Badjim.com

Thank Jim P. in Damascus for resurrecting this oldie:

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of this old disease. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim. It’s pronounced “Gonna re-elect ‘em.”

The disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior involving putting your cranium up your rectum. Many people, after having been infected for some years, are starting to realize how destructive this sickness is.

It’s sad because Gonorrhea Lectim is easily cured with a new drug just coming on the market called Votemout. You take the first dose in 2010 and the second dose in 2012 and simply don’t engage in such behavior again.

Compliments of Injuneer Joe in Arizona:

The executives said the blowout preventer is not designed to handle all situations, especially when it becomes clogged with debris from an actual explosion.
“I would think that your blowout preventer should be designed to handle that,” said Rep. Joe Barton, R-Texas.

Lawmakers also criticized proposed efforts to seal the well by injecting rubber debris down the top, including old golf balls and bits of tires.
“The American people expect a response on par with the Apollo Project, not Project Runway,” said Rep. Ed Markey, D-Mass.

Republicans Show Support for ‘Idol’ Star
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) — Howling in protest over Obama Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan’s lack of judging experience, leading Republicans today urged the President to withdraw Kagan and instead nominate Paula Abdul.

“The American people have had years of watching Paula’s judging expertise, and they know that she is fair,” said Sen. Jeff Sessions (R., Ala.), top Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee. “She’s
certainly fairer than Simon.”

As to the criticism that sometimes on “American Idol” Ms. Abdul seemed to be not all there and had nothing to say, Sen. Sessions said, “You could say the same thing about Clarence Thomas.”

Compliments of MBlack Esq. in Houston:
The Justice Department is sending a team of attorneys to the Gulf.
Whew!
Disaster averted.

http://www.businessinsider.com/holder-sends-justice-department-team-to-the-gulf-2010-4

Blame Terry Tak in Corpus Christi for this!

“Even after the recent Super Bowl victory of the New Orleans Saints, I have noticed a large number of people implying with bad jokes that Cajuns aren’t smart. I would like to state for the record that I disagree with that assessment. Anybody that would build a city 5 feet below sea level in a hurricane zone and fill it with Democrats is a damn genius.”
Larry the Cable Guy

Fabrice Tourre to be Exhibit A
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - In the event of a criminal case against the banking giant, Goldman Sachs is planning to employ a rarely-used legal strategy known as the ‘douchebag defense,’ sources confirmed today.
Davis Logsdon, Dean of the University of Minnesota School of Law, summarized the unorthodox strategy: “Basically, they will be arguing that the Goldman executives had no control over their actions because they are ginormous dicks.”
‘Exhibit A’ if the bank decides to go forward with the douchebag defense will be Goldman banker Fabrice ‘Fabulous Fab’ Tourre.
“I think the government would have a hard time arguing that he was not an egregious douche,” Logsdon said.
In order to establish Tourre’s douchebag bona fides, Goldman’s lawyers would most likely offer up his emails, his Facebook profile, and several of his ex-girlfriends.
Jury selection could also be key to the success of Goldman’s douchebag defense strategy, Logsdon said.
“Goldman’s dream jury would be made up of twelve angry dickwads,” Logsdon said. “In New York, that shouldn’t be hard to find.”

Thank Injun Joe in Arizona for updating this oldie
You might recall that John Hinckley was a seriously deranged young man who shot President Reagan in the early 1980’s.
Hinckley was absolutely obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster, extremely jealous, and in his twisted mind, loved Jodie Foster to the point that to make himself well known to her, he attempted to assassinate President Reagan. There is speculation Hinckley may soon be released as having been rehabilitated. Consequently, you may appreciate the following letter from Nancy Reagan to John Hinckley:

To: John Hinckley
From: Mrs.. Nancy Reagan
My family and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery.. In our fine country’s spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know there is a nonpartisan consensus of compassion and forgiveness throughout.

The Reagan family and I want you to know that no grudge is borne against you for shooting President Reagan. We, above all, are aware of how the mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. We are confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive young man.
Best wishes,
Nancy Reagan and Family
PS: While you have been incarcerated, Barack Obama has been banging Jodie Foster like a screen door in a tornado. You might want to look into that.