Badjim.com

This week’s winner of Bad Jim*s “Dis guy is gettin brains fer Chrissmiss Awrad”: Megan Mariah Broan
Thank Pope Barefoot Bob of Houston for the nomination.
Police: Woman Crashes Car While Shaving Bikini Area
David Knowles Writer
AOL News
March 8 Sometimes multitasking has its limits
Such is the case in the Florida Keys, where police say a 37-year-old woman crashed her 1995 Ford Thunderbird into another car as she attempted to shave her bikini area.

According to the arrest report, on March 2, Megan Mariah Barnes told Florida State Trooper Gary Dunick that she was on her way to Key West to meet her boyfriend, and that she “wanted to be ready for the visit.” So, police say she had her ex-husband, Charles Judy, who was riding in the passenger seat, take the wheel while she attended to her pubic hair.

Police say Megan Mariah Barnes was shaving her bikini line while driving her Ford Thunderbird in South Florida. On March 2, she rammed into another vehicle that had slowed to make a left turn. Police also say that her license was under suspension because of a DUI conviction.

Police say Megan Mariah Barnes was shaving her bikini line while driving her Ford Thunderbird in South Florida. On March 2, she rammed into another vehicle that had slowed to make a left turn. Police also say that her license was under suspension because of a DUI conviction.

The results weren’t pretty. Going 45 mph, Barnes and Judy are said to have rear-ended a car that had slowed to make a left turn.

A day earlier, Barnes had been convicted of numerous driving infractions, including DUI with a prior arrest and driving with a suspended license. She had been ordered to impound her car, her license was revoked for five years, and she had been placed on probation for nine months.

Dunick told The Citizen newspaper that after the crash, in which two passengers in the other car were treated for minor injuries at an area hospital, Barnes drove for another half-mile before switching seats with Judy in an attempt to make it seem to police as though she had not been driving.

“It is unbelievable,” Dunick said. “I’m really starting to believe this stuff only happens in the Keys.”

“She was charged with leaving the scene of an accident,” said police spokesman Lt. Alex Annunziato, “in addition to all the charges stemming from her earlier violations.”

My son Zack (aka Wackozacko) is doing the MS bicycle ride again this year. Any support you can give him will be totally appreciated by his Bad Father.
PS: You’ll also get a mention on the jokelist!!
Note to all my “high roller” friends working overseas: You can use the tax deduction!!
Here’s his spiel:

Hello Generous Supporters,
It’s that time of year again. I will be riding the Houston to Austin MS150 Bike Ride this April for the 6th time, or 7th I can’t keep track. Last year 13,000 riders raised a total of $17.3 million to help the more than 20,000 Texans living with MS. This year we hope to raise even more and we need your continued support.
My fund raising goal for this year is $2000. I have started my campaign with a $250 donation myself. Visit my personal MS website http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Bike/TXHBikeEvents?px=3919313&pg=personal&fr_id=12962 for more information and to make online donations.
On behalf of the MS Society and all those affected by this debilitating disease, I thank you for your continued support.
Zack Harper

An oldie from Whiner Glen who now lives in Georgetown, TX. This place is known as ‘The retirement capitol of Texas’ Sounds like a rockin’ place Whiner! See ya at the Dairy Queen.

Tommy Bolt, toward the end of one of his infamous high-volume, temperamental, club-throwing rounds, asked his caddie for a club recommendation for a shot of about 155 yards.

His caddie said: “I’d say either a 3-iron or a wedge, sir.”

“A 3-iron or a wedge?” asked Bolt. “What kind of stupid choice is that?”

“Those are the only two clubs you have left, sir,” said the caddie.

Finally a joke from our old friend Bill “Please remove your panties before getting in my Porche” Mahoney in Houston.

A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.
“Fred,” he replies.
“Fred what?” the officer asks.
“Just Fred,” the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. “Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?”
The biker replies, “It’s a long story, so stay with me.” I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am ‘Just Fred’.

