Badjim.com

October 8, 2015

I’m going to the bar

Filed under: Bad Jim's Pub, Gender Bashing — Bad Jim @ 11:48 am

From Mohamed in Cairo:

A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, “Honey, I*ll be right back.”

“Where are you going, Coochy Coo?” asked the wife.

“I’m going to the bar, Pretty Face. I’m going to have a beer.”

The wife replies, “You want a beer, my love?”

She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, “Yes, Lollipop…but at the bar…you know…they have frozen glasses… ”

He didn’t get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, “You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?”

She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, “Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious…I won’t be long. I’ll be right back. I promise. OK?”

“You want hors d’oeuvres, Poochie?” She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and pork strips.”

“But my sweet honey…at the bar….you know there’s swearing, dirty words and all that…”

“You want dirty words, Cutie Pie?…LISTEN UP DICKHEAD! SIT DOWN, SHUT THE FUCK UP, DRINK YOUR DAMN BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN MUG, AND EAT YOUR FUCKIN’ HORS D’OEUVRES. BECAUSE YOU’RE MARRIED ASS ISN’T GOING TO A FUCKIN’ BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER… GOT IT, ASSHOLE?”
…and they lived happily ever after.

January 11, 2015

Library humor

Filed under: Gender Bashing, Groaners — Bad Jim @ 6:33 pm

From Pope Barefoot Bob in Houston:
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, “Do you have that book for men with small penises?”
The librarian looks on her computer and says, “I don’t know if it’s in yet.”
“Yeah that’s the one.”

October 16, 2014

2 guys talking in a bar

Filed under: Bad Jim's Pub, Clean, Gender Bashing — Bad Jim @ 7:00 am

Roadwarrior Larry overheard 2 guys talking in a bar in Breckenridge:

I couldn’t help but over-hear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at a bar. One of the guys says to his buddy, “Man you look tired.”

His buddy says, “Dude I’m exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. I just don’t know what to do.”

A fellow about my age, sitting a couple of stools down had also over-heard the conversation. He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says, “Marry her. That’ll put a stop to that sh!t!”

October 9, 2014

Quote of the Day

Filed under: Clean, Gender Bashing — Bad Jim @ 5:45 am

Blame MBlack in Thompsons, TX:
“I never mind my wife having the last word. In fact, I’m delighted when she gets to it.”
- Walter Matthau

October 8, 2014

Husband calls from hospital

Filed under: Clean, Gender Bashing — Bad Jim @ 10:58 am

From Roughrider Dale in Egypt:

Husband on phone: Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Paula brought me to the Hospital. They have been making tests and taking X-rays. The blow to my head though very strong, will not have any serious or lasting injury. But, I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate the right foot.

Wife’s Response: Who is Paula?

October 7, 2014

Quandary or Karma?

Filed under: Gender Bashing — Bad Jim @ 11:41 am

RIP: Paul Revere 1938-2014 Those kicks just keep gettin’ harder to find.

From Roughrider Dale in Egypt:

Please spare a thought for the man who told his wife he was going on a business trip to China on that Malaysian Airlines Flight No MH. 370 and now can’t come out of his girlfriend’s apartment.

September 7, 2014

Lottery

Filed under: Clean, Gender Bashing — Bad Jim @ 1:24 am

From Rough Rider Dale somewhere in Egypt:

At breakfast, the husband says to his wife “What would you do if I won the Lotto?”

“I’d take half and leave you,” she says.

“Great,” he says.

“I won 12 Dollars yesterday. Here’s 6. Stay in touch!”

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