Badjim.com

Injuneer Joe in Fountain Hills, AZ writes:

Car vandal takes nothing, leaves tortillas
May. 17, 2012 09:26 AM
Associated Press
SEATTLE — Seattle police are scratching their heads about this one.
A car prowler shattered a window of a parked Jeep, stole nothing and left behind a little something for the car’s owner — a dozen tortillas scattered across the floor. The crime happened last week near the University of Washington.
Bemused by the break-in, police were moved to pun, saying, “The Seattle Police Department would like to take this opportunity to remind car prowlers that you shouldn’t break in to something that’s nachos.”

Opening a beer bottle with a chain saw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbK3-EfJd-w&feature=youtu.be

RIP: Donald “Duck” Dunn, 1941-2012

“His bass was powerful enough to turn goat piss into gasoline.”

Blame Info Bob in Houston:

Wife texts husband on a cold April morning: “Windows frozen.”
Husband texts back: “Pour some lukewarm water over it.”
Wife texts back:
“Computer completely fcuked now.”

RIP: Carroll Shelby, 1923-2012

From Info Bob in Houston:

http://www.sunnewsnetwork.ca/video/featured/prime-time/867432237001/spice-rack-attack/1557537789001

RIP: George Lindsey 1928 - 2012, goodbye Goober!

This oldie shows up about every four years. I think I first heard it as a Dick Nixon joke. Regardless, pretty damn funny!
A cowboy from Texas attended a social function where Barack Obama was trying to gather support for his re-election. When Obama discovered the cowboy was from President Bush’s home area, he started to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl and single syllable words.

As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy says, “Y’all havin’ some problem with them circle flies?”

Obama stopped talking and said, “Well, yes, if that’s what they’re called, but I’ve never heard of circle flies.”

“Well, sir,” the cowboy replies, “Circle flies hang around ranches. They’re called circle flies because they’re almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.”

“Oh,” Obama replies as he goes back to rambling. But a moment later he stops and bluntly asks, “Are you calling me a horse’s ass?”

“No, sir,” the cowboy replies, “I have too much respect for the citizens of this country to call their president a horse’s ass.”

“That’s a good thing,” Obama responds and begins rambling on once more.

After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, “Hard to fool them flies, though.”

Most people don’t know that back in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

May the 4th be with you!