From The Church of St Adrian:
A Japanese general leading his troops through the jungle reaches a break in the canopy and spies their long-sought destination in the distance. Back over his shoulder he declares, “Sergeant! Mount Fujimoto!”
“But Sir,” replies the sergeant, “I don’t like Fujimoto.”
(rimshot!)
Soda water dogs. Blame Info Bob in Houston.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f309fSTWYo4
Blame Terry Tak in Corpus for this:
Man said to wife “Right you sexy thing, upstairs now.”
She looked at him and said “Ooh, you kinky b6stard.”
He said “No, seriously, the rugby’s starting, now fcuk off!”
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put on the wrong socks before I went for a walk.
From Pegasus in Plainfield. Illinois:
I lost the trivia contest at the church social last night by one point .
The last question was:
“Where do most women have curly hair?”
Apparently the correct answer is: “Africa”.
I’ve been asked to find another place to worship…………
Thank Jim P in Houston (?) for these jewels:
Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore, under fiction
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you’re handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you’re done you’ll have a place to live.
Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: “And Mary rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Bethlehem ……”
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.
Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow’s feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.
Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don’t forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.
Bad Jim is not sure whether K-Rod deserves a “Darryl Strawberry Memorial Role Model” Award or “Dis guy is gettin brains fer Chrissmiss” Award. You be the judge.
Mets withhold K-Rod’s salary, put him on DQ list
By KRISTIE RIEKEN, AP Sports Writer 33 minutes ago
HOUSTON (AP) The New York Mets are withholding injured closer Francisco Rodriguez’s salary while he’s sidelined, and the team wants to convert his contract to a non-guaranteed deal.
New York Mets closer Francisco Rodriguez will be out for the rest of the season because of a torn thumb ligament in his pitching hand.
The moves could be a prelude to the Mets releasing the star closer without paying most of his 2011 salary.
Rodriguez was placed on the disqualified list Tuesday, six days after he tore a ligament in the thumb of his pitching hand while punching his girlfriend’s father outside a family lounge at Citi Field. Rodriguez had surgery Tuesday to repair the self-inflicted injury and is expected to miss the rest of the season.
The Mets said he won’t be paid while on the disqualified list. In addition, they said they were exercising a contractual right to convert the rest of his $37 million, three-year deal to non-guaranteed, meaning they could try to avoid paying most of what’s left on it.