[Note from Bad Jim: This is EASY to explain to your wife, "But Honey, I was doing research!"]

Anti-Gay Lawmaker Reportedly at Gay Club Before DUI Arrest
FOXNews.com
A California state senator who reportedly has voted against every gay rights measure since he took office eight years ago was charged with driving under the influence on Wednesday, reportedly after leaving a gay nightclub in Sacramento.

A California state senator who reportedly has voted against every gay rights measure since he took office eight years ago was charged with driving under the influence on Wednesday, reportedly after leaving a gay nightclub in Sacramento.

Sen. Roy Ashburn, a Republican from Bakersfield, was spotted driving erratically at about 2 a.m. Wednesday in downtown Sacramento, officials said. He was arrested after taking a sobriety test, and he was taken to Sacramento County Jail, where he was administered a blood-alcohol test prior to being booked and released.

He was charged with two misdemeanors: driving under the influence and driving with a blood alcohol level of .08 percent or higher.

Ashburn, a 55-year-old father of four, apologized for his actions.

“I am deeply sorry for my actions and offer no excuse for my poor judgment,” he said in a statement. “I accept complete responsibility for my conduct and am prepared to accept the consequences for what I did. I am also truly sorry for the impact this incident will have on those who support and trust me — my family, my constituents, my friends, and my colleagues in the Senate.”

He was arrested after leaving Faces, a gay nightclub in midtown Sacramento. A male passenger, who was not identified as a lawmaker, was also in the car but was not detained, the TV station reported.

Now that Bad Jim is semi-retired (translation: unemployed) he often spends his mornings in the Whataburger near his house drinking coffee, reading want ads and doing crossword puzzles. The best part of the morning is eavesdropping on the white tips (translation: white shoes and white hair) who meet there every morning for coffee and breakfast. Sound bites actually heard the last few weeks:

Ralph (looking up from his “Houston Chronicle”): Oh no. Ole Charlie Wilson died!
Thelma: Who the hell is that? Some guy you worked with at Lubrizol?
Ralph: Ya know? They made a movie about him. He was that congress guy that started the war in Afghanistan.

Bingo: That Sara Palin, she ran all them Liberals out of office in Alaska. Fired’um all.
Thelma: Like who? Name one Democrat that was ever elected in Alaska. They’re all rednecks like us.
Bingo: It’s true. My niece gotta email about it.
Ralph: I think they call’um bluenecks, Them Alaska Yankees. Ha. Uuh-ah uh-ah ha.

Ralph: If I had a business on the beach in Hawaii, and it was wiped out by that there su-lami wave, I’d sue the sh!t outta those Chill-leee ba5tards.
Bingo: Me too!

Thelma: I liked this Whataburger much better when ya could smoke here! God damn liberals.
Bingo: Sara Plain will change all that when she gets elected.

Thelma: What time does Gene’s Bar open?
Ralph: Can’t smoke there any more either sweetie. ‘Smoke-free’ everywhere in Pasadena these days.
Thelma: Smoke-free? You can bet your boots that some god damn, Yankee fag came up with that.

Ferron: Did you know the goalie on the Canada ice hockey squad was a Mexican?
Thelma: Who told you that? Mexicans can’t ice skate.
Ferron: It’s true. My wife gotta email about it from her brother. They’re gonna take their medals away.
Bingo: It’s about time.

Sent to us by Uncle Randy in Chicago:
Ohio Man Bulldozes Home to Avoid Foreclosure
AP
MOSCOW, Ohio (Feb. 23) - An Ohio man says he bulldozed his $350,000 home to keep a bank from foreclosing on it.

Terry Hoskins says he has struggled with the RiverHills Bank over his home in Moscow for years and had problems with the Internal Revenue Service. He says the IRS placed liens on his carpet store and commercial property and the bank claimed his house as collateral.

Hoskins says he owes $160,000 on the house. He says he spent a lot of money on attorneys and finally had enough. About two weeks ago he bulldozed the home 25 miles southeast of Cincinnati.