldie.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?”
“Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was… ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ I’m like…Helloooooo? It’s only 25 cents!!!!”

November 12, 2009

Who wants to be a millionaire?

Filed under: Bad Blondes, Clean — Bad Jim @ 11:53 pm

Thanks to Terry ‘Welders do it with hotter rods’ Tak in Texas for this.

Sally, a contestant on *Who Wants to be a Millionaire?* had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. She suspected the Million Dollar Question was no Pushover.
It was, “Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?
Is it:
A) the condor
B) the buzzard
C) the cuckoo
D) the vulture ”
The woman was on the spot….. She did not know the answer.
She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline…..
All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline.
She hoped she would not have to use it because…. Her Friend
Was, Well, a blonde.
But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the Question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly:
“That’s easy…. The answer is C: the cuckoo.”
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the Contestant could not help but be convinced.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, “C: The cuckoo.”
“Is that your final answer?”
“Yes, that is my final answer.”
“That answer is absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire!”
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the Million Dollars.
“Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you,” said the contestant.
“How did you happen to know the right answer?”
“Oh, come on,” said the blonde “Everybody knows that cuckoos don’t build nests. They live in clocks.”

November 8, 2009

A little Canadian Blonde Humor

Filed under: Bad Blondes, Ethnic/Regional Jokes, Groaners, Personal — Bad Jim @ 4:02 pm

Thanks to everyone that supported Angie’s MS Walk with donations. She raised over $1100 and a few donations are still arriving. The walk was held over the weekend in Kemah, Texas.

Bad Jim’s Home Leave was too short as always. He’s back in Tanggu until at least Christmas.

A blonde goes into a Tim Horton’s and notices there*s a *roll up the rim* sticker on her coffee cup.
So she unfolds it and starts screaming,
“I’ve won a motorhome! I’ve won a motorhome!”
The waitress says, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize is car ..?”
But the blonde keeps on screaming, “I’ve won a motorhome! I’ve won a motorhome!”
Finally, the manager comes over and says,”Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you’re mistaken.
You couldn’t have possibly won a motorhome because we didn’t have that as a prize.”
The blonde says, “No, it’s not a mistake. I’ve won a motorhome!”
And she hands the cup to the manager and HE reads…

“W I N A B A G E L”

October 11, 2009

Blonde password

Filed under: Bad Blondes, Clean — Bad Jim @ 10:19 pm

Blame MBlack in Texas for this one!

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:


When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.

June 3, 2009

Blonde and Brunette Sisters

Filed under: Bad Blondes, Clean, Groaners — Bad Jim @ 7:49 pm

From Mom:
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving to check out a good prospect, the brunette tells her sister, ‘Now, when I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.’

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.

After paying him the $599 asking price, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, ‘I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.’

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds,’It’s just 99 cents a word.’

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette has only $1 left, meaning she’ll only be able to send her sister a one-word message. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, ‘I want you to send her the word…’comfortable’.’

The telegraph operator shakes his head. ‘How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word,’comfortable’?’

The brunette explains, ‘My sister’s a blonde The word’s big. She’ll read it slowly…out loud… (’com-for-da-bul’).’

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