July 10, 2016

In the News - Walmart brawl

Filed under: Clean, In the News — Bad Jim @ 2:51 pm

A 30-Person Brawl Broke Out in Walmart After Some Teens Laughed at a Woman’s Dress
By: VICE Staff
July 6, 2016

Last weekend, some last-minute Fourth of July hot dog shopping at a Walmart in New York erupted into a 30-person fistfight complete with flying trash cans and baseball bats, WHEC in Rochester reports.

According to WHEC, the whole thing started when a few teenage girls started snapping cellphone photos of people in the store and making fun of a woman’s dress. When the woman’s family members caught on, a fight broke out and quickly escalated into an all-out brawl with other shoppers.

According to Police Chief Jim VanBrederode, the brawlers even grabbed baseball bats from the sporting goods section to fight with.

“The adults jumped right in with the kids, and this is what it turned into,” Chief VanBrederode told WHEC.

One of the fighters, 17-year-old Nykia Brooks, allegedly split a 52-year-old guy’s head open with a can of food. She was arrested along with three others and was charged with second-degree assault, a felony, as well as two violations.

Walmart is planning to step up its security following the incident, and Chief VanBrederode says the police are still reviewing security footage and plan to make more arrests.

“If you’re in that video, you ought to be looking over your shoulder,” he told WHEC. “It’s just a matter of time before we come knocking on some doors.”

June 4, 2016

Actual dialog . . .

Filed under: Actual conversations heard . . ., Clean — Bad Jim @ 1:59 pm

Actual dialog heard at Bad Jim’s Grill and Pool Lounge:
Jim, call my phone. I can’t find it.
Ring ring ring.
OK, thanks!
Please call again, I know it’s in my bag but I can’t find it!

May 26, 2016

1-line groaners

Filed under: Clean, Groaners — Bad Jim @ 8:25 am

Happy belated Towel Day (thanks to Hugh Gass for the reminder)

“Don’t forget!” - yes Bad Jim forgot!

Here’s some baaaad ones from Terry “Welders do it with hotter rods”"

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the Wurst.
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
This dyslexic man walks into a bra.
PMS jokes aren’t funny, period.
I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds…
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
Broken pencils are pointless.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
All the toilets in London police stations have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.
I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Velcro - what a rip off!
Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

March 22, 2016

William Shatner

Filed under: Clean, Jim's Bad Holidays — Bad Jim @ 3:54 pm

Happy “Talk like William Shatner” Day

Thank Steve “I get more ass than a toilet seat” Moore

January 3, 2016

How It All Began

Filed under: Clean, Generally Bad — Bad Jim @ 1:33 am

Once upon a time there was a king who wanted to go fishing.

He called the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days.

So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen. On the way he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king the farmer said, “Your Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area”.

The king was polite and considerate, he replied: “I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional. And besides, I pay him very high wages. He
gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on my way.” So he continued on his way.

However, a short time later torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition.

Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire
the professional. Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the
prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster.

The farmer said, “Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey’s ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain.”

So the king hired the donkey.

And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential positions.

And the practice is unbroken to this date..

October 29, 2015

In the News - McGruff

Filed under: Clean, In the News — Bad Jim @ 10:41 am

GALVESTON, Texas - John Morales, the actor who played the crime-fighting cartoon character ‘McGruff the Crime Dog’ was sentenced to 16 years in prison stemming from a 2011 arrest in which police seized 1, 000 marijuana plants, 27 weapons - including a grenade launcher - and 9,000 rounds of ammunition from his home, reports CBS Houston.
The sentence was handed down Thursday, just three days after the 41-year-old former actor pleaded guilty. Morales insisted during the sentencing hearing that he was nonviolent, but U.S. District Judge Vanessa Gilmore said, “Everything I read about you makes you seem like a scary person,” reports the station.
McGruff the Crime Dog is a cartoon bloodhound that was created by global advertising company Saatchi and Saatchi and the Ad Council in the early 1980s for the National Crime Prevention Council. The cartoon figure was used by U.S. police in spreading crime awareness, and is perhaps best known for the tagline “take a bite out of crime.”

September 28, 2015

New Parrot

Filed under: Clean, Generally Bad — Bad Jim @ 10:12 am

From MBlack in Texas:
Man walks into a pet store and wants to buy a parrot. The owner tells him that he has a parrot in the back,but the parrot used to work in a house of ill repute. The man decides to buy the parrot. The pet store owner covers the cage, brings the parrot out front to the man who takes the parrot home with him.

At home, the man takes the cover off of the cage.

Parrot looks at the man’s wife and says: “You must be my new madam.”

Parrot looks at the man*s daughters and says: “You must be the new working girls.”

Parrot looks at the man and says: “Hello, Bad Jim.”

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