Badjim.com

Blame Terry Tak in Corpus for this:
Man said to wife “Right you sexy thing, upstairs now.”
She looked at him and said “Ooh, you kinky b6stard.”
He said “No, seriously, the rugby’s starting, now fcuk off!”

From Terry Tak in Corpus Christi, TX (Home of Whataburger)
A hooded robber burst into a Texas bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.
On his way out the door a brave Texas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the robber’s face.
The robber shot the customer without a moment’s hesitation.
He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking
straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also.
Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.
The robber yelled, “Well, did anyone else see my face?”
There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly
afraid to speak. Then one old man tentatively raised his hand and said, “My wife got a pretty good look at you.”

Breaking news on the leaking well in the Gulf.:

BP dropped a wedding ring over the hole and it quit putting out . . .

(Can I have a rim shot Ringo?)

Blame Injuneer Joe in Arizona for that

From Rick the Controls Geek in Pass ‘Get Down’ Dena, Texas:
A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It’s after midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.
The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees.
Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man!
The husband puts a gun to the naked man’s head.
The wife shouts, “Don’t do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money.
HE paid for the Corvette I gave you.
HE paid for our new cabin cruiser.
HE paid for your season Red Sox tickets.
HE paid for our house at the lake.
HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!”
Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says, “What would you do?”
The cabby replies, “I’d cover his ass with that blanket before he catches cold.”

Compliments of Coonass Kim in Cadiz, Spain:
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the wife.

“They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,” he replies.

“Put them back, we can’t afford them,” demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the husband.

“It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,” replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: “So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it’s half the price.”

On the PA system: “Cleanup on aisle 25, we have a husband down.”

Bad Jim on the Road is coming to you from Anchorage, Alaska today so this joke from Info Bob in Houston seemed appropriate:
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
“We’re sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife,” said one trooper
“Tell me! Did you find her?” Wilkens shouted.
The troopers looked at each other.
One said, “We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?”
Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”
The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay .”
“Oh my God!” exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”
The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, what’s the great news?”
The trooper said, “We’re going to pull her up again tomorrow.”

MS 150 fundrasing update:
The ride is this weekend. Zack surpassed his $2000 goal.
Cora and Frank in Reno and Professor P. at Rice University, thank you for your generous donations.
There is still time to contribute at: http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Bike/TXHBikeEvents?px=3919313&pg=personal&fr_id=12962

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife’s voice from the kitchen.
“What would you like for dinner, my Love? Chicken, beef, or lamb?”
I said, “Thank you, I*ll have chicken..”
She replied “You’re having soup, a55hole. I was talking to the cat!”